Don Murphy's cartoon contest

Stormwolf · Post by **Stormwolf** » Fri May 13, 2005 5:42 pm

Señior's Covenant wrote:Um... .......poor Princess Toadstool?

She's having the time of her life

Metal Vendetta · Post by **Metal Vendetta** » Fri May 13, 2005 5:47 pm

Yeah, she loves it.

Señior's Covenant · Post by **Señior's Covenant** » Fri May 13, 2005 5:56 pm

Maybe at some point in the beginning. But look at the eyes. Is she even still breathing?

Señior's Covenant · Post by **Señior's Covenant** » Fri May 13, 2005 7:09 pm

http://www.theforce.net/latestnews/stor ... _92368.asp

Post-movie Prediction wrote:I saw the live action Transformers movie today. I am still having chest pains, and still going through withdrawals of decent TF material. The film was *****. I won't spoil the movie for any of you reading this that haven't read any spoilers, seeing it for yourself will do that. Let me say this: I think I have some form of cancer from watching it.

What I'm going to write about is my actual experience and how it turned out to be one of the shittiest days of my life. It's pretty rancid being a TF fan with a working knowledge of what Transformers is about, considering for the past buttload of months I've watched the idiocy around here. That sentence is a perfect prelude into the events that happened today.

I woke up at 2:00 p.m. My alarm was off because it was Saturday, two weeks after the Transformer movie initially came out. I guess it takes a man time to build the fortitude to watch something that could have been great boxed and sold as a nightmarish flop that makes them cringe at every predictable turn of what's happening onscreen. As soon as I opened my eyes, I rolled over and let a blast out of my ass. Three hours later I managed to drag myself from the bed after reminding myself that I'd said I'd do this, got in the shower, put my clothes on (I wore black in tradition with going to an event where someone or something has died), waited for my buddy who has no real interest in Transformers to show up, and we were out the door in time to catch the late night showing. Our destination was the local Lowes, because namely it's the only decent theater chain left in our area from our combined opinion. I thought for a moment we were going to be early and have to put up with the conversations of those who actually had no grip on reality and were seeing this **** thing for the umpteenth time, then we sprung a flat tire along the way. What a lucky couple of bastards we turned out to be!

We got to the theater about eight. The movie started like ten minutes ago. We parked the car far out to add a little walk to this endeavor, and eventually made it to the ticket booth. There was no line. We were disappointed so. The doors were wide open until around 11 p.m., so there was sadly no waiting to do. Those precious couple of minutes it took to get from the booth to the snack bar however went by faster than they should've. I am a huge Transformers fan, and to be so close to watching a major motion picture that would **** all over one of my happy things in life was purely dreadful. I began to shake with fear. Patrick Turner, the twig of an usher wandering around that I managed to corner and I talked to him a little bit so I would be further delayed in seeing this craptastic flick, grew up in Garland like me. He didn't like Transformers, unlike me. He has no girlfriend, but enjoys the bath houses of downtown Dallas every weekend. He got nervous after a bit and asked me if I was coming onto him. I told him, "if it will extend this conversation further, yes. Yes I am." He ran away at that point spouting something about I wasn't a safe person or some such thing.

Me and my buddy had managed at this point to miss forty minutes of the movie. We'd been standing at the doorway, talking about his World of Warcraft character Apothecary, when someone right behind us said "you're blocking the door." So I turned to the half-pint of a cartoon Robots in Disguise series loving shrimp and said, "I'm doing you a favor kid." He started to cry so I stepped out of the way and looked around to make sure no one was staring at me for scaring a child. There were over 1500 people in a mass down the way waiting to see the Revenge of the Sith movie for the thousandth time. I envied them. Suddenly two people I recognized at voice actors from the Transformers movie burst through the doors I would not enter and made a mad dash for the Star Wars crowd. And these were people who actually worked on the film! Imagine. Two weeks into the flick, the voice actors FFS, attempting to watch their own movie at a Garland theater, then movie hopping. That's crazy! How did I get so cursed?!? I began to cry. People who had worked on creating a cg movie of the Transformers I so loved, running out of the showing like blazing bats out of hell. Their entire careers made mockeries of with one film, or should I say flop? Hey, I'm hardly being harsh here.

9 p.m. finally rolls around and we actually started to move inside the theater. I was shaking more than a wet Chihuahua with his nuts on a block of ice. There were only five others in the entire setting. I saw the kid among them. To my amazement, I hadn't lost consciousness while watching that energon axe spring forth as I slowly made it to my seat far far back, so I sat down and took a breathe. As soon as my butt hit the seat, I fell asleep.

About 15 minutes passed and sadly I woke up.

The live action Transformers movie flashed before my eyes.

As I watched the film in awe, not really comprehending that my love of the Transformers would be held by my nonTF-loving friends to this movie reject, etc etc, I couldn't help from biting into my cheek from time to time just to focus on the pain instead of the ****** dialogue. I found myself every 10 or 15 minutes thinking of that asshole Don Murphy and wondering if maybe this time he'd feel regret for his own creation. Granted I knew better than to think self-important trolls had feelings, but he was just as accountable for his actions brought onto the world as the rest of us.

Right in the middle of one of Ravage growling onscreen I spotted him. Don ******* Murphy. Hiding out no doubt from the legions of fans that didn't visit his retina-melting forum board and were now seeking to take his balls Fight Club style. And sure enough, I started to smell the pizza and donuts. Son of a bitch. I guess he was trying to be inconspicuous and go low-profile, because he was wearing the dingiest white tee-shirt I've ever seen. It was brown in some areas. Areas spilt food doesn't go to stain.

A few minutes passed and out of my right I see a another fan, like me. He'd spotted the 'sole as well. He then noticed me noticing him. At first I thought he was going to wink at me, but then he just nodded. It was on. For the first time in my life, not only was I in the same room as Don [composite word including 'f*ck'] Murphy ****, but I actually was looking at an opportunity to do a justice for my fellow fans, and the genetic line of the human race in general. Time stood still for a few moments. Somewhere, God was smiling on me. I don't know how Don slipped in without a thunderous beating, but somehow he did. I was waiting for some hired security guy to show up and sit next to the [composite word including 'f*ck'], but it never happened. He just sat there, alone, unsuspecting.

I would have loved to have heard what he was mumbling to himself, because every 30 seconds or so, he started laughing out loud. I'm sure he was just being his usual self, but I couldn't bring myself to look back up at his crap movie. I really wish I could have been able to hear him, seeing it was just bizarre.

Applauding when no one in their right mind would have applauded, laughing at the jokes that he undoubtedly had a greasy hand in. Surreal is all I can say. I get goose bumps just writing about it right now. At one point during the Autobot Spike vs. Megatron for the Matrix fight, he leaned to absolutely no one on his left and whispered something. As much as I wished I could hear what he was talking about, I would have given just about anything for a tomahawk at that moment. I don't know what it was, perhaps the angle of the neck silhouette in that theater with the mockery of Transformers on the forward screen. Sure, you're thinking killing is a bad thing, but that's not the same as when it's all for the betterment of the world itself. Murphy's the one bringing 'terr' on the TF community. I bet he was saying things that he'll never repeat again. Namely because I planned for him to be dead by the time the film finished.

After the final scene, sound mind appeared. I realized prison time might cut into my bi-weekly paycheck and family time. ****, it's Texas, we kill killers like that one armed boy with the big eye down the street eats pez FFS. My friend and I were the first and only people to stand up and walk out crying at the little piece of us that died in that theater. Everyone else remained seated. No doubt they could no longer feel their legs. I'm at least proud to say that I was the only person who managed to yell "**** YOU DON!!" as I made my way for the door, dizzy. The ass just stood there, clapping throughout the entire credits. I froze at the door. I couldn't believe this guy. It got louder one time as his name appeared on screen. Not one person left during the credits. Not one person. After the final credits rolled, and the lights came on, everyone finally stood up and looked at Don. The whole theater knew where he was sitting. We all turned to him and he ran. The guy across the way that had nodded to me tripped and missed the barreling butterball. As he hightailed it, he screamed something back at us. "All I can say is thanks for the towel, and I'm sorry I left you a tip when I left the bathroom but thanks for the sweet anyway." And to that I say, asshole. Without you, all of this would have been so much greater from step one. Well, at least it may have had a chance then I should say.

After the movie, me and my buddy rolled one and stopped at Jack in the Box. At one point, right before I finished my last taco, [composite word including 'f*ck'] me running Don Murphy actually walked in to order half the menu with a side of the other half. Attempting to stand around his circumference were around 3 or 4 people. Guards. The [composite word including 'f*ck'] had his guards now. He wasn't really talking to them, as he seemed to be just hungry. I realized I was staring at a once in a lifetime moment. So I snuck up on him, the guards didn't care, put my hand up and said "Don, you're a ******* dick!" as I proceeded to bitch slap him. Finally one of the 'guards' said, "Say man, you gotta stop that there. Move along now." So I did. After I finished my last strike, Don extended his hand out towards me and simply whimpered, "hoagie."

And I believe him.

Post by **spiderfrommars** » Fri May 13, 2005 7:50 pm

I love a bit of satire...

As long as you're not really condoning acts of violence against the big man of course...

Señior's Covenant · Post by **Señior's Covenant** » Fri May 13, 2005 8:01 pm

Not at all. Just did it for the funny.

Post by **spiderfrommars** » Fri May 13, 2005 8:04 pm

Thats what I thought...

Autobloke · Post by **Autobloke** » Fri May 13, 2005 8:19 pm

I'm guessing someone has access to the Tardis 'cos that's potentially the most accurate thing I have ever read. In a metaphysical temporal incursion kinda way.

If only Murphy would choke on his own fat ass and die right now. (fingers crossed).

Hope it's all wrong though, eh?

Señior's Covenant · Post by **Señior's Covenant** » Fri May 13, 2005 10:24 pm

Something I don't understand though. In the little reading I managed at 'Sole Murphy's board I got the impression that the folks there don't seem to think it's an issue about Don Murphy's behavior (which regardless of "where" he says whatever, doesn't give him the right to be an utter **** to everyone he wants simply because he's in what some numbnuts over there consider a position of power) or his site being cornea sizzling or even that toonage-gushers have the run of things, but that it's somehow a matter of people just wanting to bitch in their own little territory??? Is it the folks at that board, who quite frankly have their craniums so far up Murphy's rectum snout first mere reading should be rated X, merely kissing up to him? Is the idea that if Don were NOT a part of all this they would see him for the ass he is and give him a cold shoulder [composite word including 'f*ck'] off not crossing any of their minds? Does the fact I'd rather speak heavily and often of comic content (Marvel for the mentally deficient) being in the movie rather than who would be a better Sparkplug or what I think about Busta Rhymes doing the voice for Jazz, somehow not comprehendible here? Here's a thought. Someone that can register post a topic there specifically with the question of nothing more than "What is your preference for this movie's influence? - The Cartoon. - The Marvel Comic Book Series. - The Dreamwave Comic Book Series. - Other." The result is the reason someone like me trying to input to an asshole like Murphy is pointless stress for me. I deal with enough shites as it is.

And here's a sudden thought. If "Post HERE, we'll listen!" is the deal, why a ‘make sure we include as much of this as possible”/‘It is not a DVD of what to put in the movie” DVD 'reel'? Where's the importance of what input?