Invent a film! (aka "Brend starts a religious flamewar&

Brendocon · Post by **Brendocon** » Tue Feb 08, 2005 11:42 am

Yes, I'm bored.

Untitled Passion of the Christ sequel
(working title: P2: Judgement Day)
Script by Joss Whedon
Directed by James Cameron

Nobody knows what happened to Jesus following his resurrection at the cliffhanger ending of the first film. Not even the original book from which the film was adapted gives many details.

Now, we find out...

It is the year 2006, and the recently-revived Jesus has been transported two thousand years into the future; thus explaining his sudden disappearance.

Resentful at being brought back to life against his wishes, he lashes out at those around him, eventually settling into a mission to kill the Last Tsion.

It falls to the final living descendent of Judas Iscariot (Bob Iscariot - a young Jew who refuses to follow in his father's footsteps as a tailor) to stop the crazed messiah and at the same time gain redemption for his ancestor's misdeeds... whilst simultaneously finding his own place in life.

But things aren't quite that straightforward, as Jesus has been followed through the time machine by an agent of those who had him killed... an agent who will stop at nothing to collect his fee.

Starring...

Mikael Nilsson as Jesus
Tom Welling as Bob Iscariot
Edward Furlong as Trevor, the Last Tsion
Keira Knightley as the Generic Love Interest
Tom Lenk as Andrew
Jason Mewes as Jay
Kevin Smith as Silent Bob
Synthesiser Patel as The Ghost of Christmas Past
and introducing Death's Head as himself

Your turn!

Post by **Best First** » Tue Feb 08, 2005 1:10 pm

Deaths Head would never lower himself to starring in such ridiculous fantasy.

jboyler · Post by **jboyler** » Tue Feb 08, 2005 1:52 pm

Masters of the Post-911 Universe
Script by Michael Moore
Directed by Michael Moore
Self-Righteous Commentary by Michael Moore

The film begins with the beloved and spoiled Prince W finding that 2% more people approve of him than his rivals Keletor and Gorus the Cyborg. Believing that 2% is an 'overwhelming mandate' he seizes his mighty sword, bellows "I dun got the power!" and in a bolt of lightning becomes He-Bush.

With the help of his friends Condolee-rah, Don-at-Arms, and the mysterious Chen-O, He-Bush charges off to do battle with the forces of evil whereever they may hide. Not that he actually cares about why the evildoers do evil or how badly he destroys people's lives; no, He-Bush has the Power of the American Dollar, and he will stop at nothing to destroy the Axis of Evil when and where it is most convenient for him.

Meanwhile, back at Castle Grayskull, Colin Powell just sighs and tries to fix the mess He-Bush makes. After 4 years he realizes that he and Denzel Washington are the only two black men that stand a chance of being President, so he books and tells He-Bush to clean up after himself from now on.

Starring...

George W. and his Merry Ensemble
Colin Powell as the Wise Oracle
John Kerry as the Politically Inept Keletor
Michael Moore as the Arrogant Blowhard
And 1.4 million servicemembers as the ones who have to put up with it

-J

Post by **spiderfrommars** » Tue Feb 08, 2005 1:54 pm

Colin Powell would never lower himself to starring in such ridiculous fantasy.

Brendocon · Post by **Brendocon** » Tue Feb 08, 2005 2:13 pm

Best First wrote:Deaths Head would never lower himself to starring in such ridiculous fantasy.

Fantasy?! For all you know, it could be truth.

Señior's Covenant · Post by **Señior's Covenant** » Tue Feb 08, 2005 2:55 pm

*Ahem* He worked for Bush. [EDIT] Colin that is. [/EDIT]

Obfleur · Post by **Obfleur** » Tue Feb 08, 2005 3:16 pm

I love it that Mikael Nilsson is playing Jesus.
Great casting there Brend!

Post by **Best First** » Tue Feb 08, 2005 3:41 pm

Brendocon wrote:
Best First wrote:Deaths Head would never lower himself to starring in such ridiculous fantasy.
Fantasy?! For all you know, it could be truth.

yeah right. Next thing you will be saying a women is responsible for the downfall of mankind and demonsiing perfactly natural activities like sexual intercourse.

Brendocon · Post by **Brendocon** » Tue Feb 08, 2005 3:46 pm

Best First wrote:yeah right. Next thing you will be saying a women is responsible for the downfall of mankind and demonsiing perfactly natural activities like sexual intercourse.

Stop trying to undermine my perfectly viable "Giant Robot Bounty Hunter kills Jesus whilst Andrew is Fantastic" movie!

Post by **Best First** » Tue Feb 08, 2005 4:30 pm

Redstreak · Post by **Redstreak** » Wed Feb 09, 2005 12:06 am

Brendocon wrote:
Best First wrote:Deaths Head would never lower himself to starring in such ridiculous fantasy.
Fantasy?! For all you know, it could be truth.

Guess I'll beat the rush and start worshipping Death's Head now, then.

Metal Vendetta · Post by **Metal Vendetta** » Wed Feb 09, 2005 10:39 am

Well if we're trying to start a religious flamewar...

What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?

...

It only takes one nail to hang a picture of Jesus.

Stormwolf · Post by **Stormwolf** » Wed Feb 09, 2005 10:43 am

Redstreak wrote:
Brendocon wrote:
Best First wrote:Deaths Head would never lower himself to starring in such ridiculous fantasy.
Fantasy?! For all you know, it could be truth.
Guess I'll beat the rush and start worshipping Death's Head now, then.

All hail Death's Head our savior, yes?

Brendocon · Post by **Brendocon** » Wed Feb 09, 2005 10:43 am

Metal Vendetta wrote:It only takes one nail to hang a picture of Jesus.

Technically, Jesus wasn't hanged.

Apart from that, bravo.

Obfleur · Post by **Obfleur** » Wed Feb 09, 2005 1:00 pm

Brendocon wrote:
Metal Vendetta wrote:It only takes one nail to hang a picture of Jesus.
Technically, Jesus wasn't hanged.

He was well hung though.

Death's Head · Post by **Death's Head** » Thu Feb 10, 2005 10:17 am

This is my church.

This is where I heal my hurts.

Post by **Best First** » Thu Feb 10, 2005 10:31 am

wouldn't a hospital be better?

Redstreak · Post by **Redstreak** » Fri Feb 11, 2005 12:51 am

Stormwolf wrote:
Redstreak wrote:
Brendocon wrote: Fantasy?! For all you know, it could be truth.
Guess I'll beat the rush and start worshipping Death's Head now, then.
All hail Death's Head our savior, yes?

Yessssssssss...

Obfleur · Post by **Obfleur** » Fri Feb 11, 2005 9:10 am

Mentos: A tale about finding the truth.. using brutal violence
Script by David Lynch
Directed by Darren Aronofsky

Ever wondered what the [composite word including 'f*ck'] Memento was all about?
Find out in this remake of the 2000 classic.

Leonardo is a former action hero whos memory has been altered by his wife's murderers. His quality of life has been severely hampered after this event; the murderers made him believe he is now the governor of California, so he can no longer kill people in cool ways using cheesy one-liners.

But what the murderers didn't think of, was Freddy: Leonardos action hero rival.
What happens when Freddy tells Leonardo the truth?
Find out, this summer!

Movie will be subtitled

Starring...

Arnold Schwarzenegger as Leonardo Mentos
Sylvester Stallone as Freddy Gargamel
Kristanna Loken as Cathy Mentos
Ben Stiller as Wife Murderer #1
Sven-Göran Eriksson as Wife Murderer #2
Robert Patrick as T1000

Brendocon · Post by **Brendocon** » Fri Feb 11, 2005 9:13 am

Ben Stiller in a movie without Owen Wilson? Like that's gonna happen...

Aaron Hong · Post by **Aaron Hong** » Fri Feb 11, 2005 9:20 am

Brendocon wrote:Ben Stiller in a movie without Owen Wilson? Like that's gonna happen...

Maybe Owen Wilson is portraying this made-up character Sven-Goran Ericsson, who's in turn portraying a wife killer...

Obfleur · Post by **Obfleur** » Fri Feb 11, 2005 9:25 am

Brendocon wrote:Ben Stiller in a movie without Owen Wilson? Like that's gonna happen...

Owen Wilson actually has a cameo as Random Bad Guy that gets killed #16.

Señior's Covenant · Post by **Señior's Covenant** » Fri Feb 11, 2005 4:55 pm

Ben Stiller should star in every movie.[/Maddox]

Sorry. It was there so I said it.

Bored.