Pr0n and significant others

sprunkner · Post by **sprunkner** » Sun May 04, 2008 4:38 pm

Let's just say this has been a bit of a, ahem, subject around my house of late.

How do you guys deal with it? I don't exactly beat myself up (mentally

) over the issue. She's out of town; I'm lonely and ahem, restless, it happens. But it definitely hurt the wife's feelings when she found out, so much so that I gave it up for over a year.

I've gotten a taste for certain stuff--despite the dehumanization and objectification in it that used to put me off--and with the lovely Internet, it's like having a 24-hour adult channel in the house at all times. "Oh honey, I won't do it again." But the mouse button says to.

[composite word including 'f*ck'] it; I'm going to go ahead and be full-bore honest. This has coincided with the craziest damn mood swings of my entire life, culminating in a suicide attempt around the middle of March. I took a ****load of my Lithium and was heavily dehydrated. Anti-climactic. So everything is going to **** anyway and the fact that the flickering screen of fake titties is an issue is one more piece of **** on the pile.

Solve my problems, Transfans.

Metal Vendetta · Post by **Metal Vendetta** » Sun May 04, 2008 6:39 pm

First off, holy **** dude, don't ever do anything like that again without talking to someone first - the world needs sprunkner in it. We love you and don't need you checking out prematurely. I'm serious, please, please don't try that again.

Okay, now for the tough part. Porn's always going to be tempting. I don't really care about the dehumanising aspects of it - after the past year I've pretty much given up treating women like people anyway, since all they do is lie to you and then blame you for it. Eh, that's probably just me though. But recently I have started seeing someone else - which is difficult when I'm out of the country six months out of seven - and it's been really good because we were friends before anything happened between us, and we're pretty open about porn, sex and everything that goes with it. To be perfectly honest I'm in a lucky position because she wouldn't mind if I slept with someone else - in fact she knows full well I have because I told her I did, and vice versa - hang on I'm rambling and not being particularly useful here.

Okay, the point I'm trying to make is that, well, we make porn for each other. I don't know if this is an option for you or not, but it's worth bringing up. If the thought of seeing a naked girl onscreen gives you the horn, imagine how much better it is when you know that girl is doing it just for you and you alone. My other half (awkward phrase, I guess she's my other quarter or something) just bought herself a new, ahem, "friend" and sent me four or five pictures of the two of them having fun together. When I first suggested the idea back in December she wasn't keen at all, and pretty reluctant, tonight I got in from seeing Iron Man to find a bunch of Skype messages saying "check your damn mail and see what you think!"

What I'm saying is that if you're going to be lonely while the other half is away why not ask her to leave something behind for you to remind you of her? You could even shoot it together - though taking pictures while engaged in interesting pursuits can be a bit difficult, it's inadvisable to ask a third party to take them for you - but if you can talk it through perhaps she'll let you take some saucy snaps of her for those difficult times when you're apart. And it works both ways - my (sort-of) girl has a bunch of pictures of "little Rob" in all sorts of adventures, and let me tell you, trying to take a picture of a cumshot (her favourite, apparently) is bloody difficult. The coordination involved between wanking hand and camera hand is incredible. But I digress.

TBH (and I never thought I'd say this) but I've started drifting away from regular porn. It's kind of lost its appeal for me. These days I'd much rather flick through my "special" folder - or if I'm lucky, catch her online in a frisky mood and indulge in a bit of Skypesex.

Alternatively talk to her and find out if porn is always such a turn-off for her that you couldn't find something you could enjoy together. sites like blissbox.com offer a whole bunch of "couple-friendly" movies and all their reviews are categorised by who's reviewing it, whether single men, women or couples. Those DVDs rated highest in their "couples" category will invariably offer something for everyone to enjoy.

I don't know, I'm not married, I don't have children and at this rate I'm unlikely to experience either (not necessarily a bad thing) so your mileage may vary but that's the best advice I can offer.

Good luck, homie.

sprunkner · Post by **sprunkner** » Sun May 04, 2008 9:39 pm

Thanks, dude. I've brought some of that stuff up before and maybe when the dust settles from my latest misadventures I could again.

Uh yeah, most people were pretty freaked out. I'm on mood stabilizers now, seems to be taking all the romance out of suicide.

Predabot · Post by **Predabot** » Sun May 04, 2008 10:44 pm

I.. saw your post earlier tonight..

I thought about posting something, but I refrained because I got the notion that I very well would have simply made everything worse.

I figured soon MV or Karl would show up and could supply you with some TRULY helpful advice and sound words.

Alas, one of them did.

And it was smashing words, well done MV, sir.

Sprunkner, I can only fall in line with MV when I say that no-one on this site wants you to do something like that again, and I don't think anyone around you wants you to do that either.

Be well, mate. Be well.

Post by **Best First** » Tue May 06, 2008 4:05 pm

Jeez mate. These words

don't ever do anything like that again without talking to someone first - the world needs sprunkner in it. We love you and don't need you checking out prematurely. I'm serious, please, please don't try that again.

are important. and true. and worth printing out and rereading.

As you have kind of pointed out talking about on screen screwing in the context of this revelation seems a bit banal.

But that's fine, on with the pr0n chat:

Altho i am not sure how much i can help - basically my ex hated it and took it really personally, whereas the girl i am seeing now loves it and buys me it for my birthday. As near as i can tella lot of it is down to how comfortble the person is with themself - the less so the more they feel threatened by you looking at images of other people and, in my experience, sexual fantasy in geenral.

So, in short i guess the trick seems to be, where you have to, of finding a way of doing it that is 'non-threatening'. Frankly i suspect there are some wimmins who this is impossible with, but others who just need to step away from their "p0rn is bad mmkay" stance as... lets face it, everyone likes f***ing. Rob's suggestion of making whatever you use to jack off too more personal would maybe help on this front - whatever it is it sounds like it needs to be a) softly softly spankee monkey and b) you need to take into account what works for her as well.

Also lets be honest the fact you are being told not to and feeling a bit low probably makes it quite compelling which is a something that needs acknowledging i think.

Finally - some of my mates just hide it. Not ideal i suspect but there you go.

Not sure how useful any of that is - my experiences are obvioulsy discated by my own experiences and they are wildly different from one girl to another - but take care, good luck and don't snap your banjo.

Love you man

BF

Metal Vendetta · Post by **Metal Vendetta** » Tue May 06, 2008 7:26 pm

These words

Best First wrote:don't snap your banjo.

are also important. and true. and worth printing out and rereading.

Post by **Denyer** » Tue May 06, 2008 9:11 pm

The relationship advice, which basically amounts to avoiding people who think porn is bad (though Rob's advice sounds good if others are agreeable -- just whatever you do don't keep it anywhere the repair geeks in your local PC shop would be able to get at it) isn't very helpful, so...

Practical stuff: reasonably large flash drive, portable browser, possibly encryption, and wholesome non-fake amateur (well, pro-produced/edited amateur) material from the land of Oz -- AW, ISM, IFM, BA, etc.

AbbyWinters has a bit of m/f couple material in the back catalogue, if you're looking for something genuine that might appeal to two.

Post by **spiderfrommars** » Wed May 07, 2008 12:04 am

I've never been upfront about using pr0n with any significant other.

In some cases probably a bit of a missed opportunity. I've know some filthy girls.

Sprunk.... don't ever stop posting bud.

sprunkner · Post by **sprunkner** » Wed May 07, 2008 3:59 am

thanx kids. i like you.

sprunkner · Post by **sprunkner** » Mon May 19, 2008 2:14 pm

I thought I might post a little more of the story.

This year I started having insane-crazy mood swings. I've been depressed for a long time, and last year I finally broke down and went on Prozac. It worked great--until I totally overworked myself fall quarter when I started iin on my Master's.

I'm not sure what's going on. I feel down almost all the time, and less than ever do I see a reason for it. (That sentence makes sense in Arabic grammar, I'm sure.) I'm on four different medications--Lamictal, Prozac, Risperdal and lithium--and I'm still swinging all over the place and going crazy over little things--like pr0n.

It's getting to the point where I'm wondering if I should drop out of school. There are some fat tests in the fall, which means I need to work really hard through the summer despite having no money. I'm not sure if it's the pressure doing this--because the mood swings started during a quarter with a relatively light workload. All I know is that I'm going crazy.

Obfleur · Post by **Obfleur** » Mon May 19, 2008 3:09 pm

There's people here who'll probably give better advice than me, but dude, you need to take care of yourself.
You are the most important thing you have in your live and you should see to it that you are happy and well.

Post by **Best First** » Tue May 27, 2008 12:59 pm

Whew - back from hols.

Dude - what kind of treatment/advice on treatment are you getting? Are you seeing anyone for councelling etc?

Cos it sounds like you could do with a regular touch point of some kind.

Take care man.

sprunkner · Post by **sprunkner** » Tue May 27, 2008 8:01 pm

Thanks mate. I am in counseling but perhaps in need of some life destressing--not sure anymore if I can handle some of the more oppressive aspects of graduate school.

Some of it is probably my own fault--trying to work and be in a band and be a grad student and give Transfans all the love it deserves--actually, the last one isn't hard, since Transfans is so damn sexy.

Quite honestly, though, I'm worried that if i destressed and quit doing some stuff I would go even crazier. A lot of the most depressed times in my life have been when I don't have a lot to do to distract me from a major downward plunge. I feel kind of stuck.

Post by **Best First** » Wed May 28, 2008 8:21 am

bit of a random one but are you getting much exercise? Sounds like you are fitting so much in that it could be very wearing - i agree that life is best when you are occupied but you also need to make sure those actvities have some balance to them.

Or to put it another way training and weights reallyhelped me sort my head out over the last few years.

Just my experience of course - but maybe keep doing the same amount of stuff, but make some of that stuff actively destressing, if that makes any sense.

Take care man. Love ya.

Metal Vendetta · Post by **Metal Vendetta** » Wed May 28, 2008 2:37 pm

To balance things out - when I was at uni I went through a similar period. I was prescribed Seroxat and had to atten counselling sessions twice a week - and I was trying to hold down my course, my band, my girlfriend (Danish underwear model, children's television presenter and nymphomaniac) and the rest of my life...in the end I dumped the Seroxat and relied on alcohol and marijuana to get me through it. I wouldn't recommend the booze (through careful study - I'm now trapped in a country where booze is freely available but marijuana is punishable by death and it's a ****ing nightmare) but I definitely would recommend the other. Keep the band, keep the studies, look after your wife and family, but take the time out every so often to chill with a relaxing spliff or bowl, whatever's your poison.

Just my advice.

sprunkner · Post by **sprunkner** » Thu May 29, 2008 5:46 pm

Danish underwear model and nymphomaniac? So why exactly did you let that one get away?

I have been exercising, though it is hard to fit in. When I can't run I walk or ride my bike to school. It helps a bit. I think I've finally made some plans to downsize my life, so we'll see. Although I'm committed to jam with a couple of other bands soon... dumb.

will post more when not so tired.