Kinda (well I am) feeling a bit down.

Darth Aux · Post by **Darth Aux** » Thu May 12, 2005 8:01 pm

Man I hate feeling like this, I know exactly what's wrong and I can't do anything about it, nothing what so ever!

I'm home and I am suffering from post holiday blues, but it's more than that. I've been single for ages now and over the years I've become a little used to it.

But now, I've met the most amazing person I've ever met and we really like each other. But there is so much distance and I miss her.

Being on my own again is really smarting at the moment and it'll be a whole month before I can go over again, FFS!!

I don't want to rush into this, but unless one of moves I think this is not going to work and it is really hurting for me to admit that.

I don't speak German, so i have zero chance of finding a job. If I do go there and it doesn't work I'm FUBAR'd and will have to start over again in Britain. Not to mention the same if she came here, although work would be easier.

I don't know what to do, maybe I can beg for money from Bill Gates, sell my soul

(it's worth jack anyway)

Does anyone know of a really cheap airline that goes to Munich?? Prefferably from Cardiff or Bristol and Prefferably Direct.

Autobloke · Post by **Autobloke** » Thu May 12, 2005 9:05 pm

Dude, I feel your pain.

You have a variety of options:

Learn German
She learns English.
You both move to a country other than England or Germany. You may not be any better off, but at least you'll both be in the same position.
Forget all about it. Not an option I imagine (affairs of the heart and all that).
Just go for it. Starting again from scratch may be hard, but not impossible.

I'm sure all of this has already been running through your head, but I thought I'd try and offer something as you sounded so frustrated.
Chin up.

Anyone else got any better (and probably more practical) ideas?

Darth Aux · Post by **Darth Aux** » Thu May 12, 2005 10:04 pm

Thanks dude she can speak English, very well infact.

(Section deleted because I'm sounding like a chump!)

OK, I'm getting negative, so much to do though.

I'm going to learn German, i'll look into finding a job and stuff.

But I will chat with her about this when I go over next, if all is well.

Now where's my hat to keep this under??????

Legion · Post by **Legion** » Thu May 12, 2005 11:49 pm

Darth Aux wrote:Now where's my hat to keep this under??????

It's over there with my coat...

Good luck mate!

I learnt german at school, it's not that bad really. although i've forgotten most of it in the 12 years since i finished those classes!

Metal Vendetta · Post by **Metal Vendetta** » Fri May 13, 2005 5:07 am

I live with a German dude, and he has a lot of friends over. The language is not too difficult to learn, its's quite similar to English (and it's very like Dutch) and I can usually follow the conversation when they speak it.

Deine mutter war ein hamster und dein vater roch nach holunderbeeren!

Darth Aux · Post by **Darth Aux** » Fri May 13, 2005 6:35 pm

Well the good news is she is coming over here soon (Next month I think), as I cannot afford to go every month. Which helps me out a lot (especially if we do a month each alternatively)

I can take German Lessons in work, during my own time.

I have started to act like an adult and save for "MY" future, I'm doing this for myself.

The problem is I'm getting crap from people I trained in work now and I'm getting passed by for promotion. But staying there was an integral part in getting my butt into order, because I get shares every year that I can sell after 3 years of receiving that particular bunch.

I have a few more things to get in order and I can look torwards a brighter future.

I appologise guys and girls, I've been venting here a few times recently and I'll keep it schtum next time.

Thanks for the support MV, Legion (I'll stop stealing your coat now

) and Autobloke

Post by **spiderfrommars** » Fri May 13, 2005 6:44 pm

Stick with it mate.

After uni my girlfriend and I had a long distance relationship for a long time. It's not easy, and every mundane moment alone feels a waste when you could be sharing time together. At least you have a goal, and something to work towards. Oh, and a gorgeous girlfriend too! Good luck.

Metal Vendetta · Post by **Metal Vendetta** » Fri May 13, 2005 8:14 pm

No need to apologise - everryone has a little vent on here now and again...and it looks like this one actually helped you, which in my book is a good result.

Good luck with everything

Autobloke · Post by **Autobloke** » Fri May 13, 2005 8:30 pm

No problems - my life dips into the sh*t on a worryingly regular basis, so I can understand when people feel trapped by circumstance.
Fib to your work about leaving so you can leech the basts for all you can. Then bugger off and leave them in the lurch.
I've done this - it's fun.

Darth Aux · Post by **Darth Aux** » Tue May 17, 2005 12:26 am

Oh well that's that.

Should've known to trust my feelings and not let this happen.

FFS, I could see it coming. But no I gotta go with the everything will be ok vibe.

It doesn't help that she told me she wanted to take things slowly.

Now I get the we are friends conversation but at the same time it's a we should take it slow conversation. I don't understand which are we??

I just feel like saying goodbye.

We've talked some more and I just did, say goodbye. But now she's all we should take it slow and saying I'm all it's not going to happen.

So I am just really confused.

We spent half of tonight talking about her coming to visit and sorting out the details, then as soon as we were getting down to arranging it all..... she from no where comes out with........."I can't come."

Now we are talking again, but she wants to completely avoid the subject. Is this healthy? Am I gonna get hurt?? Shall I just go with the flow??? Will this lead to something???? Will Danger Mouse escape from the evil Baron Greenback?????

Tired Tracks · Post by **Tired Tracks** » Tue May 17, 2005 1:23 am

Darth Aux, I feel your pain!

About 3 years ago I met a girl on ICQ. She lived in Portugal and I am living on the eastern US coast in Maine. We talked for a while and then I realized that I love her. I told her so, but after a month or so we broke up because we decided we'd never meet in person, and she stopped talking to me for emotional reasons.
Then about 2 years ago she moved to America, a little south of New England (not being specific) while I lived in florida. We regained contact by an accident of her brother using her IM account. Still a big distance but getting there.
I talked to her more and more often, and last october I asked her to be mine again. I spent thanksgiving vacation in her house, and just today I got back from my second 5 day visit at her place to go to her prom. By September she will probably be living in maine to attend college at the same campus I do!

"Not gonna happen" is a matter of perspective I think

Darth Aux · Post by **Darth Aux** » Tue May 17, 2005 5:38 am

Thanks Tracks

We are going to start over, as friends to get to know each other more, as we have known each other a month. Although I say it's less as we have only met in person for 5 days.

What I don't understand is I want to take it slow, I have from day 1 whilst she rushed things along and then once i get caught up, she slams the emergency break on.

So what I get is this:

We are friends

We like each other

But we are not BF & GF

May be one day we will be, but only time will tell.

To quote "If we are right then we will be, if not then we will not"

What i am not sure of is are we still going to be visiting each other.

I'm still unsure what to do, I have a German lesson booked for Friday, I thought that best to start now rather than 2 years down the line, when I may move there if we are together. (See I wasn't thinking anytime soon)

Ahhg this doesn't fit into my simplistic relationship ideals.

Post by **Best First** » Tue May 17, 2005 9:54 am

i've had teh experience before where girls get just as carried away as boys with the passion of it all at the start, but then start to question whta the relationship means in terms of things beyond physical/immediate attraction.

This can sometimes lead to questions of how much you like them as a person and even feelinga bit used, despite the fact they were perfectly willing at the time.

Hence the brakes get slammed on and the gfocus shifts to getting to know each other.

Its sort of understandable, but frustrating.

But if you lek here worth peristing with i think, at least for a bit.

hoppe that makes any kind of sense.

Good luck mate.

Snowcat · Post by **Snowcat** » Tue May 17, 2005 10:42 am

Well, I know how the "down" feeling feels.

I`m getting divorced, my 9 month (!!!!) marriage is over. The ex has found that she doesn`t want to be married after all, you`d think after a 3 year relationship she could have worked it out sooner.

Post by **spiderfrommars** » Tue May 17, 2005 10:54 am

Snowcat wrote:Well, I know how the "down" feeling feels.

I`m getting divorced, my 9 month (!!!!) marriage is over. The ex has found that she doesn`t want to be married after all, you`d think after a 3 year relationship she could have worked it out sooner.

Sorry to hear that mate.

Snowcat · Post by **Snowcat** » Tue May 17, 2005 10:56 am

It happens. My luck ran out. I reckon some people are meant to be alone...I`m one of them.

Pissin' Poonani · Post by **Pissin' Poonani** » Tue May 17, 2005 11:08 am

Snowcat wrote:It happens. My luck ran out. I reckon some people are meant to be alone...I`m one of them.

No way mate.

I understand why you'd feel that way (I'm in that place myself at the mo), but no matter how much it hurts now you will come through this, and you won't be alone forever.

It seems to me that you're a good bloke, and I really do feel awful for you, but situations like this are hard enough without convincing yourself that you're destined to be alone. I hope things work out for you-I hope that she realises a divorce isn't what she wants, and that this will all end happily-but even if it doesn't, remember that you will survive this, and things will get better.

Sorry I can't offer anything better, hope you'll feel better soon.

Snowcat · Post by **Snowcat** » Tue May 17, 2005 11:13 am

I`m afraid it`s divorce, it`s properly over. Meh, what can I say? I had a good run.

Post by **Best First** » Tue May 17, 2005 11:54 am

doesn't mean you can't/won't met someone else.

nos probably not the time mind.

really sorry to hear that mate.

Snowcat · Post by **Snowcat** » Tue May 17, 2005 12:04 pm

I`ll get over it. Eventually. Right now I`m in "Get pissed every night on red wine, whilst killing myself slowly with cigs" stage.

Post by **Best First** » Tue May 17, 2005 12:14 pm

i can relate.

apart from the cigs.

This is proving to be a poor year from the pov of TFans romance...

Impactor returns 2.0 · Post by **Impactor returns 2.0** » Tue May 17, 2005 12:18 pm

Im still not smoking, not bad...

Post by **Best First** » Tue May 17, 2005 12:22 pm

not bad at at all.

i'm trying to nail the booze a bit . Booze = tired = miserable by and large.

Tfans Club 18-30 holiday anyone?

Post by **Kaylee** » Tue May 17, 2005 12:23 pm

Auxy, have you considered that maybe you're just feeling emphatuation rather then 'love'? (tho if anybody ever finds out where one stops and the other starts, let me know)

Lots of relationships dont get beyond the mutually enjoyed canoodling stage, I've done it myself twice now. It seems to hurt even more because it feels like you weren't really given a chance and because you weren't together long enough to find out any of the other person's faults it feels like you've lost the perfect human being.

I suppose the best thing to do is to sit down, take a few deep breaths and convince yourself of a few 'truths'. Just repeat them over to yourself until you are quite sure, in your rational mind, that they are correct.

I'll start you off if you like-

In the final analysis, its only a brief relationship and you have many other relationships in your life which you still have and will continue to have for many years I hope. You've got lots of good things in your life. If this one shouldn't work out, then it won't stop the sun from rising tomorrow and it won't make you any less lucky or give you any real reason to feel sad considering all the reasons you have to be happy

As I said I've done exactly the same thing, had my heart break far too quickly and then go and do all the begging and crying that goes along with it (to be fair, in the first instance I was only young). If I were to go through that again, as I might well do, that is how i would start to deal with it.

Helps to keep it all in perspective, and then when you get that awful feeling like the bottom is dropping out of your heart you can stop and think 'wait, this is mad... why should I feel this bad over something that is in the end so small?' then it doesn't hurt anything like as bad as it would have done ^_^

Leastways thats what works for me

Pissin' Poonani · Post by **Pissin' Poonani** » Tue May 17, 2005 12:27 pm

Best First wrote:
Tfans Club 18-30 holiday anyone?

Will each of us be charged extra for the huge sodding rain-clouds we seem to be carting around with us?

Bah. Somebody shoot me already.

Post by **Best First** » Tue May 17, 2005 12:38 pm

*pushes PP down a chute.

...that leads to, er, something nice?

sorry.

Pissin' Poonani · Post by **Pissin' Poonani** » Tue May 17, 2005 1:02 pm

It's dark down here, and I think something just touched me...

Post by **Best First** » Tue May 17, 2005 1:12 pm

that would be Papa Snarl.

Sister Sludge · Post by **Sister Sludge** » Tue May 17, 2005 1:17 pm

Or me.

Post by **Best First** » Tue May 17, 2005 2:03 pm

nah, you are just one of Spidey's alt ids.