How do you make up your mind on something?

saysadie · Post by **saysadie** » Fri Jun 30, 2006 7:54 am

I'm going to have a ramble now, as I need a bit of help thinking.

I usually have a lot, lot lot of trouble making big decisions. I've made so many bad ones that I always try to second-guess myself and get caught up in trying to see every side possible of something... usually, it's the more negative sides of things, though not always. It's been a big thing for me as of late as I've got a lot of things I absolutely must make my mind up on, the sooner the better.

A part of the stumbling block would be risk involved in making large decisions... One of the things is: I've got a job, it now pays enough for me to get my own apartment but I hate it so very, very much sometimes... I want to leave it, but I'll be struggling as it is and I'm half-afraid I won't be able to find another that pays as much.

Another thing would be deciding, once and for all what I want to go back to school for. I hate shift work, and I want... something better than this, y'know? I know I can have something better if I'd just... believe in me/decide on something. But I'm afraid that I'll change my mind halfway through whatever it is, or I'll freak out, or something.

... But, things have to be done, decisions have to be made as I've been at my current ****** job for far longer than I ever thought I would be. And, well... I'm really horrible at making decisions. I waffle back and forth between going for something then retreating because I'm afraid to leave the current stable position I'm in, even though I know I don't want to stay here. So I'm asking for advice. How does one make big decisions without getting mired in "what if/if I do this/if I don't/etc"?

Post by **snarl** » Fri Jun 30, 2006 8:31 am

Well, if you're not happy at your job and you stay at your job, is it going to suddenly get great? It's doubtful isn't it.

So you will only know whether a new choice is good by taking that chance. You might as well, if what you're doing right now isn't working out, trying something new... well, presuming you can sort out a place to stay, there's not a lot else lose is there?

And if the new thing you do doesn't pan out so great, well, you've not missed anything because you left something that you weren't enjoying anyway.

Here's a way of making your goals tangible - take a second to really think and imagine what it is that you want to do. Write it down. Then work backwards in stages from your goal to where you are now. Then you've got a path of sorts to follow.

Post by **Kaylee** » Fri Jun 30, 2006 8:37 am

I usually make my decisions based on two broad concepts- net utility and options.

If have a choice and one option is difficult/bad but the other even worse I just knuckle down and take the less bad one. Sounds mind-bogglingly simple but you'd be surprised how easy it is to just put the decision off indefinitely and hope it goes away. Then you end up doing nothing and usually making things worse.

If there's nothing to choose between two options then I generally go for the one with the most possibilities, the option that opens the most doors/potential/future choices.

From what you describe the answers seem simple- if you dislike your job then leave it. If you want more education, then you should take it. The two saddest words a person can ever utter are the dreaded "What if...". Sounds to me like you've already decided you want a change, now you just need to work out the fine details.

Eline · Post by **Eline** » Fri Jun 30, 2006 8:55 am

Can you look for a new job whilst still be working at the current job? Then you can quit once you've got a new job, and still have enough money to live.

I'm not very good about making big decisions either.

Post by **Best First** » Fri Jun 30, 2006 8:58 am

i used to be quite bad at making decisions or changes, i think i'm slowly getting better though.

to be honest i think the best thing is to just go ahead and do stuff, and if that doesn't work out go ahead and do some other stuff.

better than hanging around umming and ahing about doing the initial thing when you could aleady have tried that and maybe be seven things down the line and found out what you really like.

but maybe that's a bit simplistic.

Plus i don't alway slive by it - my paycheck is far too big...

Predabot · Post by **Predabot** » Fri Jun 30, 2006 10:00 am

Well, changing jobs is tricky, I've never had a job, so I am as ussual useless for advice, but I am studying to become an Electrical Engineer, something wich I do now and then have my doubts about, if I really want to work as one.

What exactly is it you do Sadie? And what is it you want to do? Maybe you want to do the same thing that you're doing now, just not at the same place, with the same people.

snarl wrote:Well, if you're not happy at your job and you stay at your job, is it going to suddenly get great? It's doubtful isn't it.

Here's a way of making your goals tangible - take a second to really think and imagine what it is that you want to do. Write it down. Then work backwards in stages from your goal to where you are now. Then you've got a path of sorts to follow.

O'connelly, Paul? Are you guys hacking Snarls account? Because this is blatantly obviously not one of Snarls posts. It contains no hostility or curse-words. Something is amiss...

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri Jun 30, 2006 10:18 am

It wasn't aimed in your general direction, perhaps?

My personal slant on the decision-making process would be "Does making this particular change move me in a direction I want to move in?" as the principal driving mechanism.

Professor Smooth · Post by **Professor Smooth** » Fri Jun 30, 2006 4:41 pm

I ask myself: Prof, what's best for you? How will this effect the people you care about? Will this, in any way, shape, or form effect you in 6 months?

If all that doesn't work, I flip a coin.

Shanti418 · Post by **Shanti418** » Fri Jun 30, 2006 4:54 pm

See, that's my problem making decisions. I have an extremely hard time putting my own self interest in front of others.

Professor Smooth · Post by **Professor Smooth** » Fri Jun 30, 2006 6:45 pm

Shanti418 wrote:See, that's my problem making decisions. I have an extremely hard time putting my own self interest in front of others.

I can't speak for you, but in my experience, caring about the interest of others to the point where I would rather sacrifice my own well being for theirs would mean that their well-being effects my own.

Post by **Kaylee** » Fri Jun 30, 2006 6:58 pm

Yeah, don't let that little weeny of a conscience push you around! You need to think about all the things that *you* want, that *you* deserve! Things that the WORLD OWES YOU!!! [/Bender]

sawwy, it just fitted too neatly to resist :3

saysadie · Post by **saysadie** » Fri Jun 30, 2006 7:32 pm

Shanti418 wrote: I have an extremely hard time putting my own self interest in front of others.

I used to have that problem. Til I realized that I had basically become a doormat... at which point I adopted a "everybody can go [composite word including 'f*ck'] themselves" attitude, which did nothing for me either. I try to keep it somewhere in between when it comes to, now. Much better.

My main problem is lack of faith in my own ability to make decisions and fear of where I might end up, I think. But everyone is pretty much right... "You don't like it? Change it" is really the only solution. I suppose I knew that on some level, but... I'm afraid.

The "wrong" decision could leave me somewhere I don't want to be as much as the "right" one would take me... somewhere else.

Right.

... Well, yeah. Staying in this position for much longer, I end up feeling the need to strangle someone half the time, sooo...

I dunno, y'know? There's the good... money, work friends, stupendously easy work... and then there's the bad, the monotony, the ****** weird hours, the idiots, the feeling of being stuck in something incredibly dead-end...

School is something different altogether. I seem to change what I want to go into daily, and I can't go into them all... then there's that little "panic disorder" thing I seemed to have picked up in regards to. That's no fun either.

And there, you see, is the waffle. Gah!

Pissin' Poonani · Post by **Pissin' Poonani** » Fri Jun 30, 2006 11:36 pm

I lurrrrve the Sadie!

I'm so drunk, I just paid to sign up for friends reunited, so I can talk to that girl I moaned about a while ago. Saaaayyyydddddddiiiiiiiiiieeeeeee!!!!!!!

saysadie · Post by **saysadie** » Sat Jul 01, 2006 7:53 am

nice.
Spelled it right once, misspelled it the second time...

I lurrrrrve the poonani.

But, doesn't everyone?

Pissin' Poonani · Post by **Pissin' Poonani** » Sat Jul 01, 2006 9:13 am

saysadie wrote: I lurrrrrve the poonani. But, doesn't everyone?

Not everyone-but maybe we can change that and make the world a better place?

People of all nations holding hands, singing of their love for the poonani.

And the ssssaaaaaaaaaaadddddddddddiiiiiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!

Post by **Best First** » Sat Jul 01, 2006 2:15 pm

saysadie wrote:
I lurrrrrve the poonani. But, doesn't everyone?

i know i do. mmm.

man you are knocking these sig quotes out of the park this week.

saysadie · Post by **saysadie** » Sat Jul 01, 2006 7:47 pm

It's a talent. I'm just really really sick-minded.

saysadie · Post by **saysadie** » Wed Jul 05, 2006 7:08 pm

Sickmidedness aside, I finally have a solution!

... That solution is to put everything off and go on holiday.

As I don't need to move out immeadiately and need the certainty of steady work right now I'm putting off quitting my job, am not moving til maybe the end of August [I have that option now, thankfully-things have changed and decisions have been made so all is gooder], am taking my vacation pay and am going berrypicking/camping with my parents and sister in August.

Roughing it for a week or so, spending hours crawling on the ground picking berries and then spending all evening cleaning/sorting them in front of a fire= my idea of heaven.

Will hopefully also cure the abject homesickness that has been making me consider moving back to the city I grew up near and finding a job/apartment there- if not, well then, I might do that, I don't know yet. Will cross that bridge when I get to it.

Back to letting this thread die a slow death.

Many many thanks to y'all... I is a happy girl right now.

*hugs eeeverybody*

Predabot · Post by **Predabot** » Thu Jul 06, 2006 11:05 pm

Smiles because he just got a hug.*

saysadie · Post by **saysadie** » Fri Jul 07, 2006 7:00 am

... Everybody who isn't Predabot. Until he learns to bathe, at the very least.

Predabot · Post by **Predabot** » Fri Jul 07, 2006 12:44 pm

Hey!

I bathed last week.. and shaved, and cut my hair.. because I had my sister over..

Post by **Best First** » Fri Jul 07, 2006 2:12 pm

young love is so sweet...

sprunkner · Post by **sprunkner** » Fri Jul 07, 2006 3:40 pm

Come on holiday to Utah! We can do outdoorsy stuff and drink really bad beer. And eat really good ice cream. We have arches. Do you have arches? I thought not. Even if you do, ours are better.

In other news, I like to make pros/cons lists when faced with a hard decision. Yep. Like this one:

Hugging Predabot

Pros:
General Transfans togetherness
Feeling somewhat sorry for the poor guy

Cons:
Doesn't bathe.
Can only feel sorry until annoyed. Then sorryness feels cheapened.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri Jul 07, 2006 8:20 pm

The (rather laboured) sentence:

Predabot wrote:Hey! I bathed last week.. and shaved, and cut my hair.. because I had my sister over..

would have been more acceptable by society at large if it had been:

Maxicon* wrote:Hey! I bathed last week.. and shaved, and cut my hair.. because it's my regular stay-healthy, stay-hygenic routine!

* Maxicon is that alternate-world opposite and equivalent of Predacon, and whom we would very much liked to have had joined our internet community instead back in April '03. Never banned, never went into 'self-exile', never multied except for comedy value. All in all, your typical, likeable Brendocon Alt-Id.

Predabot · Post by **Predabot** » Fri Jul 07, 2006 8:44 pm

Rebis wrote:* Maxicon is that alternate-world opposite and equivalent of Predacon, and whom we would very much liked to have had joined our internet community instead back in April '03. Never banned, never went into 'self-exile', never multied except for comedy value. All in all, your typical, likeable Brendocon Alt-Id.

Yeah but you didn't, you got his evil alternate universe duplicate instead.

*And it's 25 degrees celsius with a nice cool breeze here on Qward*