The birds and bees

sprunkner · Post by **sprunkner** » Thu Jun 21, 2007 1:00 am

So, when I was around six or so, my pops, a respectable psychotherapist, decided it was time for my sisters and I to learn the facts of life. Being a psychotherapist and having some expertise in how to make people face odd facts, he decided to tell us to our faces. Then he chickened out and got a cartoon on the subject from the library.

After the big reveal (tab A! slot B! Who knew?) the cartoon tried to detail the onerous process of sperm swimming through the uterus into the fallopian tubes. To better communicate this to kids, they showed an Olympic-sized swimming pool with the egg standing at the edge, waiting excitedly for a sperm to finish his swim.

Now imagine the voice-over as it says, "Many of the sperm get tired and stop swimming." So now we see the sperm in the Olympic-sized swimming pool start to flag and fall into the water. This was somewhat disturbing as a child.

Then a ******* SHARK FIN moves through the sperm, right up to the edge of the pool. It was black and finny and all that... and it turns out it's the rim of a top hat. A sperm jumps out in a tux and top hat, gives the egg flowers, and they start dancing.

How did you find out?

Professor Smooth · Post by **Professor Smooth** » Thu Jun 21, 2007 1:31 am

I liked science and did a lot of reading as a kid. By the time my parents decided it was time to tell me, I had known for years.

Hot Shot · Post by **Hot Shot** » Thu Jun 21, 2007 1:44 am

My parents never told me. I learned from good old filthy tv, health class, and my confiscated friend Penthouse.

KingMob · Post by **KingMob** » Thu Jun 21, 2007 7:08 am

Read a medical handbook I thieved out the library.

Ended up recanting what I had learned to several curious people in my primary school class, eventually got busted when me and a mate got caught up in one of these discussions when at a swimming lesson and a moment of silence allowed the teacher to hear me going on about something considered blasphemous, probably cocks and willies, I can't actually remember. I do recall being sent to the headmistress for a telling off, and I was then watched for further signs of deviancy. It got dragged up again some time later, when I got caught swearing my ******* head off at another kid.

It's pretty weird having a strident catholic headmistress whom you now know is probably going through a thing called menopause lecturing you on how gaining and sharing knowledge of the body is immoral behaviour. It came from a science book! From a library! I learned stuff! Girls dig me! What's your problem, old crone woman?!

Post by **Best First** » Thu Jun 21, 2007 9:26 am

shy is dry and unloved.

i think i just kind of pieced it together aftre getting funny feelings in my tummy looking at underwear sections in mail order catalogues.

Ha! i enjoyed typing that...

Then they showed us a video in our last year at primary school.

Then another one in our first year at secondary, which was mainly notable for the 60's haircuts and the fact that the cool kid who all the girls fancied fainted, which was genius.

Then my Dad tried to have an awkward conversation with me involving words like "insert", but i let him off telling him we had covered it at school.

Then i didn't get laid for ****ing ages anyway. Damnit.

Post by **spiderfrommars** » Thu Jun 21, 2007 9:34 am

Caught a programme about it on daytime telly when I was off sick at 7. Was completely confused.

In the meantime there was a girl across the street who did her best to give me a practical demonstration of what it was all about. More confusion.

Sex wasn't spoke about in the home, and I wasn't officially educated in school till first year of secondary. Way too late.

I plan on answering my children's questions as they ask them, whatever the age.

Impactor returns 2.0 · Post by **Impactor returns 2.0** » Thu Jun 21, 2007 9:37 am

I think I just worked it out to be honest - I too used to look at the underwear section of shopping cats. u can work out the rest.

either way, by the first year of high school we were playing spin the bottle behind the bike sheds, the rest is history.

i think kids have most of it sussed out early on, they should be given sex education the subject tho.

Eline · Post by **Eline** » Thu Jun 21, 2007 10:47 am

We had education in school when I was 11 (and more detailed when I was 14), but I cannot remember my parents ever telling me.

I did learn eventually that there is a big difference between theory, pr0n and real life experiences.

Batman · Post by **Batman** » Thu Jun 21, 2007 10:52 am

I invented it.

_Derek_ · Post by **_Derek_** » Thu Jun 21, 2007 11:15 am

kinda figured it out through trial and error, my father doesn't enjoy talking about that kinda thing at all, my mother tried to get round to it, but I stopped that as soon as she hinted at the subject.

Post by **Best First** » Thu Jun 21, 2007 11:16 am

Eline wrote:
I did learn eventually that there is a big difference between...pr0n and real life experiences.

depends on your cd collection...

Legion · Post by **Legion** » Thu Jun 21, 2007 11:35 am

i think my parents might have left it a bit late, by the time my dad got around to it, i'd already worked it out...
the rest, as they say, is history.

Shanti418 · Post by **Shanti418** » Thu Jun 21, 2007 4:52 pm

I'm not exactly sure when I learned it, but it most likely was from friends, porn, and school. My parents never broached the subject of sex itself, although God knows I heard them going at it enough times to be scarred for life.

I DO remember before I knew anything about anything regarding sex, I knew that boys have penises, but I had no IDEA what was going on down there for girls. My hypothesis was that a girl's...ummm....anus was like some sort of Swiss Army Knife orifice that took care of all excretory and reproductive functions.

The Last Autobot · Post by **The Last Autobot** » Thu Jun 21, 2007 6:46 pm

I remember I learned in school + friends.

Shanti418 wrote: My hypothesis was that a girl's...ummm....anus was like some sort of Swiss Army Knife orifice that took care of all excretory and reproductive functions.

A girl I know is actually something like that

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Thu Jun 21, 2007 9:55 pm

The Last Autobot wrote:
Shanti418 wrote: My hypothesis was that a girl's...ummm....anus was like some sort of Swiss Army Knife orifice that took care of all excretory and reproductive functions.
A girl I know is actually something like that

Hmm. That's extremely rare in humans, quite uncommon in pigs.

OMG! Hats off to the snails!

saysadie · Post by **saysadie** » Thu Jun 21, 2007 11:55 pm

I had it well figured out by the time my parents told me. I also had it well figured out by the time the school saw fit to educate us.

Metal Vendetta · Post by **Metal Vendetta** » Thu Jun 28, 2007 7:10 am

The bees are mysteriously dying and without them we won't be able to grow enough crops to feed ourselves. The birds are also dying of a deadly disease that could wipe out the human race.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Thu Jun 28, 2007 9:20 pm

Guess it's probably a bad time to be a flier.