EXCLUSIVE: Why IDW has no Age of Extinction tie-ins!

[Professor Smooth]

Hello, everyone. After consulting with my top-secret sources (who absolutely aren't just the guys digging through the dumpster outside of Forbidden Planet and/or completely imaginary), I have learned the dark secret behind the lack of IDW tie-in material for the newest Transformers movie. The dark secret that THEY don't want you to know. A secret so dark and secretive in its darkness and secrecy, that most (all?) Transformers websites won't publish it.

But of course, it's just a rumor, so take it with a grain of salt (or, you know, DON'T, because it's totally all true, you guys!)

As ever, IDW's editors received an early shooting script for Age of Extinction (back when it was still called Trans4mers) back in 2011. It wasn't so much a script as it was a copy of a single handwritten line of text, scrawled across what looked to have been the April '11 issue of Penthouse. "A Talking Truck Rides a Robot Dinosaur because of a Guy with a Gun for a FACE teamed up with FRAISER!"

This was more discriptive than the script for RotF which was just a sketch of a set of hairy balls on a crumpled-up hotrod magazine.

But the combination of gun-face and FRAISER led IDW's Chris Ryall to proceed the only way he, as a morally reasonable human being could. He summoned John Barber and James Roberts into his office. What follows is a summary of the meeting.

Ryall: We have a problem.
Barber: Script's no good?
Ryall: ...
Roberts: Want me to work with Simon to make some more "apology" comics?
Ryall: No. No. There can be no apology this time. Even if we included pinky fingers with the incentive covers, the apologies wouldn't be enough. This. This is bad.
Barber: What...what can we do?
Ryall: Mr. Barber. You are a talented writer. You have done excellent work for this company, and what I'm about to ask you to do is...hard. But, I have no choice.
Barber: What is it?
Ryall: I need you to write some really mediocre Transformers comic books. Not "bad", per say. Just mediocre. Something to get fans to lower their expectations of what Transformers fiction is. Just so the readers aren't completely blindsided when they see Marky Mark sweating in front of the American flag.
Barber: I'll...I'll try.
Roberts: And what about me?
Ryall: I need you to write the best Transformers stories ever. Ever. I mean "Awards for storytelling" type good stories. I want, no, I need you to be in consideration for an Eisner award for your work. I need 95%+ of the historically-cynical Transformers fanbase to speak in hushed tones about how they LOVE your work. I need you to give the people who see this movie HOPE that there is something to live for. In fact, I need the middle part of a gripping storyline to ship DAYS after the movie comes out. With a preview before the movie's release to give these poor souls something, ANYTHING to look forward to.
Roberts: Well, I do have thousands of pages of ideas.
Ryall: Get to it, man! We have LIVES to save!
Barber: What if the movie turns out to be great, and we don't have any tie-in comics read to cash-in?
Ryall: ...
Barber: So, what if we replaced Devastator's balls with...Prowl?
Ryall: You're the greatest hero who ever lived.

Keep in mind, my sources (who I can't reveal and are never wrong!) may have paraphrased a bit. Several grains of salt. In fact, more than several. All the salt. It's all on them. Don't blame me, man. Dont' shoot the messenger. In further fact, this isn't on me in the least. I disown this. It's probably all lies. But lies that I, most certainly, had no hand in making up.

[bumblemusprime]

I want to believe.

[Brendocon]

I'd assumed it was because they decided to spend the budget on jaw-droppingly awesome massive hardcover versions of Parker and Locke & Key instead.

[Professor Smooth]

I'd assumed it was because they decided to spend the budget on jaw-droppingly awesome massive hardcover versions of Parker and Locke & Key instead.

Another fantastic decision from IDW.

Does *any* publisher put out nicer collections with such regularity? IDW releases collections that would be right at home at the Smithsonian, while DC and Marvel can't even get the pages in the right order half the time.

[Brendocon]

To be fair though, IDW's habit of routinely ballsing-up single issues is a large part of why I don't buy their monthlies anymore.

But by gods if they can't put out an oversized hardcover properly. The Martini Edition of Parker is astonishing.

[Professor Smooth]

To be fair though, IDW's habit of routinely ballsing-up single issues is a large part of why I don't buy their monthlies anymore.

But by gods if they can't put out an oversized hardcover properly. The Martini Edition of Parker is astonishing.

That's fair. But if a company is going to have quality control issues, I'd rather it be on something I spent $4 to read once than something I paid $100 to enjoy forever.

Those artist editions that recreate the original art boards are so incredible.