so damn depressed

bumblemusprime · Post by **bumblemusprime** » Thu Jan 13, 2011 3:02 pm

Not sure why. Went off my meds a bit over the holidays because I forgot to take them with me to the MIL's house. Back on them now, but they don't seem to help.

Everything seems pointless, gray, tired... the wife is depressed too, so we are just kind of lying around. Kids cry and scream and I'm so damn tired all the time. I keep screwing up deadlines, leaving appointments early, getting to appointments late... none of it seems to matter. I want the whole world to go away while I sleep.

I hate feeling like this. The most ****** up part is that if I don't take pills, I feel like this all the time. Why do I need to take pills to feel like myself? I exercise, I meditate, I try to eat right, although I've slacked on all those things, but I still need these stupid ******* pills to get anywhere.

Post by **Kaylee** » Thu Jan 13, 2011 3:50 pm

Have you tried keeping a mood diary?

Every day write down, from 1 - 10, how you feel. You might see some patterns in how your moods play out, and as such can make plans and allowances for them. Possibly even start attaching causes to your moods. That's a long term goal, obviously.

Have you considered Seasonal Affective Disorder?

To engage with the depression you currently face, the problem I find is that it becomes self-perpetuating. Does that sound familiar?

I find when I feel depressed, unless I work very hard to un-feel that way, it will get to the point (exactly as you describe) where I have no energy, no joy and generally feel miserable... and unfortunately I will continue to feel that way *because* I feel miserable!

It's a terrible circle.

Unfortunately all the cures I know of all rank right at the top of the 'Stuff I don't want to ever, ever, ever, ever do in this state of mind' charts:

* Go to the gym and do a serious workout
* Make plans to spend the evening with friends/socialise
* Redecorate
* Plan a holiday (this is a big trap for me, as I often get caught up in fantasies of 'escaping' and running off to start a new life)

On top of that is often I find moods to be very hard to understand. If it were a case of 'I feel angry' or 'I feel sad' it would be easy: but it's always tinged by self-loathing, jealousy, desire and other feelings which make unpicking how you actually feel (and doing something about it!) nigh on impossible.

The only solution is to sit down and analyse your mood, rather than get caught in it. Explore and try and identify what feelings you are trying to feel and then perhaps come to a better understanding of what is depressing you.

Does any of that strike any chords, or am I coming from a different line of thought?

Another consideration would be a support group to help you talk through with like-minded people. Though we're pretty close to that here, I think

Unfortunately meds are the first (and only) stop for most treatment of mental disorders. And meds only mask the symptom. That said they are better than nothing and there is no problem with taking tablets to help deal with a problem: a diabetic takes their insulin, and an HIV patient takes their antiretrovirals, so too must the depressed take their medication

Post by **snarl** » Thu Jan 13, 2011 5:18 pm

Exercise helps my mood massively. Do some of that **** man.

Diaries / journals are also good.

Talk yourself up. Remind yourself of why you're the bollocks.

Do all that stuff. I do it, it helps.

Play some xbox if you've got it. Sometimes if I'm pissed off I'll play some Gears or FIFA, just go mad at it and shout a bit. It helps.

Loud music.

Obviously if you've a wife and kids it's not always going to be possible to do all these things, but try em if you get the chance.

Go for a drive and whack on some loud music and just sing to it like a ****.

And also, something I always keep in my head:

"Relax. I respect myself too much to make this into a big drama. I've built up plenty of things in my life that I've later overcome. Everything is going to be fine, I'm going to be fine."

Or words to that effect.

bumblemusprime · Post by **bumblemusprime** » Thu Jan 13, 2011 7:52 pm

The big problem, I think, is that I have blown out my knee. I have run 3+ miles four times a week or ridden an exercise bike when I don't run for four years--just about the time it has taken for the depression to get better. I have cut back on the pills and during winter I take vitamin D and use a sun-lamp.

But I haven't exercised much in the last few weeks because EVERYTHING makes my knee ache and swell up. I don't want my knee to get worse, so I don't exercise as much. I would never go two days in a row without it before.

I've tried swimming and water gets in my ears even with heavy-duty earplugs. I'd really like an elliptical machine, but they're spendy, and a gym membership is just as bad after a while. I don't know what to do about this ******* knee. I have to get some exercise or die.

Post by **snarl** » Thu Jan 13, 2011 9:52 pm

My knee's also ******. It's a massive ball ache.

Have you had it checked?

Post by **Kaylee** » Thu Jan 13, 2011 10:28 pm

I could get some home work out tips from my friend, then no knee can hold you back

Jack Cade · Post by **Jack Cade** » Thu Jan 13, 2011 10:50 pm

The best advice I can give is to be easy on yourself and remember you'll get through it. It's OK to feel crap and to screw a few things up. You don't have to sort yourself out in any hurry. Get back onto the tablets, let them do their work and take it easy. Perma-happy people can bum off - nothing wrong with being gloomy for a while!

Yaya · Post by **Yaya** » Thu Jan 13, 2011 11:52 pm

bumblemusprime wrote:The big problem, I think, is that I have blown out my knee. I have run 3+ miles four times a week or ridden an exercise bike when I don't run for four years--just about the time it has taken for the depression to get better. I have cut back on the pills and during winter I take vitamin D and use a sun-lamp.

But I haven't exercised much in the last few weeks because EVERYTHING makes my knee ache and swell up. I don't want my knee to get worse, so I don't exercise as much. I would never go two days in a row without it before.

I've tried swimming and water gets in my ears even with heavy-duty earplugs. I'd really like an elliptical machine, but they're spendy, and a gym membership is just as bad after a while. I don't know what to do about this ******* knee. I have to get some exercise or die.

Sorry to hear about your current situation, sprunkabeemus. The same thing happens to me. I notice I'm most happy when I exercise regularly, as snarlz says. Then, when my knees flare up and I can't play tennis, I get depressed.

So I think a lot of times physical inactivity does enhance dysphoric feelings.

Add to that the dreary weather conditions we're facing now and, yeah, there's a lot of people out there feeling the same way.

Just hang in there, man. The pattern is always ups and downs. The tough thing is, when you're down, you start to think there won't be an up. You just have to remind yourself that it will come.

Get out and see a movie. If you haven't seen Tron in 3-D IMAX, tonight is the last night you can do it. The soundtrack alone will raise your spirits until your chemistry recalibrates.

Yaya · Post by **Yaya** » Fri Jan 14, 2011 2:13 am

Also, recommend checking your thyroid and testosterone levels. Many times, low levels of these present with depression only.

bumblemusprime · Post by **bumblemusprime** » Fri Jan 14, 2011 2:50 pm

TRON!

I actually ran yesterday, and the knee isn't too bad. Mildly sore. I think if I only run every few days and do something like yoga, I'll be okay.

I got a book over the holidays on how to beat depression without drugs... and left it at my mother-in-law's house.

A duh.

The main thing the book said was to stop obsessing over ****, which I do a lot when I'm depressed. It's tough not to. Enough failures in a row, and I feel like it must be proof that I'm **** at life.

Post by **snarl** » Fri Jan 14, 2011 3:10 pm

Imagine what you'd be like if you obsessed over the good stuff you've done you nonce!

Also, I used to run loads. My knees have aids, hence a recent Facebook status.

My advice: If you can, get an exercise bike.

wideload · Post by **wideload** » Fri Jan 14, 2011 5:32 pm

snarl wrote:Imagine what you'd be like if you obsessed over the good stuff you've done you nonce!

Also, I used to run loads. My knees have aids, hence a recent Facebook status.

My advice: If you can, get an exercise bike.

I second the exercise bike. My knees are horrible. Every time I try and get on a running regime, I end up with some kind of knee problem...or shin splints, etc...

The exercise bike or an elyptical trainer put far less impact on your knees since you don't get the same repetitive smashing your feet into the ground motion.

The best workouts I get are from my spin classes. If you can get in on some of those I would highly suggest it. You feel like crap during the first few classes, but after a while they start to make you feel great.

bumblemusprime · Post by **bumblemusprime** » Fri Jan 14, 2011 7:16 pm

I've got the exercise bike, but for some reason it makes the knee worse than running does. No idea why. I thought I had runner's knee for a while, where the cartilage is destroyed. I think it would make sense that the joint movement in biking would aggravate my knee.

Anyone do power yoga or anything like that? I would really love to swim, but swimmer's ear... runner's knee... don't ask me what's wrong with anything else.

Yaya · Post by **Yaya** » Fri Jan 14, 2011 7:56 pm

I favor the elliptical over the stationary bike or treadmill. Much better on the knees.

Of course, nothing beats swimming.

wideload · Post by **wideload** » Sat Jan 15, 2011 12:10 am

bumblemusprime wrote:I've got the exercise bike, but for some reason it makes the knee worse than running does. No idea why. I thought I had runner's knee for a while, where the cartilage is destroyed. I think it would make sense that the joint movement in biking would aggravate my knee.

Anyone do power yoga or anything like that? I would really love to swim, but swimmer's ear... runner's knee... don't ask me what's wrong with anything else.

Yeah even though biking is low impact, it is a repetitive motion, and will bother some more than others.

I hear you on the swimmmer's ear. I get that too. I actually have a permanent perforation in my ear drum. It prevented me from scuba diving when I went to Thailand.

saysadie · Post by **saysadie** » Sun Jan 16, 2011 1:39 am

We're all going to need bionic knees in the future, aren't we? Mine are ****** too, mostly from running I assume... I'm afraid to find out the real reasons, tbh. I just take an anti-inflammatory, occasionally ice them and suffer through it. I've been considering seeing a specialist as my team's physio guy said it sounded like I had the beginnings of arthritis in the overly-injured knee. Nonfun.

Yoga... I've just been doing it from a DVD, no idea if I'm doing it correctly or not but I think it's been helpful.

Hot Shot · Post by **Hot Shot** » Sun Jan 16, 2011 4:09 am

saysadie wrote:We're all going to need bionic knees in the future, aren't we?

You people wouldn't need bionic legs if you didn't use them so damn much.

I think MODOK has the right idea.

Post by **Best First** » Sun Jan 16, 2011 6:06 pm

bumblemusprime wrote:I've got the exercise bike, but for some reason it makes the knee worse than running does. No idea why. I thought I had runner's knee for a while, where the cartilage is destroyed. I think it would make sense that the joint movement in biking would aggravate my knee.

Anyone do power yoga or anything like that? I would really love to swim, but swimmer's ear... runner's knee... don't ask me what's wrong with anything else.

Yoga? Ah, i see you metion it above - i would recommend. Good for the joints as well. If you have an ipod touch or an iphone their are some good yoga apps.

Also if you want to reduce the impact - walk rather than jog. Walking is damn good for you.

You can also build a gym routine that doesn't put too much stress on the knee. If you have weights and a bench (or even a couple of water bottles and anything that will take your weight) you can do chest, arm and shoulder exercises while prone or seated. This doesn't have to be about beefing up - do supersets (2 exercises back to back) of 3 sets of 15 reps for each with minimal rest between sets and you are basically doing a cardio workout.

For your legs body weight squats are worth a try, obviulsy you move the knee but it's a slow action and your feet don't leave the ground so no impact.

Even without equipment - push ups, sit ups, plank, leg raises. There is plenty you can sring together to get a good sweat on without banging your knee about.

Happy to pm you some possible routines if you want.

obvioulsy on the other days it is impreative to get drunk and eat MacDonalds so you don't actually get any fitter. That's how i roll.

Take care man.

And remeber: i think you are awesome, and as i am clearly awesome, this means you must be ultra-awesome. Don't **** with logic man.

bumblemusprime · Post by **bumblemusprime** » Mon Jan 17, 2011 4:01 am

Yeah, send me the routines. I've got some small free weights, but not much time or money to schlep over to a gym, although that might have to change if Daddy needs the elliptical.

Mr_Tigg · Post by **Mr_Tigg** » Mon Jan 17, 2011 3:31 pm

Thought about taking up rowing? It doesn't put as much pressure on the knees.

I have dodgy ankles that can't even handle light running, so I usually go on the cross trainer or the rowing machine at the gym.

There are also rowing clubs you could join if the gym is not a possibility.

bumblemusprime · Post by **bumblemusprime** » Mon Feb 28, 2011 4:40 am

Twas getting better once my knee really healed up, but now I find myself in the strangely ****** situation of having a lot of work, so much that I'm usually working late into the night and on weekends and the work that I used to enjoy is just tiring me out.

I can't remember the last time I wrote anything. I can't remember the last time I wanted to. The band is a better outlet, because I get out of the house and interact with real adults, but man does it take a toll on the marriage if I do it too much. She's always been okay with it, but if I'm gone three or four times a week, with this workload, it basically means that no spare time is left for her or the kids.

I just want the work to STOP for a while, but I can't because it's a bunch of ******* part-time jobs that can drop my hours at any time. I don't want to teach three classes for two schools, but if I stay at both schools then I'm prepared if one drops my course load.

Sucks. I'm ****** if anything happen, so I have to keep piling on the work and getting crankier and more depressed and less motivated to work at all. I'm scared I'm going to freeze up and be totally unable to do anything for a while. I'll end up doing something like sitting in bed for days, sleeping and reading old TF comics. What kind of waste would do that?

Post by **snarl** » Mon Feb 28, 2011 9:41 am

Well, vent on this, as it always helps me when I've hit a situation of ****.

I actually own Paul Mckenna books. I appreciate they might not be for everybody so I wont ram em down your throat, but I find them easy to read and whenever I hit a rut I go to em and they really work for me - and I'm a biggest cynic, and literally every time I go to them I don't know why I'm bothering... so maybe they might be helpful for you too.

Seriously, I'm reading one now and it's already helping me massively. I've never stuck to it though as I usually hit a space where I think I've cracked it (I'm kind of a tit for things like this) and then stop... kind of like when people try to give up smoking, do well, think they can stop before they've finished the programme and relapse.

But oh well.

bumblemusprime · Post by **bumblemusprime** » Mon Feb 28, 2011 4:39 pm

I got this one. It looks promising, and the wife needs it to. Mrs. Bumblemus has been even more down than I have in the wake of her conscious choice to estrange herself from her dad. But of course neither of us has had time to read it.

http://www.amazon.com/Depression-Cure-6 ... 073&sr=8-1

I suppose the big bummer is that paralysis of feeling like you have too much to do and not enough time, and deciding that you just want to get away from it.