Jawbreaker talks about his goat.

[JawBreaker]

Recently I’ve found myself mercilessly transfixed by the whimsical nature of one Jeremy Kyle and now find myself under the possible self delusion that I undeniably possess an absolute understanding of the dynamic machination’s of the so called underclass of Britain; as far as I am able to grasp conceptually, it ultimately comes down to this: Makin’babies.

What I find shameful is once upon a time one could possibly argue that dear Jeremy represents a inflated extreme and any social commentary based directly off his diminutive show and the socially inept, sexually over-excitable miscreants that regularly feature would be a ludicrous premise at best, couple this with my self confessed egotism and narcissism makes any attempt to underline a current cultural ****up entirely invalid.

Once upon a time, you would have stopped reader at this point, disregarded my attempted butchery of the English language and purchased a Cornetto.

Today however I find myself more so irritable than usual and the source dear generic, possibly non-existent reader is rooted in Facebook itself.

This, to be exact: http://www.facebook.com/home.php#!/grou ... 382&ref=nf

Now naming names leaves me hypothetically mired in dangerous territory to begin with and more importantly you may well be scratching your heads wondering how exactly this connects to any of the above; well first let me elaborate on what exactly irritates, borderline infuriates me with the link.
It really is one simple point.

Perhaps, you ponder, it’s the current modern mainstream social perception of what constitutes beauty (and the fraudulence that provides the bedrock)? No, sure I honestly (personally) cannot see the attraction in fake tans, nails or breast but few understand the exuberance of dressing up as Captain birdeye and allow me to ram fish fingers in to thier sexual orifices. Live and let live.

Perhaps it’s from a technical standpoint? Does the low quality, poor lighting, well trodden and tired execution leave me cold? Again, sadly wrong as I understand that we all don’t have the expendable funds, nor the training to correctly set a lighting rig or even a high quality camera; I realise raw images can be difficult to work with and admire the choice (though again I imagine it was purely financial) to forgo any form of image editing through any naturalistic properties this gains are quickly expunged by the above, in short its hard to argue the amateur nature when it pretends to be little else.

You may well gasp but only when writing this did the realization that I could actually venture with uncertainty to the venerable cesspit that is the FHM website and have my cynicism indulged, excessively so to a revealing… ‘About me’ section!

Before hypocrite leaves your lips, I understand the difficulties that an ‘About me’ section pose’s, a death-trap for the unprepared, a good case point being my own on this very site but what we find here cannot constitute a living person with multiple dimensions; however any deleterious criticism that may escape me is quickly snuffed when I conceder that perhaps are lass in question plays a diabolically manipulative game, realizing that the word ditzy can only be seen under a positive light by anyone what subscribes to a train of thought that conceders FHM worth the paper its printed.

No, what tweaks the nipples of my proverbial goat is simply, think how long it took to take these photos, set up this jazz, I’m willing to bet an hour or so. Now think how long it takes to spell check a piece of text barely 50 words long. As far as I understand it, (regrettably) dropping letters from selected words (tangibly) speed’s up the typing process and saves space, a concern primarily reserved for mobile phone text messaging.

Now are you telling me, someone could spare that extra minute to apply a sprinkling of key letters?

Diabolical.

What does this have to do with what I started with? Oh. Uhum.
This is an awful life aspiration (!)?Iits half one in the morning, what do you want from me?

(I apologize 1/ For posting this so soon after my last rant, and 2/ That it was Facebook tailored, the lass in question is one of my old school ‘mates’, a term I can’t apply loosely enough).

[Brendocon]

I love anyone who can't spell the name of their favourite movie.

Even if they regard Katie Price as a woman.

[spiderfrommars]

I can't watch the Jeremy Kyle show for more than 30 seconds. Mainly because I can't bear to watch stupid people acting stupid. I've nothing against stupid people, but I will not watch them. (Which is why I can't watch that daily Studio 5 channel 5 programme thing either - the only thing worse than watching stupid people is watching stupid people with opinions). As for Jeremy Kyle himself - I have plenty against him. He's a total ****.

To briefly touch on the facebook lady (if only - just joking) beauty is the most prized commodity on this Earth, more than gold, a high IQ or burgers. If I had a choice I'd rather be beautiful and stupid but there you go. She'll probably have the last laugh!

[Brendocon]

She'll probably have the last laugh!

Probably through not getting the joke.

Because she's stupid.

And stupid people don't get jokes.



I have never seen the Jeremy Kyle show. Even briefly. I have a job.

[IronHide]

I'll leave the first point alone, as Im an American and have zero clue who that is, although my guess would be some kind of young doucheier version of Jerry Springer.

Now, onto Miss Lutz (not the first, definitely wont be the last. Zing.), fake tans, big boobs, eye liner and seductive underwear coupled with a bedroom photo shoot is really all it takes to grab the attention of any breathing, straight man. It appeals to the voyeuristic curiosity in us all. However, most cases leave us with the feeling of 'Meh, shes all right I suppose, certainly wouldnt kick her out of the bed'. Whether or not she is actually 'beautiful' by whatever standards you affix to the term, is something that for me, is hard to judge from her bio or photo. Hot, most certainly, but that is just the fickle part of my caveman brain that loves to see big ol breasteses.

Stupidity however, oh man, that makes the important parts of the body go non-responsive. The short hand internet text is, imho (yup, hypocrite), slowly plunging the young internet surfer into a backwards spiral of laziness and altogether lack of concern about sounding the least bit intelligent. Using numbers for words and abbreviating phrases seems to be retarding the online society one pimply faced fourteen year old at a time. Yes, I'm quite aware that we all have the "Lol, wtf, lmao, rofl, imho, etc" in our usual vernacular on this board, and I have no issue with that as the vast majority of you understand that its just internet lingo and not something to be replaced into everyday speech. Its that larger percentage that use it outside of the message boards and blogs that infuriate me to no end.

Now who's off topic with a rant?

gtg, bbl.

[bumblemusprime]

that is just the fickle part of my caveman brain that loves to see big ol breasteses

Thinking about that from an evolutionary point of view always weirds me out. "Damn, nice tits" translates somewhere within my mammalian brain stem into "ah, plentiful mammaries to nourish my offspring!"

[Brendocon]

... so where does the motorboat urge come from?

[Best First]

The need for a speedy vehicle to chase after the Vikings and get the boobys back.

[saysadie]

I thought men liked the boobies 'cause they didn't have them?

Then again, men don't have a period either and you never hear one going "Oh, you cramp up and bleed for a week straight each month. that's SO HOT."