therapy?

sprunkner · Post by **sprunkner** » Mon Feb 19, 2007 5:50 am

I've been having a lot of black moods lately... the other night I was at a Chinese New Year's party eating a lot of bad fried rice and all of the sudden it was like someone turned on the madness. I hated everyone and I wanted to kill myself. It came out of nowhere and had no catalyst as far as I could tell. As I got home I started thinking of ways to do the deed. This has been happening about three or four times a week and it lasts from a few hours to all night each time. The rest of the time I'm a pretty happy guy. A little scared about the baby, and I hate my job. But I have a good life otherwise... so what is going on?

I'm hoping to see a therapist but I have no money and no insurance. What the hell are you supposed to do with this? I don't even have any other signs of depression. I sleep and eat and want sex and all is normal. Why this madness every few days?

I honestly feel stupid even posting about it. There are people here with much worse problems than I've got. I guess I'm just wondering if anyone has any advice on how to find a good therapist when you can't afford it.

Eline · Post by **Eline** » Mon Feb 19, 2007 7:41 am

I don't think wanting to kill yourself could ever be a trivial thing.

It made me think of bi-polar, with the phases of happiness and depression, but I am no doctor.

Having absolutely no clue about the US healthcare system, is there such a thing as free therapy for poor people? Or can something be arranged through your work-healthcare? Doesn't the basic mandatory healthcare have some kind of therapy-arrangements? Can you sign up for health insurance now and get therapy? There must be something for people who really need it...

please take care

Metal Vendetta · Post by **Metal Vendetta** » Mon Feb 19, 2007 10:04 am

I've had some pretty harsh mood swings lately - usually with some kind of minor trigger, but nothing serious - and then been plunged into exactly the kind of dark mood you describe above. I don't really know what to suggest - if you can recognise the symptoms and not act on them then you're probably at the stage where therapy wouldn't help much anyway. Perhaps if you keep some kind of mental image to pull yourself out of it - I know it sounds stupid but Megatron often works for me here - to give yourself some mental strength.

I dunno, this is probably the blind leading the blind. I usually find when I'm really down that a spliff and a beer helps too, but only in the short term (by which point the mood has usually lifted anyway)...

Post by **Kaylee** » Mon Feb 19, 2007 11:35 am

I'd go and speak to your doctor- impress upon them the darkness of the moods and that you are giving serious consideration to suicide. I know it's low to say, but it's not lying and unless you do point that out you'll be lucky if they move faster than continental drift as far as organising help goes.

Usually they sit you down with a psychiatrist and they talk a bit about your life, the sorts of things that make you unhappy and a little bit about your childhood and they make a rough diagnosis as to what it might be which is then passed on to a more long term therapist who will explore it more.

So, to recap, I'd go straight to the doc. Don't be ashamed, you need help as much as anybody else does. Give it to them straight, say that you've given suicide some serious thought and you can't guarantee next time that you won't go through with it. They should act on that pretty swiftly (I hope).

Far too much experience of this myself really, I hope your results are better than mine. Best of luck and don't be ashamed to post, talk or IM if you need to (my details are all in my profile I think).

saysadie · Post by **saysadie** » Mon Feb 19, 2007 11:48 am

Is it possible it might be dietary or body-health related? I know an iron deficiency could provoke mood swings, but that's more of a problem for women and people who don't eat meat... :/ But a checkup for any health issues is generally a good thing, imo. Also talking about it with people in your general vacinity is good... letting family know how you're feeling, etc.

Osku · Post by **Osku** » Mon Feb 19, 2007 12:09 pm

Karl Lynch wrote:So, to recap, I'd go straight to the doc. Don't be ashamed, you need help as much as anybody else does. Give it to them straight, say that you've given suicide some serious thought and you can't guarantee next time that you won't go through with it. They should act on that pretty swiftly (I hope).

That pretty much sums it up. Don't wait to see if this just goes away.

Also asking for physical tests is a good idea. For example "scant operation of thyroid gland" (sorry, not familiar with English medical vocabulary), could cause similar symptoms. Most of the most common possibilities can be checked from a simple blood test.

sprunkner · Post by **sprunkner** » Mon Feb 19, 2007 4:32 pm

thanks guys.

Transfans is good medicine.

Post by **Best First** » Mon Feb 19, 2007 4:51 pm

Metal Vendetta wrote:if you can recognise the symptoms and not act on them then you're probably at the stage where therapy wouldn't help much anyway.

i'd challenge that to be honest, not acting on something isn't the same as dealing with the source, which is something decent therapy can bring out. Councelling has helped me significantly at two points in my life and in both cases it was because i knew what it was that i wanted to change but not how.

have you had any changes in diet, exercise or any other routines lately?

Also i think that if you are naturally quite happy (which i tend to be) its actually more likley that negative stuff hangs around in the back ground and crops up at random times, because your regular interaction patterns isn't well set up to deal with negative emotions.

Anyway, as stated, def seek help if you can, and take care.

And talk to people so they can support you.

Good luck mate. Look after yourself.

Legion · Post by **Legion** » Mon Feb 19, 2007 5:01 pm

saysadie wrote:Is it possible it might be dietary or body-health related?

yes, my anaemia caused some very odd mental activity a few years back, so i can vouch for that! amazing what a vitamin deficiency can do to your state of mind!!

take care sprunky, good luck!

The Last Autobot · Post by **The Last Autobot** » Wed Feb 21, 2007 7:56 pm

Symptoms are warning alarms, not the real issues. There is something beneath them.

Usually when you feel like that, there is something that triggered that reaction. Not necessarrilly the REAL cause, but something that started all the "feeling like crap situation". My first question would be when did it exactly you felt that way and what happened prior to that.

sprunkner · Post by **sprunkner** » Sat Mar 03, 2007 8:36 am

made an appointment with a shrink through my work's help-line for Monday.

This is a terribly nerve-wracking thing to go into blind. Usually I can ask my dad, who is a shrink, who he knows in the area that's good. But he knows no one here.

sprunkner · Post by **sprunkner** » Sat Mar 10, 2007 7:54 am

so I've been seeing da' shrink.

We talk about religion a lot. A lot. I like the guy. I do hope that we can hit some other topics next time.

I feel in the grip of a nasty black dog right now. It might have something to do with the bikini-clad hotties I leered at online today. weird that I would feel guilty about bikinis. This is definitely the wrong place to confess to semi-pr0n guilt trips.

Post by **Denyer** » Sat Mar 10, 2007 1:30 pm

Just watch out for members of the medical profession who project through their own experience -- horror stories of abortion "counsellors" picked out of phone books or advertisements turning out to be didactic lecturers or wannabe exorcisers suggest that there isn't much regulation.

It may simply be that he's starting out by simply getting you to talk on any topic you seem to want to, but be wary if he won't be steered to other subjects of conversation.

Porn... well, if you want minimal guilt I'd suggest something like IShotMyself or BeautifulAgony. Real people with exhibitionist streaks who are in control of the setup.