If/when you have kids [or if you already have 'em], will you/do you spank them?
I probably will. I was thinking on it and having been spanked as a kid and knowing that it did me no psychological damage to have my ass swatted when I was doing wrong, I know I'll probably do the same.
It was rare for me though... once you know [or think] you're gonna get swatted for something you take great pains not to get caug- er, get in trouble.
It'll probably be just as rare for me when [or if] I have kids. I never had to swat my nieces when I was looking after them... rarely had to punish them actually. Guess I was lucky... giving a spanking is the kind of thing one would reserve for serious things, I'd think.
I was watching Supernanny earlier [it was on when I flicked the tv on] and I got caught up in it. I couldn't get over the fact that these parents that were on there didn't just smack their kids in the butts and send them to their rooms for a few minutes.
I mean, come on. Not disciplining and letting your five year old have enough power over you to feel that kicking and punching you in the face [to the point of drawing blood, even] is appropriate and normal behaviour when angry is rediculous. Not to mention harmful to you and the young'un. The adult has to be the boss.
"Oh, it breaks my heart to discipline him, he's my little baby..." it'll break your heart more later on in life when an uncontrollable physical temper lands your brat in jail or worse, lady...
Spanking kids vs not spanking kids
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Best First
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saysadie
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A swat in the butt? A physical beating I could understand[snarlosBest First wrote:I think it ****s em up a bit to be honest.
], but a swat or two in the butt is nothing. Unless you're a kid, of course, when it's a big big thing. And doing something that scares your parents enough to give you a swatting... That, yes.In the [extreme] exmple above, I think it'd be justified. I wouldn't spank a kid for little things, and only after repeated warnings if those warnings don't work.
This I agree with. Look for alternatives first.Best First wrote:there are plenty of other ways to punish.
...Best First wrote:Oh, but if they talk during the film - knee capping.
*note to self: never let BF babysit*
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Obfleur
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I had a messy childhood (no details'll be told here though). I grew up mostly with my mother, and as far as I can remember I was a calm kid. I never argued and **** like that. I just played with my toys, played with my mates and watched cartoons.
I did have a couple of fallouts with my mother though - and I think that's because I didn't (and don't) respect her.
I really can't remember that my mother ever played with me. She just gave me a bunch of toys to keep me company.
She would also do things like say "No icecream for you!" but later she would feel guilty and give me icecream anyway.
So I knew that if I wanted to, I could get whatever I wanted.
If it wasn't for my father I probably would've been a kid that saysadie would beat to death with a hammer: a spoiled piece of **** that screamed and was a pain in the ass.
When I met my father (a couple of times a year, until I was twelve ) he would always be involved in whatever I was doing.
We built a gigantic "small electric train city" (don't know what it's called
) together. The city was built on a big wooden device so that you could hide it whenever you weren't gonna play with it (like those beds that you hide in a closet 
).
We also built a big race car track (those small electric race cars that you don't steer. The only thing you control is their speed).
We built Lego together.
My father is a very skilled carpenter so when he was renovating my grandparents house, or his sisters house, etc. he always asked if I wanted to help him. So this way I got involved in what he was doing. And I thought it was awesome helping him - I felt real important when I got the difficult task of fetching the hammer, or holding the nails
(when I grew older, the tasks grew more difficult).
And we have been buying every new EA Sports NHL-game since 1994! We create ourselfs in the game, pick a team (I've been Rangers since -94) and play away. We also keep track of how many goals we have scored, assists we've made, etc.
When I moved in with him I was twelve years old - he then started asking me if I wanted to join him to BBQ's and other festivities.
Naturally I said yes. I saw him (And his girlfriend) drink beer, drinks and whatnot together with his friends.
He also asked if I wanted to taste his beer - naturally I said yes (we're talking about a zip here. Not a whole can/bottle).
The older I got, the more zips I got.
When I hit thirteen my father said "Dude, you're a teenager now. You are gonna drink, party, smoke, etc. I don't wan't you drinking some crappy "moon shine" though. So if you are going to a party, just tell me and I'll give you beer. We'll start with three beers. When you know you can handle three beers, I'll give you four".
This way my father avoived me drinking crap booze. He also avoided me having to steal beer from him.
He also said "And don't steal hard liquor from me", and gave me a look that said "I will ******* kill you if I find out that you've been stealing hard liquor".
When I went to my first party that involved just teenagers (I can't remember how old I was, but I think I was fourteen) everybody was drinking like nuts. Of course they drank too much and puked, disappeared and acted like god damn idiots (well, teenagers).
I on the other hand looked at the spectacle and thought "Holy ****. This isn't the way it's supposed to be" and thought about all the "grown up parties" I've been at with my father (of course grown ups can act like idiots to. But the grown up party was a social event involving drinking and fun. The teenager party was all about getting madly drunk as fast as possible).
Oh, and everybody at the party had these bottles that they had filled with everything. You know, taking a little bit of daddys vodka, a little bit of Jägermeister, a little bit of Martini, etc.
I still went to all of the partys - but I never got as madly drunk as the others. I drank my cold beers (that hadn't been hidden in my closet, underneath my underwear so that mommy and daddy wouldn't find them), talked to people, and generally had a nice time.
Some may argue that I'm missing out. That "getting drunk and skanky when you are fourteen" is part of growing up - but I prefer it my way.
My father also took out a cigaret once and said "Would you like to light it up for me?"
I did. It was awful. And my father said "Good. Now you know how awful it is. If you ever start smoking, that's your choice. But don't steal ciggis from me".
I again received the death stare.
And I never once smoked at a party.
I have never been in an argument with my father.
He has always talked to me about things, and he has always treated me with respect.
He understood that I was growing up, and so he started treating me like a "young adult".
We always talked about what time I was supposed to be home.
He even asked me when I wanted to be home. And I knew that if I said "oh lolzor three in teh morning!" he would just laugh and say no. So I always said something sensible like "Well, eleven o'clock?" and everything was fine.
Okey, the kids on nanny shows aren't teenagers - but from day one my father was both my father, and my friend. And because he was big and had a moustache he became a human being I respected, and a role model. And since he was a polite, nice and kind guy, I too became a polite, nice and kind guy.
However, if he hadn't "showed me the way" I think I would've been an awful kid. And I can't tell if a spanking would've worked or not.
I have a little sister as well - we have different fathers though.
Her father ran away, and so my sister grew up with only my mother.
And she has turned out terrible. She treats our mother like crap (which is our mothers fault).
But when my sister is with me, she's as cool as ice! She helps out with the dishes, is helpful and polite.
So I prefer Respect over Spanking.
Sorry for the long story. I'm bored at work and I love talking about my father (read: myself)
I did have a couple of fallouts with my mother though - and I think that's because I didn't (and don't) respect her.
I really can't remember that my mother ever played with me. She just gave me a bunch of toys to keep me company.
She would also do things like say "No icecream for you!" but later she would feel guilty and give me icecream anyway.
So I knew that if I wanted to, I could get whatever I wanted.
If it wasn't for my father I probably would've been a kid that saysadie would beat to death with a hammer: a spoiled piece of **** that screamed and was a pain in the ass.
When I met my father (a couple of times a year, until I was twelve ) he would always be involved in whatever I was doing.
We built a gigantic "small electric train city" (don't know what it's called
) together. The city was built on a big wooden device so that you could hide it whenever you weren't gonna play with it (like those beds that you hide in a closet ).We also built a big race car track (those small electric race cars that you don't steer. The only thing you control is their speed).
We built Lego together.
My father is a very skilled carpenter so when he was renovating my grandparents house, or his sisters house, etc. he always asked if I wanted to help him. So this way I got involved in what he was doing. And I thought it was awesome helping him - I felt real important when I got the difficult task of fetching the hammer, or holding the nails
(when I grew older, the tasks grew more difficult).And we have been buying every new EA Sports NHL-game since 1994!
We create ourselfs in the game, pick a team (I've been Rangers since -94) and play away. We also keep track of how many goals we have scored, assists we've made, etc.When I moved in with him I was twelve years old - he then started asking me if I wanted to join him to BBQ's and other festivities.
Naturally I said yes. I saw him (And his girlfriend) drink beer, drinks and whatnot together with his friends.
He also asked if I wanted to taste his beer - naturally I said yes (we're talking about a zip here. Not a whole can/bottle).
The older I got, the more zips I got.
When I hit thirteen my father said "Dude, you're a teenager now. You are gonna drink, party, smoke, etc. I don't wan't you drinking some crappy "moon shine" though. So if you are going to a party, just tell me and I'll give you beer. We'll start with three beers. When you know you can handle three beers, I'll give you four".
This way my father avoived me drinking crap booze. He also avoided me having to steal beer from him.
He also said "And don't steal hard liquor from me", and gave me a look that said "I will ******* kill you if I find out that you've been stealing hard liquor".
When I went to my first party that involved just teenagers (I can't remember how old I was, but I think I was fourteen) everybody was drinking like nuts. Of course they drank too much and puked, disappeared and acted like god damn idiots (well, teenagers).
I on the other hand looked at the spectacle and thought "Holy ****. This isn't the way it's supposed to be" and thought about all the "grown up parties" I've been at with my father (of course grown ups can act like idiots to. But the grown up party was a social event involving drinking and fun. The teenager party was all about getting madly drunk as fast as possible).
Oh, and everybody at the party had these bottles that they had filled with everything. You know, taking a little bit of daddys vodka, a little bit of Jägermeister, a little bit of Martini, etc.
I still went to all of the partys - but I never got as madly drunk as the others. I drank my cold beers (that hadn't been hidden in my closet, underneath my underwear so that mommy and daddy wouldn't find them), talked to people, and generally had a nice time.
Some may argue that I'm missing out. That "getting drunk and skanky when you are fourteen" is part of growing up - but I prefer it my way.
My father also took out a cigaret once and said "Would you like to light it up for me?"
I did. It was awful. And my father said "Good. Now you know how awful it is. If you ever start smoking, that's your choice. But don't steal ciggis from me".
I again received the death stare.
And I never once smoked at a party.
I have never been in an argument with my father.
He has always talked to me about things, and he has always treated me with respect.
He understood that I was growing up, and so he started treating me like a "young adult".
We always talked about what time I was supposed to be home.
He even asked me when I wanted to be home. And I knew that if I said "oh lolzor three in teh morning!" he would just laugh and say no. So I always said something sensible like "Well, eleven o'clock?" and everything was fine.
Okey, the kids on nanny shows aren't teenagers - but from day one my father was both my father, and my friend. And because he was big and had a moustache he became a human being I respected, and a role model. And since he was a polite, nice and kind guy, I too became a polite, nice and kind guy.
However, if he hadn't "showed me the way" I think I would've been an awful kid. And I can't tell if a spanking would've worked or not.
I have a little sister as well - we have different fathers though.
Her father ran away, and so my sister grew up with only my mother.
And she has turned out terrible. She treats our mother like crap (which is our mothers fault).
But when my sister is with me, she's as cool as ice! She helps out with the dishes, is helpful and polite.
So I prefer Respect over Spanking.
Sorry for the long story. I'm bored at work and I love talking about my father (read: myself)
Can't believe I'm still here.
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Best First
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saysadie
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That was a cool story, Ob. 
And you turned out alright... we wuv the Ob.
I wouldn't beat a kid to death with a hammer, however.
My childhood was... well, the bright moments were bright. I wandered away a lot, and usually wasn't missed at first because my mother had all of my younger brothers to worry about. But imo it wasn't a problem. We lived in a rural area so most of my time was spent peacefully playing in the woods/sandpile. My parents and I had a healthy relationship at that time, even with the occasional paddling. It wasn't until after, when I became coddled and over-protected that things started to go pearshaped and I think that's what messes a person up. A lot of **** stems from it.
I think a lot of it was them trying to make up for not having watched me closer as a tyke. But it took a lot of sorting out afterwards, I spent years fighting with and against them, my mother especially.
The thing with a spanking is understanding. And I also prefer respect over spanking... I just don't think that it's completely the wrong thing, in some situations. It's not like I'm going to whale on a kid for spilling milk on the carpet.
And you can have respect and spanking. Nothing is black and white.
I don't know how else to explain it really... There's a fine line between abuse and punishment in this, that I know. But I also know that it depends on the person [or rather, a person's reasoning and judgement], and I will never be the type of person to do anything that I think will be detrimental to the development of any children I may have.
And you turned out alright... we wuv the Ob.I wouldn't beat a kid to death with a hammer, however.
My childhood was... well, the bright moments were bright. I wandered away a lot, and usually wasn't missed at first because my mother had all of my younger brothers to worry about. But imo it wasn't a problem. We lived in a rural area so most of my time was spent peacefully playing in the woods/sandpile. My parents and I had a healthy relationship at that time, even with the occasional paddling. It wasn't until after, when I became coddled and over-protected that things started to go pearshaped and I think that's what messes a person up. A lot of **** stems from it.
I think a lot of it was them trying to make up for not having watched me closer as a tyke. But it took a lot of sorting out afterwards, I spent years fighting with and against them, my mother especially.
The thing with a spanking is understanding. And I also prefer respect over spanking... I just don't think that it's completely the wrong thing, in some situations. It's not like I'm going to whale on a kid for spilling milk on the carpet.
And you can have respect and spanking. Nothing is black and white.
I don't know how else to explain it really... There's a fine line between abuse and punishment in this, that I know. But I also know that it depends on the person [or rather, a person's reasoning and judgement], and I will never be the type of person to do anything that I think will be detrimental to the development of any children I may have.
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spiderfrommars
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Thanks for sharing Ob.
Personally, I have no intention of smacking my children.
Of course, I have no idea what its like to be a parent, so who knows what will happen.
My problem with it is that its often an act born more out of hate than love: Parent loses temper, then *smack*
I remember the few occasions that I was physically reprimanded, and they are unpleasant memories.
If you can be calculated about punishing your kids then why not go the whole hog and buy one of those special tools for doing so? Such people give me the creeps truth be told, but what's the difference?
Personally, I have no intention of smacking my children.
Of course, I have no idea what its like to be a parent, so who knows what will happen.
My problem with it is that its often an act born more out of hate than love: Parent loses temper, then *smack*
I remember the few occasions that I was physically reprimanded, and they are unpleasant memories.
If you can be calculated about punishing your kids then why not go the whole hog and buy one of those special tools for doing so? Such people give me the creeps truth be told, but what's the difference?
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Best First
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me too. Didn't make me think about what i had done, just made me scared of the person who was punishing me.spiderfrommars wrote:
I remember the few occasions that I was physically reprimanded, and they are unpleasant memories.
A Chuckle Brothers DVD?If you can be calculated about punishing your kids then why not go the whole hog and buy one of those special tools for doing so?
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Predabot
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I was slapped, once or twice spanked, ear-twisted and hair-pulled by one of my parents growing up, and I can tell you that it's not fun.
So no, Sadie. I have no intention what so ever to slap my children. I'm not sure I ever want to be a father but should the day come I'll try my best not to get physical, and if there's psychological rage pent up or somesuch then I'm going to take it on me to not be a father.
I might note that even tho it's fully legal to slap your children in Ireland, in Sweden it's illegal.
So no, Sadie. I have no intention what so ever to slap my children. I'm not sure I ever want to be a father but should the day come I'll try my best not to get physical, and if there's psychological rage pent up or somesuch then I'm going to take it on me to not be a father.
I might note that even tho it's fully legal to slap your children in Ireland, in Sweden it's illegal.
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spiderfrommars
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Optimus Prime Rib
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think what you want of me. I spank Koen on the butt when he is openly defiant. But Mykal.. oh mykal is anther story.
This child destroyed 3 cans of formula in 1 day (15 bucks a can). Butt spanked, he cries, goes tro his room, comes right back out 30 seconds later laughing and getting into something else. Namely, any permanent markers I have in my pocket from work. My bedroom and kitchen are covered in permanent marker now.
He regularly gets into the refigerator and destroys ALL of the food. His little formula incident has now put my NSF as we were on a very tight budget this paycheck as is. But I cant deny my daughter food now can I?
Want him to go to sleep? You either have to continuously spank his butt and get him back in his room, OR turn off EVERYTHING in the house(lights tv radio computer) take the light OUT of his room, and then sit in complete darkness and not speak for about 45 mins to an hour.
If youre lucky he hasnt found something with which to bash his brother in the face with to wake HIM up too.
The doctor says "its just a phase and you need to let him know whos boss"
Another doc says he is ADD and will continue to be like this his whole life but they cant/wont prescribe him anything until hes 4.. hes 2 right now.
Jessy and I watch the Family Guy and flinch whenever Stewie comes on tv.
Imagine Stewie only more mobile. That is Mykal
I want to make something clear. I do NOT enjoy spanking my child. I in fact HATE it. But if I let him get away with this destructive behavior now, imagine how much worse it will be later when hes on his own? I would rather have my son fear my hand then continue his pattern and rob someone and go to prison or worse.
This child destroyed 3 cans of formula in 1 day (15 bucks a can). Butt spanked, he cries, goes tro his room, comes right back out 30 seconds later laughing and getting into something else. Namely, any permanent markers I have in my pocket from work. My bedroom and kitchen are covered in permanent marker now.
He regularly gets into the refigerator and destroys ALL of the food. His little formula incident has now put my NSF as we were on a very tight budget this paycheck as is. But I cant deny my daughter food now can I?
Want him to go to sleep? You either have to continuously spank his butt and get him back in his room, OR turn off EVERYTHING in the house(lights tv radio computer) take the light OUT of his room, and then sit in complete darkness and not speak for about 45 mins to an hour.
If youre lucky he hasnt found something with which to bash his brother in the face with to wake HIM up too.
The doctor says "its just a phase and you need to let him know whos boss"
Another doc says he is ADD and will continue to be like this his whole life but they cant/wont prescribe him anything until hes 4.. hes 2 right now.
Jessy and I watch the Family Guy and flinch whenever Stewie comes on tv.
Imagine Stewie only more mobile. That is Mykal
I want to make something clear. I do NOT enjoy spanking my child. I in fact HATE it. But if I let him get away with this destructive behavior now, imagine how much worse it will be later when hes on his own? I would rather have my son fear my hand then continue his pattern and rob someone and go to prison or worse.
Shanti418 wrote:
Whoa. You know they're going to make Panthro play bass.
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Best First
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Optimus Prime Rib
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Well I turned out ok for the most part. You spend an hour with my son and see how you feel. We have tried "hugging it out" and this is the ONLY way we get any kind of good behavior from him. It is very easy to judge and make your own opinions when youre not the one having to deal with the situation.
Shanti418 wrote:
Whoa. You know they're going to make Panthro play bass.
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Best First
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mate, if you don't want people to form opinions don't post stuff that they will form opinions on. Or equally if you are that defensive about a topic steer clear.
i'm not saying don't punish, i'm saying the physical threat may, that's may, not be the best solution in the long run.
I'm not telling you how to behave, but if you are going to post about it i am entitled to an opinion on how you do.
i'm not saying don't punish, i'm saying the physical threat may, that's may, not be the best solution in the long run.
I'm not telling you how to behave, but if you are going to post about it i am entitled to an opinion on how you do.
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Optimus Prime Rib
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didnt say you couldnt make an opinion. I just said its easy to do so when youre not in the line of fire.
BTW while I went to the bathroom 5 mins ago he got back into the fridge and wiped out the last of our food again. Good thing we have ramen noodles and I get paid tomorrow.
BTW while I went to the bathroom 5 mins ago he got back into the fridge and wiped out the last of our food again. Good thing we have ramen noodles and I get paid tomorrow.
Shanti418 wrote:
Whoa. You know they're going to make Panthro play bass.
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Guest
It seems that the emphasis on discipline has been moved squarely into the homes these days, with outside parties having shied away due to the ever-increasing legalities involved and the constant risk of discipline being perceived as bullying.
Though not a parent myself, having been a member of staff for a youth organisation for almost a decade now, I have seen an increasing number of youths who act up over the years.
Now, I'm not blaming the parents by any means, as I am aware that for a lot of these the problem is not that the parents don't discipline their children, but due to the rise in seperations and divorces, they are often from effectively single-parent families, and either the single parent doesn't have the time to discipline the child effectively, or the child plays one parent off against the other.
I know this doesn't apply to all single-parent families, nor that single-parent families are unique in having poorly-behaved children, all I'm saying is that it does seem coincidental that there has been a rise in single-parent families and a rise in poorly-behaved children.
In the past, our culture has been more regimented, but more recently it has been a lot more relaxed. These two are obvious extremes, and currently we are in a more moderate state. Possibly, this state is a little too relaxed and would benefit from a little more order?
Though not a parent myself, having been a member of staff for a youth organisation for almost a decade now, I have seen an increasing number of youths who act up over the years.
Now, I'm not blaming the parents by any means, as I am aware that for a lot of these the problem is not that the parents don't discipline their children, but due to the rise in seperations and divorces, they are often from effectively single-parent families, and either the single parent doesn't have the time to discipline the child effectively, or the child plays one parent off against the other.
I know this doesn't apply to all single-parent families, nor that single-parent families are unique in having poorly-behaved children, all I'm saying is that it does seem coincidental that there has been a rise in single-parent families and a rise in poorly-behaved children.
In the past, our culture has been more regimented, but more recently it has been a lot more relaxed. These two are obvious extremes, and currently we are in a more moderate state. Possibly, this state is a little too relaxed and would benefit from a little more order?
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Best First
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My little cousin is made to sit on a 'naughty step' on the stairs when he misbehaves. He fears the naughty step far more than anyone shouting at him or threatening him with a smack.
A friend of mine's child went through a bit of a pyromaniac stage. He was caught obviously. This child was a massive Arsenal fan so as punishment he made his kid burn his prized signed Arsenal annual. Needless to say the kind never set fire to anything again.
There are far more constructive ways to punish a child than hitting them IMO.
A friend of mine's child went through a bit of a pyromaniac stage. He was caught obviously. This child was a massive Arsenal fan so as punishment he made his kid burn his prized signed Arsenal annual. Needless to say the kind never set fire to anything again.
There are far more constructive ways to punish a child than hitting them IMO.
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I'd have no problem with spanking children if only we were allowed to spank adults who act like c**ts as well.
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saysadie
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I think a lot of people are taking this the wrong way. I'm not saying "It's okay to beat your children!", or pull their hair, or push them, or whatnot, or to give them physical punishment for daily kid stuff... all I'm saying is that I don't see the problem with a few slaps on the butt in extreme circumstances/when other already tried techniques/warnings don't work, as long as they understand why it's being done..
I guess it would depend on the children, as well... If they're the type to get over such things easily and not too young, then it probably won't hurt them overmuch. But if they're the sensitive type it's not the proper type of punishment to give. There's an age range, too, in which I would spank/not spank. Too young could be psychologically damaging, yes, but it's not like there's a set age for this sort of thing.
May sound stupid or flakey but I rely on my intuition on this aspect. What wasn't too young for one won't be the same for the other, as was demonstrated by my nieces. It depends on the individual... I held off on spanking the youngest as I knew she wouldn't understand the why [plus she is a bit sensitive- now that I think on it, I don't think I ever did spank her], whereas the oldest was a bit quicker to reach the point of being able to connect her bad behaviour to the punishment
The "naughty step" technique was implemented in my house, too, but we were sent to our rooms. I used it with my nieces and it always worked for me.
I had two [maybe two and a half, can't remember now] years with my nieces. And almost daily experience with both before they came to live with us, as my sister in law was one of my best friends up to that point. I babysat a lot. Maybe experience is another thing, I don't know. I don't know how much experience with kids people here have. But I looked after my nieces every day almost immeadiately after they came to live with us. And IIRC, In the beginning I did spank once in a bit. [not contradicting my earlier statement, I'm attempting to correct it.] Not once did I seriously spank, but I did give a couple of earnest swats on the butt after repeated warnings. It was mainly in the beginning when she [my oldest niece is the "she"- I've never laid a hand on the youngest. Was just a baby then] first arrived at our place and didn't listen/was rebellious to the point of extreme- this way she knew I would spank if I had to. After awhile, I didn't have to.
Parents do not enjoy spanking their kids. in my experience, the main driver was fear/discipline problems/anger, yes. If the girls did something they didn't realize was dangerous, they got a spanking. If they did something they knew was bad, they got a spanking. But they were always talked to/hugged afterwards [not immeadiately if it was something like stealing or the like, but yes. Things were always explained.] and it was made sure they understood that everyone loved them and why they were spanked/had gotten a spanking, just as was done with us. So [if done with some sense, love and understanding] I don't believe it's detrimental.
To be honest, I don't like the personal tone this topic is taking. I'd rather try to detach it from that, but I suppose it is a personal topic for some people. I can understand the negative feelings attached if people have had wholly negative experiences with it. I didn't, however. I understood the why in most cases, and always knew my parents loved me.
I guess it would depend on the children, as well... If they're the type to get over such things easily and not too young, then it probably won't hurt them overmuch. But if they're the sensitive type it's not the proper type of punishment to give. There's an age range, too, in which I would spank/not spank. Too young could be psychologically damaging, yes, but it's not like there's a set age for this sort of thing.
May sound stupid or flakey but I rely on my intuition on this aspect. What wasn't too young for one won't be the same for the other, as was demonstrated by my nieces. It depends on the individual... I held off on spanking the youngest as I knew she wouldn't understand the why [plus she is a bit sensitive- now that I think on it, I don't think I ever did spank her], whereas the oldest was a bit quicker to reach the point of being able to connect her bad behaviour to the punishment
I don't want to judge another parent's technique, but [and I am sorry as I know it's someone you know] destroying something they loved as a punishment is not something I would make my kids do. I felt bad enough taking a much-loved stuffy away for a few hours. 'm sure a lot of thought was put into the decision to do so... no one who cares would deliberately do something they think is bad, after all.Hound wrote:This child was a massive Arsenal fan so as punishment he made his kid burn his prized signed Arsenal annual. Needless to say the kind never set fire to anything again.
There are far more constructive ways to punish a child than hitting them IMO.
The "naughty step" technique was implemented in my house, too, but we were sent to our rooms. I used it with my nieces and it always worked for me.
I had two [maybe two and a half, can't remember now] years with my nieces. And almost daily experience with both before they came to live with us, as my sister in law was one of my best friends up to that point. I babysat a lot. Maybe experience is another thing, I don't know. I don't know how much experience with kids people here have. But I looked after my nieces every day almost immeadiately after they came to live with us. And IIRC, In the beginning I did spank once in a bit. [not contradicting my earlier statement, I'm attempting to correct it.] Not once did I seriously spank, but I did give a couple of earnest swats on the butt after repeated warnings. It was mainly in the beginning when she [my oldest niece is the "she"- I've never laid a hand on the youngest. Was just a baby then] first arrived at our place and didn't listen/was rebellious to the point of extreme- this way she knew I would spank if I had to. After awhile, I didn't have to.
Parents do not enjoy spanking their kids. in my experience, the main driver was fear/discipline problems/anger, yes. If the girls did something they didn't realize was dangerous, they got a spanking. If they did something they knew was bad, they got a spanking. But they were always talked to/hugged afterwards [not immeadiately if it was something like stealing or the like, but yes. Things were always explained.] and it was made sure they understood that everyone loved them and why they were spanked/had gotten a spanking, just as was done with us. So [if done with some sense, love and understanding] I don't believe it's detrimental.
To be honest, I don't like the personal tone this topic is taking. I'd rather try to detach it from that, but I suppose it is a personal topic for some people. I can understand the negative feelings attached if people have had wholly negative experiences with it. I didn't, however. I understood the why in most cases, and always knew my parents loved me.
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sprunkner
- Over Pompous Autobot Commander
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Word, Sades. I think it's telling that all of us without kids are saying, "We'd never spank!" while the guy with kids is saying, "Sometimes you have to."
I heard someone say once: "There may be a time to spank, I just haven't found it in the last fifteen years." And that's pretty much it. I got the occasional terror swat, usually more terrifying that hurtful. I believe there are better alternatives, but I don't believe that a mild slap on the behind is going to cause long-term damage.
I heard someone say once: "There may be a time to spank, I just haven't found it in the last fifteen years." And that's pretty much it. I got the occasional terror swat, usually more terrifying that hurtful. I believe there are better alternatives, but I don't believe that a mild slap on the behind is going to cause long-term damage.
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Shanti418
- Over Pompous Autobot Commander
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To me, the actual phsycial pain aspect of being spanked or pulled around by my father isn't what sticks with me with most. It was that it was my father doing it to me. Very psychological, given that you probably love and respect your parents more than anyone else when you're young.
Spanking can be good or bad, depending on how much the parent uses it as a crutch or failsafe response that's quick and easy and releasing.
Spanking can be good or bad, depending on how much the parent uses it as a crutch or failsafe response that's quick and easy and releasing.
Best First wrote:I thought we could just meander between making well thought out points, being needlessly immature, provocative and generalist, then veer into caring about constructive debate and make a few valid points, act civil for a bit, then lower the tone again, then act offended when we get called on it, then dictate what it is and isn't worth debating, reinterpret a few of my own posts through a less offensive lens, then jaunt down whatever other path our seemingly volatile mood took us in.
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Best First
- King of the, er, Kingdom.
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maybe, but i'd bear in mind that, given that these people have all been, you know, children at some point - their insights might still have some value.sprunkner wrote:Word, Sades. I think it's telling that all of us without kids are saying, "We'd never spank!" while the guy with kids is saying, "Sometimes you have to."
Re: Spanking kids vs not spanking kids
I really can't say. I don't really consider myself against spanking as I haven't been in the situations where it may be required, but I have no interest in doing it. Like many people do, I have issues with it due to my own experiences while growing up that rather put me off.saysadie wrote:If/when you have kids [or if you already have 'em], will you/do you spank them?
Agreeing with spidey here.spiderfrommars wrote:Of course, I have no idea what its like to be a parent, so who knows what will happen.
My problem with it is that its often an act born more out of hate than love: Parent loses temper, then *smack*
I remember the few occasions that I was physically reprimanded, and they are unpleasant memories.
When I see friends' little toddlers seemingly behaving like monotasked vandals on angeldust and driving their parents mental, yeesh. It's horrible to see them have trouble like that. In those situations the idea of spanking must be fairly instinctual and attractive? Don't know how I will react when I reach that stage in life.
saydie wrote:I guess it would depend on the children, as well... If they're the type to get over such things easily and not too young, then it probably won't hurt them overmuch. But if they're the sensitive type it's not the proper type of punishment to give. There's an age range, too, in which I would spank/not spank. Too young could be psychologically damaging, yes, but it's not like there's a set age for this sort of thing.
Spanking kids at age 5/6 and up is where I just disassociate from the subject, mainly because I can't remember being spanked myself at a younger age, but I can an amount on from it up into teenage years.
I'd also like to think it would be possible to have a value relationship with your kids from school-age that doesn't require physical punishment as a dis-incentive for certain types of behaviour.
Thing is, I remember being twatted around by a family member a lot when I was a kid, from that age upwards, as punishment and...it didn't work.
I got hit a fair amount (but still a 'normal' amount for that time, no violins here) when I was growing up in that context, and it mainly instilled two things in me:
1) Anger at the person hitting me.
2) The knowledge that I must be sneakier and avoid getting caught in future.
So yeah. I guess I'm a bit bitter about it, really...don't tend to think about it much. I currently have almost no relationship with the person who used to hit me when I was a kid, through my own choice, and this person makes up 50% of my entire family.
That is mainly down to my reaction to this person choosing spanking over reasoning every time they felt disciplining was necessary. I guess once I reasoned out that I wasn't an animal, I was a person, and you don't hit people to solve issues...and you certainly shouldn't be hitting your family...that was the start of the end where that person was concerned.
So, not a route I want to take. Hound's examples sound interesting, as the kid can think about what they did and the punishment and reason the connection. A problem I had was that I could not reason a way to justify 'doing X = mum/dad etc inflict pain'. Thing being explained afterwards didn't work when I was little as I mostly recall ignoring that rubbish and just standing there snivelling thinking little more than 'you hurt me you hurt me why did you do that you how do you get to do that I'm going to make you pay you hurt me you hurt me' etc. Being smacked about doesn't tend to position the mind into a open, contrite and receptive state, you know?
And once you get older - the parents/whomever have already lost that one before they start talking if they went with the back of their hand first IMHO.
Sorry for going the personal route, but personal experience is about all I have for forming my stance on the issue:saydie wrote:To be honest, I don't like the personal tone this topic is taking. I'd rather try to detach it from that, but I suppose it is a personal topic for some people. I can understand the negative feelings attached if people have had wholly negative experiences with it.
From an age where your kid can reason out their experiences and both theirs and your behaviour for themselves, I would have to say no way to spanking. Earlier than that, I don't know, but I can certainly see how it would seem a viable option. Not something I particularly want to do, and of course no parent would want to either.
PS Ob is the cutest guy ever - great story mate.
