So, I think my door's, like, self aware or something now...

Brendocon · Post by **Brendocon** » Mon Oct 16, 2006 8:09 pm

I was watching ep 3 of Teh Galactica, when I hear a knock-knock-knocking at mah front door.

So, agitated, annoyed and ready to unload on whoever, I go downstairs... but the lock won't un. I spend a good minute trying to unlock the damn thing, but it just won't budge.

So I lean down and flip open the letterbox, hoping to see who it is.

I'm greeted with two middle-aged gents, smiling at my predicament. They say they're going round a few of the houses, but as I'm having a bit of trouble, they won't bother me and will just give me a leaflet. I take it and bid them adieu.

What does the leaflet say?

"THE END OF FALSE RELIGION IS NEAR!"

A lovely four page essay on the evils of immoral teachings by "religions" that aren't Christianity.

Of course, by the time I realise this, they're long gone and I can't even unlock my door to be able to screw it into a ball and chuck it at the berks.

I reckon my door just saved some self-righteous busybody godbotherers from my Galactica-interruptus wrath.

That's hardly fair, is it?

Aaron Hong · Post by **Aaron Hong** » Tue Oct 17, 2006 5:25 am

You're sure those buggers didn't do something to your door now?

Post by **Best First** » Tue Oct 17, 2006 8:56 am

i'd say that's idisputable proof that God exists.

oh, hang on, Bouncelot would say that's idisputable proof that God exists.

i'd say that's a waste of paper.

Metal Vendetta · Post by **Metal Vendetta** » Tue Oct 17, 2006 10:45 am

I had JWs round the other day. I gave them the full Dawkins but didn't rip into them as much as I wanted to because they were two little old ladies who probably didn't deserve it. Spent most of the time comparing Bible quotes with me pointing out that God is really a nasty and vindictive character...JWs actually believe that the whole book is literally true so there's hours of fun there, particularly when they've totally misinterpreted what the verse says:

Me: "What about human sacrifice?"
Them: "God doesn't ask for human sacrifice."
Me: "What about Jepthah's daughter?"
Them: "She wasn't sacrificed."
Me: "Er...yes she was. It says right here that he 'did as he had vowed' and on this page he vowed to sacrifice her to God."
Them: "No he didn't, he vowed to make her a burnt offering."
Me: "That's what a sacrifice is."
Them: "But here it says that the young women went out and commemorated her."
Me: "..."

Honestly, it was like Monty Python, with me pointing out the passages and them denying that's what they said. And they are supposed to believe in the Bible, I'm not.

Oh, and then they left me a leaflet on Intelligent Design. ****'s sake.

Brendocon · Post by **Brendocon** » Tue Oct 17, 2006 11:38 am

Metal Vendetta wrote: Them: "No he didn't, he vowed to make her a burnt offering."
Me: "That's what a sacrifice is."
Them: "But here it says that the young women went out and commemorated her."
Me: "..."

I really wish I'd been able to talk to the muppets. Apparantly all the evils of the world are attributable to "false religion." And apparantly what makes them false is that they aren't literal interpretations of the Bible.

Oh, the fun I could have had. "How about defining false religion as not being a literal interpretation of the Koran?" or "how can you put stock in a literal interpretation of something that's a translation?" - the latter argument is my favourite whenever people try and bring exact quotes and semantics into it... I mean anybody with a basic grounding in the study of history should realise that the Bible wouldn't even cut it as tertiary evidence...

But no, my door decided to intervene and save them. Boo!

sprunkner · Post by **sprunkner** » Wed Oct 18, 2006 3:00 am

He he he... I used to go door-to-door.

Most Mormons make a point not to argue about the Bible, at least, since the whole point of Mormonism is the other three books that aren't the Bible. But Mormons screw it up by having most of their missionaries be sheltered 19-year old guys. Someone says something and they're like, "What, fool? You think you know?" One missionary I knew (who also, not coincidentally, had Tourette's syndrome) got so angry that after the guy closed the door he called on God to strike the house with a plague-- at the top of his lungs. God did not follow through.

Post by **Best First** » Wed Oct 18, 2006 8:15 am

that's not quite turning the other cheek, is it?

Brendocon · Post by **Brendocon** » Wed Oct 18, 2006 8:51 am

Best First wrote:that's not quite turning the other cheek, is it?

Depends which set of cheeks we're talking about.

Post by **Best First** » Wed Oct 18, 2006 10:33 am

damn ambiguous translations.

maybe we should start an offshot, seventh day advent moonists.

Legion · Post by **Legion** » Wed Oct 18, 2006 10:54 am

Best First wrote:damn ambiguous translations.

maybe we should start an offshot, seventh day advent moonists.

i'm already part of the seventh day advent hoopists.
Every sunday, we Hula Hoop...

Aaron Hong · Post by **Aaron Hong** » Wed Oct 18, 2006 10:58 am

Best First wrote:damn ambiguous translations.

maybe we should start an offshot, seventh day advent moonists.

Seventh fantasy advent children?

Brendocon · Post by **Brendocon** » Wed Oct 18, 2006 11:24 am

Best First wrote:maybe we should start an offshot, seventh day advent moonists.

Every seventh day, we visit The Moonies.

I'm already a seventh day advent boozehound. Sadly the alcohol makes it hard to keep track of the days... I frequently lose track, so drink regularly just to be on the safe side.

Metal Vendetta · Post by **Metal Vendetta** » Wed Oct 18, 2006 12:16 pm

Brendocon wrote:I'm already a seventh day advent boozehound. Sadly the alcohol makes it hard to keep track of the days... I frequently lose track, so drink regularly just to be on the safe side.

I saw one of my friends last night and she's started dating a Christian - he bought he a bottle of wine with a quote from Ben Franklin on the back saying how God loves us so much he gave us wine...I pointed out that God didn't give us wine, a lengthy agricultural process invented by people gave us wine. She then gave me back my copy of The God Delusion, saying that it was too scientific and intelligent for her to read.

She'd managed the first six pages.

Pissin' Poonani · Post by **Pissin' Poonani** » Wed Oct 18, 2006 12:20 pm

Bill Hicks wrote:Now don't get me wrong. Some Christians are fun. Take the Pope for instance - why, he's a downright hoot! I could watch him for hours bouncing around in his little POPE MOBILE, surrounded by three feet of bazooka-proof plexiglass that I guess we're supposed to believe was forged in Heaven by the angel Gabriel to protect the Pope from Satan's Assassins. Now, there's FAITH IN ACTION!
No, I'm speaking more specifically about right-wing, fundamentalist Christians - those who believe the Bible is the 'literal word of God'. These are the folks that frighten me, being as they are, in the equivalent of spiritual kindergarten, while also holding positions in the highest levels of the US Government. (Ronald Reagan, George Bush, Jimmy Carter, and Bill Clinton come to mind, just off the top of my head.)
How can the Bible be the ‘exact and literal word of God’, when in the first four chapters alone God is already stumbling about and placing his claim of omniscience in a very suspicious light? In chapter two of Genesis, we read that ‘God formed man out of dust from the ground’ and this man’s name was Adam. Also in chapter two, we’re told that ‘God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man then took one of his ribs and fashioned a woman from the rib’, and this woman’s name was Eve. (Now remember, I’m not questioning the miraculous power of God, only the claim by fundamentalists that the Bible is ‘the exact and literal word of God.’) In chapter three, we learn of Adam and Eve’s fall of grace from EDEN. Now, in chapter four, Adam and Eve have ‘relations’ and Eve gives birth to a son – Cain. Next she gives birth to Cain’s brother Abel. Cain kills his brother Abel and Cain then ‘went out from the presence of the Lord, and settled in the Land of Nod, east of Eden.’ Then, in the next verse we’re told ‘and Cain had relations with his wife…’ Whoa! Hold on here. His wife? Where the hell did she come from? How does this work? You see, the Bible may be the ‘literal word of God’, but apparently it’s not the ‘complete works of God’. (That’ll be out this Christmas along with the Led Zeppelin 16-disc box set.)
When posed with these obvious questions of voracity, fundamentalists will then start backpedaling and offering up their pseudo-intellectual philosophies to ‘fill in the gaps’ so to speak of God’s ‘exact and literal word’. (You won’t find people more presumptuous than Christians.) They’ll say that Adam and Eve had other children besides Cain and Abel, daughters, who aren’t mentioned in the Bible. Already we’re open to interpretation, and assumption, and, I might add, if it’s true – INCEST! You would think the ‘exact and literal word of God’ would be clearer and more understandable and not so open to anyone and everyone’s assumptions and interpretations which have kept even fellow Christians at each other’s throats, not to mention the vast chain of guilt, shame, condemnation, and religious persecution they’ve imposed upon others since the Prince of Peace was first born.
As for me, I believe that God is Love, and that he created us, and that we are his beloved children. I believe his love is unconditional, and that there’s nothing we could do to ever change that. I believe it is our own misperceptions of who we really are that leads us to every self-created hell you’ll find in this world. I also believe forgiveness is the key to healing our perceptions and allowing us to remember God and his everlasting love for us.
Whatever other dogma or rhetoric you want to add to that simple belief is your business I guess. Or however you wish to interpret it. Like gun control and fundamentalism – these are the nature of the problems that arise in a country of people who are seventy percent functionally illiterate. I just pray you’ll let my own form of practice be my business and keep your little fearful hands off the weapons for a while. I for one am going to take what Terence McKenna refers to as an ‘heroic dose’ of psyclobin ‘MAGIC’ mushrooms with my friends and head for the woods, where the word of God can be heard quite effortlessly and quite clear without the ‘thee’s and thou’s.’ Hopefully, just before we leave, we’ll catch a shot of the Pope bouncing around in his little Pope Mobile on the news. That’ll give us something to giggle about for the first forty minutes before God starts speaking and we hush in silent reverie, and bask in his neverending, holy love.

Quoted from ‘Love all the people’

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Oct 18, 2006 3:36 pm

Legion wrote:
Best First wrote:damn ambiguous translations.

maybe we should start an offshot, seventh day advent moonists.
i'm already part of the seventh day advent hoopists.
Every sunday, we Hula Hoop...

Faith, hoop and charity.

I could've sworn it was hop, though.

Post by **Best First** » Wed Oct 18, 2006 3:48 pm

mmm, good quotage...

Legion · Post by **Legion** » Wed Oct 18, 2006 4:27 pm

Rebis wrote:
Legion wrote:
Best First wrote:damn ambiguous translations.

maybe we should start an offshot, seventh day advent moonists.
i'm already part of the seventh day advent hoopists.
Every sunday, we Hula Hoop...
Faith, hoop and charity.

I could've sworn it was hop, though.

nah, that could get dangerous when serving dinner...

sprunkner · Post by **sprunkner** » Thu Oct 19, 2006 3:02 am

Best First wrote:that's not quite turning the other cheek, is it?

That **** is overrated. Bring on the whores.