When I grow up...

JawBreaker · Post by **JawBreaker** » Sun Mar 27, 2011 3:28 am

Without attempting to seem remarkably melodramatic I’m willing to raise my hand and admit I never became what I wanted to become; I never wanted to be a designer. I wanted to be a cosmonaut.

Be it a victim of circumstance, upbringing or finical viability this aspiration was regrettably abandoned by the wayside and though begrudgingly in retrospect I’ve never quite been able to muster the required physical form or rugged chiseled chin, in some shape of ramshackle defense the dream was never encouraged.

Whenever I introduce myself, beyond the initial query centered around which exact pigeonhole of design I should be filed under, it is remarked upon just how lucky I am to be crafting a career from something I evidently take a great interest in; they then go on to lament their chosen field with frankly unnecessary detail while I twiddle my thumbs or remove the label from my beer. It is certainly easy to agree with this perspective and while ignoring the fact that the metamorphosis of a hobby to career often leaves many designers with a grotesque hybrid neither enjoyable nor financially rewarding its safe to say for the foreseeable future at least that I am certainly more than content with the industry I’m entering for the first time fresh faced from a life of academia.

However, as with every milestone I did ponder exactly when it is that you are forced to abandon ‘unreasonable’ life ambitions and just how organic these decisions are.

For around three months I’ve been a ‘walk in’ tutor on a not so local university foundation course; so I blather on about graphics and whatnot to students barely three years younger than me while stroking my beard and tapping my tweed coat to desperately signal authority.

It’s gosh darn fun.

However part of this ‘job’ [The amount I’m paid barely justifies that title] involves interviewing the potential new students for the university and literally dictating the next one to four years of their lives.

Sometimes they aren’t very good; Sometimes their pretty god awful. Sometimes I’m the deciding vote and sometimes I shake my head judgmentally knowing I’ve potentially ended someone’s ambition.

What I’m asking you fine chaps and chum is: are you what you thought you would be? And if not can you clearly define when or what changed your life’s trajectory?

I would have made a great cosmonaut.

Post by **Kaylee** » Sun Mar 27, 2011 8:15 am

I empathise with you.

I found it to be a subtle process. Real life seeps in bit by bit. Bills need paying, rent needs finding.

So you find a normal job.

Then more bills need paying, so your job becomes very important. Because you do your job 8 hours a day, every weekday, you start to get very good at it.

Then you get trapped: you're very good at this job, you need it to pay the bills. You're not doing what you want but you don't have the time or money to change direction.

That's when I realised I was a small cog in a big machine.

What saddens me isn't that though. I think how good I would be if I could have put those 8 hours a day towards what I wanted to do: I'd be one hell of a pianist or a pretty phenomenal voice over if I'd spent those hours doing that instead.

I often find it very suffocating.

bumblemusprime · Post by **bumblemusprime** » Mon Mar 28, 2011 5:13 am

Dunno...

I'm pushing 31 and I've spent the last ten years of my life trying to have a family and kids while chasing some impractical dreams... teaching, being a musician, and being a writer.

Part of me would love a normal job at this point if it paid me real money and let me take care of the family. As long as it wasn't too repulsive. I could put up with a lot for 60k a year.

Course, I wouldn't be able to monkey with my currently part-time-job-tastic schedule and make time for creative projects. My dream-chasing has led us to a better quality of life. We live in a little hippie town, walk everywhere and are able to live a lot of our principals by patronizing small businesses and buying local products.

But the trade-off is a total lack of security jobwise. I am bouncing around four part-time jobs at the moment, desperately hoping that I will get the full-time opening at one of them that just came up. It's no fun. I want a steady paycheck instead of living month-to-month.

Legion · Post by **Legion** » Mon Mar 28, 2011 1:11 pm

Karl wrote: I found it to be a subtle process. Real life seeps in bit by bit. Bills need paying, rent needs finding.

So you find a normal job.

Then more bills need paying, so your job becomes very important. Because you do your job 8 hours a day, every weekday, you start to get very good at it.

Then you get trapped: you're very good at this job, you need it to pay the bills. You're not doing what you want but you don't have the time or money to change direction.

FML

Post by **Kaylee** » Mon Mar 28, 2011 4:13 pm

Amen.

The choice seems to be do what you love and live in fear of debt collectors or do what you can and mourn what could have been.

I feel I chose unwisely.

bumblemusprime · Post by **bumblemusprime** » Mon Mar 28, 2011 4:30 pm

Depends what you surround yourself with. Missus Bumblemus knew what she was getting into. She met me when I was in a band, after all. My parents are profs and my grandfather was a prof. They were always encouraging.

I wish I hadn't asked them to bail me out so many times, though. And frankly, though this makes me look like an @$$hole, my life would only have been possible with serious financial support from the 'rents. For a year now I have been making a living without ever asking for money from parents or grandparents or living off student loans. This is the first time ever in my adult life I haven't been living on borrowed money and I've been doing it for a full year. Pretty proud of myself.

I owe the government 35k for an education and my parents, if they kept track, would be owed far more. As it is, I still owe them for helping us to buy a car.

That's its own kind of slavery.

Post by **Kaylee** » Mon Mar 28, 2011 5:57 pm

We could arrange some sort of swap to determine which side the grass is truly greener on?

Shanti418 · Post by **Shanti418** » Mon Mar 28, 2011 6:22 pm

Yeah, I'm with you guys: if we're going to create a false binary upon which your life hinges, it would be pragmatism/idealism. You can choose to go after the money, or if you want to go even deeper, shape your goals and aspirations around things that would get you money, so it will appear to your 40 year old self that you actually wanted aspirations, not money. Or you can go with what makes you happy and either A, make it, B, fold and get pragmatic later, or C, struggle along for most of your life financially.

A key variable as well is how bought in you are to a normative life course: Interested in owning a home/getting married/procreating? Then you'd best trend towards the pragmatic on some level. Don't really care about creating wealth, tying yourself up eternally, and propagating these so called "hu-mans"? Then you've got more room for agency.

Personally, I still struggle with coming from a working class background where my parents gave me middle class aspirations. Sometimes, my idealized future involves sipping wine, going on vacation, and being prized for my intellect. Other times, I wonder if it wouldn't be simpler just to do something for 8 hours a day, and then come home and drown my boredom in tv, alcohol, and sex. My path is somewhat set in the sense that I'm working towards my PhD, but then again, I could still easily f*** it all up.

bumblemusprime · Post by **bumblemusprime** » Mon Mar 28, 2011 6:41 pm

Karl wrote:We could arrange some sort of swap to determine which side the grass is truly greener on?

Cathy and Chrissy might have issues with this swap. Then again, I get the impression that you have a better fashion sense than me, so Chrissy might enjoy a few comments on her wardrobe other than "I like the shirt you wore yesterday."

Shants wrote:false binary

Derrida loves you, you magnificent bastard.

Post by **Kaylee** » Mon Mar 28, 2011 7:02 pm

I'm sure Cathy and Chrissy would just treat it like a holiday! I'd suffer marking your essays and you can get into the deep joy of behaviour-driven software testing.

A key variable as well is how bought in you are to a normative life course: Interested in owning a home/getting married/procreating? Then you'd best trend towards the pragmatic on some level. Don't really care about creating wealth, tying yourself up eternally, and propagating these so called "hu-mans"? Then you've got more room for agency.

An astute observation. Given I have zero interest in marriage, children or mortgages it probably explains me pradicyment! And Sprunk's too!

wideload · Post by **wideload** » Tue Mar 29, 2011 11:55 pm

JawBreaker wrote:Without attempting to seem remarkably melodramatic I’m willing to raise my hand and admit I never became what I wanted to become; I never wanted to be a designer. I wanted to be a cosmonaut.

Be it a victim of circumstance, upbringing or finical viability this aspiration was regrettably abandoned by the wayside and though begrudgingly in retrospect I’ve never quite been able to muster the required physical form or rugged chiseled chin, in some shape of ramshackle defense the dream was never encouraged.

Whenever I introduce myself, beyond the initial query centered around which exact pigeonhole of design I should be filed under, it is remarked upon just how lucky I am to be crafting a career from something I evidently take a great interest in; they then go on to lament their chosen field with frankly unnecessary detail while I twiddle my thumbs or remove the label from my beer. It is certainly easy to agree with this perspective and while ignoring the fact that the metamorphosis of a hobby to career often leaves many designers with a grotesque hybrid neither enjoyable nor financially rewarding its safe to say for the foreseeable future at least that I am certainly more than content with the industry I’m entering for the first time fresh faced from a life of academia.

However, as with every milestone I did ponder exactly when it is that you are forced to abandon ‘unreasonable’ life ambitions and just how organic these decisions are.

For around three months I’ve been a ‘walk in’ tutor on a not so local university foundation course; so I blather on about graphics and whatnot to students barely three years younger than me while stroking my beard and tapping my tweed coat to desperately signal authority.

It’s gosh darn fun.

However part of this ‘job’ [The amount I’m paid barely justifies that title] involves interviewing the potential new students for the university and literally dictating the next one to four years of their lives.

Sometimes they aren’t very good; Sometimes their pretty god awful. Sometimes I’m the deciding vote and sometimes I shake my head judgmentally knowing I’ve potentially ended someone’s ambition.

What I’m asking you fine chaps and chum is: are you what you thought you would be? And if not can you clearly define when or what changed your life’s trajectory?

I would have made a great cosmonaut.

To tell you the truth, your life sounds pretty good. Not to be the debbie downer, but how many cosmonauts are there? If you weren't born with perfect eye sight and "all-American" statistics, the odds of you becomming a cosmonaut were even lower.

I've come to realize that through my many bad jobs over the year, and my now considerably better job, the best and only thing anyone shoudl ever look for is a career that allows themselves to put their own creativity into the job and has room for growth.

As long as you have those two key pieces in a career you will always have the opportunity to reach your limits.

bumblemusprime · Post by **bumblemusprime** » Tue Mar 29, 2011 11:58 pm

Karl wrote:I'm sure Cathy and Chrissy would just treat it like a holiday! I'd suffer marking your essays and you can get into the deep joy of behaviour-driven software testing.

So am I coming to live at your place? Because I intend to join Spidey's band if so.

Yaya · Post by **Yaya** » Wed Mar 30, 2011 2:43 am

One of the most misleading ideas we get inundated with here in America is the concept that "dreams come true". I'm not sure why this mode of thought came into existence, but I feel it can be quite destructive and often clouds rational thought and decision making. And we hear this from our early years. I live in Florida, and I get so sick of the whole Disney World mantra "Dreams do come true!" How many young minds are we going to pollute with this garbage?

Sometimes, dreams come true, sometimes they don't. When one has a dream, the approach should be a cautiously optimistic one based on a realistic effort that always involves a backup plan should one fail to realize that dream. Not a no-holds-barred all out blind rush to achieve it. If one is set on a singular goal, then they have to be mentally (and financially!) prepared to accept failure in that effort. Failure is a part of life. We've all failed in one sense or the other, so why develop a mindset that completely ignores this as a possibility?

I think this especially pertains to the arts, like acting, music, etc. where so much success is determined not even by how good you are, but who you know. Most of all, it pertains to athletes.

I made it to medical school, but when I look back at my mindset, I shudder. My mentality was such that "I must get into medical school". There simply was no other option. That was crazy. When I look back, I think not getting in would have utterly destroyed me. I had no backup plan. It was stupid. If I have children, it's something I will always remember. Have a goal, but have a backup plan, because failure and struggle are a part of life.

JawBreaker · Post by **JawBreaker** » Wed Mar 30, 2011 2:52 am

Oh no, I’m certainly not complaining with my lot in life; however in retrospect the only real reason I ‘do’ what I ‘do’ is because someone, somewhere an extremely long time ago hinted that I may potentially be better than average at it.

It seems insane to think that a positive comment made towards a pasta-shape and finger-paint self portrait potentially set a trajectory that would last to adulthood.

It seems to be that whenever I ask someone why they ‘do’ what they ‘do’ they say because they are good at it. Why are they good? Well, they have been practicing whatever that skill may be for a large portion of their early life. Why that skill? Because they were told it was ‘their thing’ by early academia. If they said I could write I would be a writer, in theory.

I have no problem with this system whatsoever but it’s a strange one.
Plus, I'm scared of heights and can't swim.

wideload · Post by **wideload** » Wed Mar 30, 2011 6:54 pm

Yaya wrote:One of the most misleading ideas we get inundated with here in America is the concept that "dreams come true". I'm not sure why this mode of thought came into existence, but I feel it can be quite destructive and often clouds rational thought and decision making. And we hear this from our early years. I live in Florida, and I get so sick of the whole Disney World mantra "Dreams do come true!" How many young minds are we going to pollute with this garbage?

Sometimes, dreams come true, sometimes they don't. When one has a dream, the approach should be a cautiously optimistic one based on a realistic effort that always involves a backup plan should one fail to realize that dream. Not a no-holds-barred all out blind rush to achieve it. If one is set on a singular goal, then they have to be mentally (and financially!) prepared to accept failure in that effort. Failure is a part of life. We've all failed in one sense or the other, so why develop a mindset that completely ignores this as a possibility?

I think this especially pertains to the arts, like acting, music, etc. where so much success is determined not even by how good you are, but who you know. Most of all, it pertains to athletes.

I made it to medical school, but when I look back at my mindset, I shudder. My mentality was such that "I must get into medical school". There simply was no other option. That was crazy. When I look back, I think not getting in would have utterly destroyed me. I had no backup plan. It was stupid. If I have children, it's something I will always remember. Have a goal, but have a backup plan, because failure and struggle are a part of life.

I think you'd be surprised that when people aim for careers like medicine, they actually end up with a lot of good credentials and experience that make them suitable for other avenues of work.

Myself, I was denied entry into medical school. I know use a lot the experience I gained in the process leading up to medical school for my legal career.

Post by **spiderfrommars** » Wed Mar 30, 2011 7:14 pm

When they handed out the career prospectus at school I went straight to 'A', but actor wasn't there. I quickly flicked to 'S' for Singer. Still no luck. Finally I took a deep breath and opened the page on 'W'. Nope, Writer wasn't there either.

It's probably for the best. I was a right little show off and I wasn't particularly good at any of those things anyway. So when it came to university I jumped straight into a media degree, only it wasn't Media Studies, it was Media Systems, which involved a whole lot of physics and maths and ****.

From there I stumbled into the dog eat dog world of advertising. I did this for five years and it wore me down as a person. I have no idea how I got through it.

I wouldn't have got a job at the Beeb if a mate hadn't given me a leg up. I'm happier yes, but like almost every job the world has ever seen, I always want to be somewhere else. Problem is I lack ambition.

bumblemusprime wrote: So am I coming to live at your place? Because I intend to join Spidey's band if so.

My band? I think you should know that I haven't had a band for about five years.

Post by **Kaylee** » Wed Mar 30, 2011 8:52 pm

bumblemusprime wrote:
Karl wrote:I'm sure Cathy and Chrissy would just treat it like a holiday! I'd suffer marking your essays and you can get into the deep joy of behaviour-driven software testing.
So am I coming to live at your place? Because I intend to join Spidey's band if so.

You can live in the sock drawer

bumblemusprime · Post by **bumblemusprime** » Thu Mar 31, 2011 12:56 am

It looks like Spidey and I are starting a band.

All these years I've been trying to get into Karl's pants and now the best I can do is his socks...

Post by **Kaylee** » Thu Mar 31, 2011 7:39 am

I might be able to upgrade you to the biscuit tin.

bumblemusprime · Post by **bumblemusprime** » Fri May 06, 2011 2:44 pm

Okay, so I bloody well see the other side of the shiny grass a month in!

Before Respectable Job (hereafter RJ) came along, I had a five-year plan. I was going to go back to school and brush up on my Old French, then head out for a PhD in medieval lit. Because nothing sounds like a good time to me the way five years in a library with Chaucer does.

Now granted, this required me to move my family, spend untold thousands of dollars, only some of which would have been covered by fellowships, and then be spat out into a scary and unforgiving academic job market and probably end up with a job much like the one I'm doing, which only involves developmental curriculum. RJ is a good job. I work with good people. I work from home every single day except for two weeks out of the year. There are a few things that bug me--most notably that it is a for-profit college, with the reputation thereof--but I am in a place to change some of the annoying things.

But.

Herein is the but.

A man named Bumblemus dared to dream that his calling in life was to teach medieval literature. Is this important? Shall I compromise? Or should I keep the soft, squishy dream of myself in tweed, enumerating on Chaucer in a respectably musty-smelling college?

Post by **Kaylee** » Fri May 06, 2011 5:26 pm

Balance is important. Finding a 'real job' that crushes your soul isn't on, but then neither is an utter fantasy- although both can be made to work if you're determined enough.

But it's worth bearing in mind that even if you could cope with extreme, it's as much about luck as anything as to whether you can keep it up.

I think a body has to weigh up just how realistic their dreams are, see if they can be broken into smaller building blocks and worked on, especially as things change all the time, for good or ill.

It's both a curse and an unceasing source of wonder to me that things never go as expected.

Good luck to you in your decision. Interestingly I've essentially handed in my notice at work: I'm tired of feeling sick at the thought of my day when I wake up and feeling miserable in the evening.

In the interests of disclosure the people I work with are good, and the job isn't bad: it's just long, stressful and makes me feel like Sisyphus. You shouldn't come home with physical pain in your shoulders from stress and a stabbing sensation in your head!

Ah the hell with it, follow your dream

bumblemusprime · Post by **bumblemusprime** » Fri May 06, 2011 5:31 pm

Ha!

Kongrats, Karl. Good luck finding something more suited to your awesome.

I like the job I have, but I am strangely comforted by the fact that I am part of a bubble poised to burst; if the job goes away next year, I still have Dream Contingency Plan.

Post by **Kaylee** » Fri May 06, 2011 5:34 pm

bumblemusprime wrote:Ha!

Kongrats, Karl. Good luck finding something more suited to your awesome.

I like the job I have, but I am strangely comforted by the fact that I am part of a bubble poised to burst; if the job goes away next year, I still have Dream Contingency Plan.

Not strange: knowing something may come to end end I find helps me enjoy it. I actually enjoy some of the projects at work because I know I'm not going to be there in September.

Funny old world

inflatable dalek · Post by **inflatable dalek** » Fri May 13, 2011 11:00 pm

Well, I must be officially grown up now. I was told by my brother today I'm too old to try and chat up one of his 22 year old friends.

I mean, we were watching Bob Ross do his thing in The Joy of Painting* at the time, that's got to be the sort of thing that the cool young kids do right? Apparently they did a joke about him on Peep Show so he must be hip'n'happening. I'm still down with the young'uns!

*Which has actually been a bit of a joy to rediscover this last week as me and my Brother used to stay up late to watch it on some God foresaken cable channel back at the turn of the century. It's easily the most soothing and relaxing TV ever made, a jolly happy man just taking great pleasure in making his simple little painting with such enthusiasm it makes you want to go buy the stuff to copy him. Until you find all the paint he uses and the equipment will set you back 200 quid and you think maybe being calm and tranquil is overrated...

JawBreaker · Post by **JawBreaker** » Sat May 28, 2011 10:24 pm

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2mT8AzdxT48

TransFans.co.uk

When I grow up...

Re: When I grow up...