Happy xmas, mine was excellent then went rapidly ****.

Post by **snarl** » Wed Apr 13, 2011 2:52 pm

Cheers Karlito.

btw chaps, apologies if this gets boring, but it is helping me to vent here so I'll keep doing so until I've finally got it licked.

But one thing I'll say so far is that I've always stubbornly bottled stuff up, thinking it's weak to be over emotional. I think it's made me a worse person because of it.

I've sort of hit an area where I'm intermittent between feeling numb, pretty low and really missing her, desperate to speak to her to being pretty bullish and defiant and thinking it'll all sort itself out in time, whatever happens. Oddly, I've been much more helpful, open and talkative to people. I'm not saying I go round like Superman, but people have a tendency to avoid talking to or helping other people out. I'm not going up to every tom dick and harry, but on several occasions I've spontaneously started talking to people in the street, noticed stuff about them and commented, pointed out when I've thought that something bad might happen to them... done it and I don't know where it has come from.

And I've done it at times when I've felt good and when I've felt bad. And when I felt good and did it made me feel great. But when I felt bad and I did it, well one time it nearly made me cry in the persons face.

I've cried a few times. I don't care, I felt better after.

Anyway, I had been pretty good for two days but today has been a bit of a roller coaster which is a massive hassle when you're trying to work - but even more so when you have cleared off your slate and have ages to think about it.

Long term I'm not worried about it, I'm doing my research and this is all part of the grieving process - which makes it look like I've given up on ever repairing our friendship or potential anything elses (I haven't). But regardless... [composite word including 'f*ck'] me I wish it'd hurry up and get to the end!

Last point - don't keep this stuff to yourself. Talk to your closest mates, the ones that will be honest, the ones that will tell you the things that you might not necessarily be happy to hear.

Really last point, reading this back, I just want you to know I'm not (I'm pretty sure I'm not anyway) on the verge of a nervous breakdown or considering anything daft.

Post by **snarl** » Thu Apr 14, 2011 11:04 am

Met a tall dark stranger last night and we had a bit of a chinwag, which was great.

mo' [composite word including 'f*ck'] couldn't finish his chicken though.

Talk these things out chaps, it helps - tonnes.

Anyway, I sent her a message this morning and largely smoothed everything out. I think I just had to get to a stage where I was reasonably confident I wasn't going to come across as a a bitter, hate fueled, grovelling melt. I feel there or thereabouts now. So I sent her a message, it's cool.

I think over time we'll get better, but now just us being cool is something that is good.

But apparently I'm now referred to as "santa"!

Cheeky bitch.

Post by **Best First** » Thu Apr 14, 2011 11:23 am

That guy you met last night sounds awesome. And handsome.

And is going to steal your sitcom ideas and make himself a gajillionaire.

Post by **snarl** » Thu Apr 14, 2011 11:42 am

Oh, he sure was swell. He stuffed me full of meat. He did indeed eat sausage himself.

I'll send him the first episode and he can make the **** jokes funny.

My best one, IMO, was a joke about a dog with leprosy - got a passing chuckle.

Whereas others I just jotted down and put in there got good laughs.

Comedy: Subjective.