The Aaron Hong War Journal, 2006

[Aaron Hong]

The below covers the events between February 27 and March 16, 2006. Instead of the regular addendums at the end of each day like 'Moral of the story' and Good News/Bad News' and whatnot, I have instead decided to add something completely different, simply entitled 'Yoda Says.' Yoda, Jedi grandmaster and all-round little guy, has left us with so much wisdom over the course of the Star Wars movies that I have in fact found a quote from Yoda that can sum up each day's entry succinctly, if not grammatically.

Here we go.

2/27 MONDAY

Every round of incamp training starts with the same standard stuff... scanning the barcode of your ID, signing over the accommodations, then sweeping the dead bugs out of said accommodations before lunch time. The highlight of the day was the inspection/stocktaking of the IFVs and every little piece of equipment they come with, down to the humble 4mm hex wrench head. I swear we counted the same cast iron doodickery as three or four different things before we got the picture ID.

1910hrs. A freak downpour has put paid to several evening plans, including a sports meet by a neighburing unit full of recruits, and a potential night out for us. Rather than go on about this gag involving windows so old-fashioned you have to close them fron the outside, I'll just tell a little story about one of the army's most underrated luxuries.

Shoes.

I've had my army-issued trainers since freaking '96 or something, and recently they've been yapping into my face. Thankfully the credit system means the army now gives us some money to buy sh*te. So imagine my surprise and good fortune when the shop was hauling in fresh stock, including some in size 13 2E.

I never ever used my handphone to relate good news or just to chat before, and certainly not on the same day.

YODA SAYS: Good relations with the Wookiees I have.

2/28 TUESDAY

Things take a little turn towards the suck today, as issuing firearms becomes daily procedure. Supervised a weapons revision that got boring fast. Fortunately, the lounge has been slightly upgraded with a new VCD player THAT ACTUALLY HAS CABLES. W00T.

1818hrs. Waited this long to update 'cos I forgot. Basically we got reacquainted with the firearms of the SAF, then I got a bit of time to myself and tried to catch a nap, but the weather really was too hot. Compare with the freak rainstorm last night.

Not much else to report except that a local sitcom on TV tonight is showing an episode ABOUT MILITARY TRAINING. What the hell.

YODA SAYS: Begun the Clone War has.

[Predabot]

Sounds like the same good ol' times as ussual.

Or, well, a little bit better, since now you can actually watch some valid entertainment this time... Bring any box-sets with you? TFTM-special, special edition perhaps? And maybe some Cybertron.

[sprunkner]

Kill me some droids!

[Aaron Hong]

Or, well, a little bit better, since now you can actually watch some valid entertainment this time...

Just keep reading...

3/1 WEDNESDAY

Slept in 2-hr instalments last night. Today on the agenda is getting reacquainted with slightly bigger firearms ie. tanks. The tank jocks at least kept the daily shenanigans down to an invisible level this time, though one of them was heard describing last night's TV programs as 'the boobs belt'.

1830hrs. The night out is confirmed. Gonna zip home to grab some fresh clothes and maybe VCDs. Unfortunately I have to zip back early to catch Samurai 7 'cos I'll never make it back by 2359hrs if I watch it at home.

YODA SAYS: Do, or do not. There is no try.


3/2 THURSDAY

Showering is considered a luxury in the army. Some also consider it a waste of time, 'cos you'll bge sweating again soon enough.Even a large TV is considered a luxury, which makes sense since the brandspanking new VCD player DOESN'T WORK.

Weapons revision this time covers the huge machine gun and grenade launcher sitting atop the IFV, and I believe grilling - sorry, evaluations come next.

1800hrs. There's a man, going round, taking names... and asking what kind of military heat we're packing when we roll out (rifle, machine gun etc.) I swear I never heard the term 'organic weapon' before in my LIFE... and I doubt the buggers know what it sounds like it means.

YODA SAYS: Judge me by my size, do you?

[Predabot]

'Organic' weaponry....

Just mash em' with a gorilla-hand! Or better yet.... they may be hiding a Nemesis-unit!

[Aaron Hong]

3/3 FRIDAY

This time the training gets a bit more hardcore, as the troops practice what I'll call Digging In, or exiting the armored vehicles when they stop, standing guard while we set up the camouflage net and ****. Got another night out, but too pooped to go anywhere. Nothing much else to talk about. Oh, we had some celebrities of nature, real live pygmy hummingbirds that flew over and landed on the vehicles, as if doing some funky vehicle inspection, but thankfully they didn't leave any comments.

YODA SAYS: Do, or do not... wait.

PS I think I did go someplace though. Shopping downtown.

4/3 SATURDAY

More of the same. Seriously. It should be over faster than this since this time it's just an evaluation of everything we've learned thus far. Just a minor hiccup concerning the driver of the safety vehicle disappearing at random for smoke breaks. Proof that tobacco still beats out crack as a national threat here.

1200hrs. Here's what I menat when I said it should be over. They always let the dogs out at lunchtime on Saturday, but instead we have to go through the SAF's idea of Seafood Spaghetti, which includes crab sticks, one barely breaded scallop, a fried fillet in flour and a half-baked attempt at calamari. At least it's not moving.

1700hrs. It's over - for now - should have packed some of my clothes earlier to avoid the rush. Until Monday morning, Out To You.

YODA SAYS: Mud ball? Slimy? My home this is!

[Aaron Hong]

6/3 MONDAY

Further evaluations today. Fortunately this time it WAS over early. Not much else to do now, so someone managed to bring in a mobile DVD player that connects to the TV in the lounge, and we all watched National Treasure.

1830hrs. More boredom time, except possibly for the other movies we smuggled in camp, like Blade Trinity, and this Thai movie called Necromancer. Do not get this movie.

YODA SAYS: Only what you bring with you.

7/3 TUESDAY

More extensive evaluations this time round, focusing on rolling out the tanks, and Digging In procedures. Apparently the boys delivered, even the tank jocks, and every one relaxed afterwards in the Legendary Lounge. Movies were 'Twisted' starring Ashley Judd, and Hallmark's King Solomon's Mines.

1545hrs. Just sat in for a briefing. Not much to write about except that the local officers made us take this shade-the-numbers survey, on training thus far, and what I'll refer to candidly as espirit de corpse. With questions like 'if war should come, I am confident in going with my boys to war' and ****. With the tank jocks around there's only one way the answers can go, though I wonder how many buggers shaded 'Strongly Agree' for 'If war should come, I am prepared to shoot to kill'.

1830hrs. Time for the routine Battalion Cohesion Activity. I'm really surprised that they gave us the night out after this, because the BCA gets a pretty high priority in the military. It's just a dinner catered by Four Seasons (yes, the same hotel Jet Li was flooded in), but it's the Brass saying that Hey, We're Human Beings As Well, while sending the boys home bearing the message Not To Worry, Parents of Singapore, Your Boys are in Safe and Above All Caring Hands. It holds a higher priority than having troops that can shoot straight, which is why nobody's firing live ammo in this outing. I brought my own batteries though, so we can power the laser sights on the rifles and play punk with the people downstairs, or conduct uniform inspections 'Are You Hot' style.

*Yoda was in a lightsaber duel with five Siths and could not be reached for comment*

[spiderfrommars]

YODA SAYS: My weekend this is!

That's cheating...

[Aaron Hong]

8/3 WEDNESDAY

Here's where we reach the major discrepancy brught over from yesterday - today ended with enough time for a Night Out, which was mistakenly placed yesterday instead. (Movie Night was X-Men 2.) To analyse this, the AHWJ goes into point form for the first time as we break the events down into digestible facts:

• 1500hrs. The first highlight of the day, a Familiarisation Drive, which is not some leaflet campaign but a huge roll-out of all vehicles convoy-style with every tank, M113, and BX making the rounds out in our backyard ie. the rainforesty training area. Legends abound of 3-ton trucks that can miss a 20-foot bridge just to go into a 7-foot ditch, so perhaps we're not expected to survive this drive.
  18300hrs. The Commanding Officer gives a debriefof all the evaluations ths far. Make no mistake, people are keeping score. And surprisingly everyone, even the tank jocks and this one gay M113 driver I know, stepped up and scored well above 90% total. Now if I were in charge of this gig, I would have placed the catered dinner AFTER this debrief, for fairly obvious reasons.

YODA SAYS: Premonitions? Premonitions...

9/3 THURSDAY

This is where the real sh-- takes place. From 7 am today till Friday 2 pm, we will be stuck out in the field ie. Our Backyard, going through one guns-blazing tank-treading combat exercise after another, with our IFVs our only refuge at night. Since that means this report was written quite some time AFTER the fact, the AHWJ goes into point form once again, to better highlight the... umm... highlights of the event.

• Saw a real live wild boar (as opposed to the Pumbaa-model warthog) running across the gravel trail. Never reappeared. Probably knew it was way outclassed, with bigger pigs like us in the vicinity.
• Even with the superior shocks of the Land Rover, the gravel trails are still bad enough that nearly every ride was like this.
  
• Instead of exhaust pipes under the rear bumpers like every street legal and nonlegal car in existence, armor vehicles have exhaust vents on the rear right corner, belching black smoke AT FACE HEIGHT. Thanks, now I can cross Lungs off my organ donor card...
• Laser sights don't show up good in the daytime.
• Do not attempt to play Duels of the Fates with color-filtered torches in DUST CLOUDS. I believe I picked my nose more in the past two days than in the year thus far.
• Sleeping out in the field - can't be done. I remember finding time between tosing and turning to check my watch... 0238, 0315, 0449...

YODA SAYS: I sense much fear in you.

[Aaron Hong]

10/3 FRIDAY

0600hrs. It's not really considered a new day until the morning chaos starts up, with camo nets taken down and IFVs rolled into formation for the next run. It's also not considered a run without

• The initial communications breakdown when they can't agree on the radio frequency.
• Someone loses his **** someplace.
• The machineguns testfire their blank ammo, just for kicks. Imagine what the tank jocks go through doing that....

1400hrs. Nearly over. Saw 1 soldier get hauled off to sickbay for giddiness & general dehydration. Went through a major logistical hiccup when the flood of returning treaded vehicles caused an armored vehicle jam. Head-high exhausts anyone?

1900hrs. Dismal dinner done over with, no sign of getting the night off, not with talk of the boys 'setting up the casino' on the Lounge going around.

2000hrs. You remember the Physical Fitness Test from the last AHWJ? Well IT'S BACK - not right nw, but tomorrow morning. We are required to consume 1 liter of water the night before, and fortunately that was settled before a new army tradition - Movie Night. This time it's one I smuggled in, Spider-Man 2.

YODA SAYS: Always 2, there are.


11/3 SATURDAY

This is where the Physical Fitness Test begins. All pasing requirements same as before, but with a tiny dfference - a new Electronic Scoring System, with smart-chip number tags given to everyone, and elaborate smart exercise equipment that knows when you look at them funny. Here's how they do what they SHOULD be doing:

• Situps are done on a long platform with velcro straps on one end. Place your Smart-Tag on the placement panel, and a nice LED display shows your tag number, then counts down the 60 seconds while taking in the number of reps. Not sure how that works, maybe some pressure-sensor in the platform someplace.
• Pullup bars have these elaborate thingys built into the sides. Place the Smart-Tag in the side pocket to start,and two rows of IR sensors see if you get your head over the bar, good for a given head size.
• Standing Broad Jump is done on another platform, with the LED display giving your tag number and jump distance. A red line with sensors tell you if your toes go over the line before you jump.
• Shuttle Run, 4 times across the same 10m strtch, now has a sensor arch at one end, with the tag holder in the side, and metal trips built into the synthetic rubber running surface on both ends, which you must touch each time you turn and run.
• 2.4km run - naturally a sensor arch isinvolved, only this time it's more of a clothesline (fortunately not at neck level), and it only senses the smart-tag as you run under while wearing it.

1000hrs. It's over, and Movie Night comes on early. This time - Kung Fu Hustle, with a repeat screening after lunch.

1400hrs. You know the troop movements have reached a certain level when they start issuing life jackets. Boat landings are coming next week, and to prepare we're strapping on these lifejackets (which I can barely get my head in) and jumping in and out of lines of white tape outlining the shape of boats. Fun.

1630hrs. Time again for the weekend off - only it'll be harder to sleep with Full Troop Exercise and Coastal Hook coming up... Last 4 days' always the longest. Out To You.

YODA SAYS: Train yourself to let go of everything you fear to lose.

[Aaron Hong]

13/3 MONDAY

From 0845hrs today till 1100hrs Wednesday, we will be out in the field yet again for a Full Troop Exercise. Since extenuating circumstances involvind the durability of paper in The Wild(tm) mean all this is being written some time after the fact, I'm taking this into point form again:

• You've never been in a real traffic jam unless it's one that involves armored treaded vehicles. Head-high exhausts, people!
• The bulk of the first day involved setting up the camouflage nets and then doing a whole lot of NOTHING. Probably some bad intelligence somewhere up the line.
• Last four days' always the longest.
• Had to pack up and roll out at freaking 1 AM, after three hours of lying across the trestles of an IFV and fanning bugs away. They need to make insect repellent work at a radius.
• Heard a rumor that the quartermaster was made to wear the dreaded camo facepaint. I'm gonna have a talk with these people - if there's going to be the drawing of possibly humiliating patterns on people's faces it's going to be done by me.
• Annie's agreed to help me monitor my sleep patterns - by phone. After I told her I was sleeping even less in camp (it's more like a series of naps now), she told me to autodial for her handphone each time I wake up. If she picked up in time, we'd talk about whatever I dreamed about or whether, I dreamed at all; if not, the handphone regisers a Missed Call so she at least gets the time. I dunno where she gets all this from.

YODA SAYS: That is why you fail.

14/3 TUESDAY

Barely slept at all thanks to afore-said rollng-out at 1 am. If it's not 6 am, it's not bloody tomorrow.

• Tanking out on water takes priority when you're out here. When the color of your pee matches your skin, you haven't had enough.
• Always be thankful for everyone who offers you a bit of their meals, allowing you to chalk up a full stomach in instalments. They do hand out rations, but the same stuff gets MIGHTILY BORING by Odin, so much that everyone always brings something extra like instant noodles, bread and peanut butter, lunchmeat, a bottle of not that cool Vanilla Coke among others.
• Got a free ticket ot of Coastal Hook Ops when constant reassignments of men to unassigned units (I swear I saw these dudes walking around aimlessly as their IFV was reassigned elsewhere) left me without the bare minimum number of men needed to carry the stupid boat out of the truck to start with. As it turns out, the actual driving of said boat (whatever that's called) is left to the coxswain, NOT to one of our people, since they couldn't squeeze in outboard-motor lessons with tank-driving lessons.
• Mud forming on your skin (dust+sweat)is nothing compared to sh-t in your eye. Especially in an environment where you can't keep your hands clean for long.
• It's time to review the Aarakkeen Water Conservation Code. One new entry: Snot has the unusual ability of rolling dirtoff your fingertips, allowing you to save even more water from washing your hands when it's jjust a little bit you have to wash out.
• Can't remember the credo from the last AHWJ, so I'll throw together something something even simpler. THE TANK IS HOME. THE GUN IS FAMILY. YOUR SOLDIERS ARE BLOOD. YOUR ENEMY IS CRAP. And your Regimental Sergeant Major is your Lord and Master and other stuff.
• Last 3 days' always the longest.
• Spray-on insect repellent works marginally better if you aim it at the bugs.

Bit of rolling-out took place at 10pm this time. Bad intelligence is a bitch.

YODA SAYS: Hard to see the Dark side is.

[Predabot]

LOL! The Singaporian army sounds almost fun! In a kind of wild west way. Or is that style?

[Aaron Hong]

15/3 WEDNESDAY

Everything before 11 am is a big old blur as we finally roll back into camp. Yes, The Wild(tm) that we train in isn't really owned by the SAF, not when training maneuvers and long marches sometimes go around the waterworks and uncomfortably close to some cemeteries. I swear I'm not making this up.

1300hrs. After our first lunch in camp and first drink of cold cordial in I don't know how long, it's time to start returning stores, after whch we push the scheduled S&M session forward for time. Yes, S&M. It's not the Armored Rangers without spending all your remaining energy and whatever remains of your dignity, doing Servicing and Maintenance of vehicles.

1630hrs. All those extra pockets on the standard field uniform suddenly come in handy as I start on another end-of-training tradition - scavenging the combat rations.Thanks to the fact that a lot of the troops smuggle their own grub into camp anyways, a lot of combat rations go unused, and hunting down all the Milo 3-in-1 and Lipton Ice Tea sachets can take up a lot of one's time.

1920hrs. Another night out confirmed... this time it's strictly business, as I haul some dirty clothes home to lessen the load tomorrow.

Last 2 days' always the longest....

2300hrs. Movie night started early. Ocean's Twelve finished by the time I settled in, and up next is a Bruce Willis outing called Hostage, which has an oddly Sin City-looking opening sequence. Odd.

*Yoda was inducting another Jedi Council member and could not be reached for comment - something about popping the kegs with a lightsaber*

16/3 THURSDAY

0615hrs. Actually managed 6 hours of uninterrupted sleep in camp. Annie's never gonna believe this.

1230hrs. Lunch was so-so. Went for one last shopping trip to the army store and got me one of 'em new fancy trolley-style duffel bags, a huge but slick black affair with wheels and handle. Way cooler than the tubelike green canvas thing whose appearance earned it the nickname of 'the Ali Baba bag'. Now to carry the bugger home.

Yes, Home. The sweetest fourletter word ever. Out To You.

YODA SAYS: At an end your rule is, and not short enough it was.


-----------------

That's all till next year. Out To You.

[Predabot]

CONGRATULATIONS AARON!!