If women were football teams

[snarl]

If women were football teams

Birmingham - Pamela Anderson:
Used to look good in the cups but now a declining force. Plus millions
of people watched them get a good seeing to.

Wigan - Davina McCall:
Poor attendances confirm they've been promoted above their ability.

Portsmouth - Girls Aloud:
Only one real class act among the hastily assembled line-up. You
shouldn't like them but admit it, you've sneaked the occasional admiring
glance.

Sunderland - Kerry Katona:
Once the people's favourite but now an embarrassment. Fun while it
lasted - now disappear from where you came, please.

Spurs - Keira Knightley:
Undeniably easy on the eye with an attractive English spine. And proof
that two little ones up front needn't be an drawback.

Everton - Dannii Minogue:
The poor relation to the more glamorous sibling. Can anyone remember
when it was they were supposed to be any good?

Fulham - Charlotte Church:
Proof that money can't buy you class. But could look more attractive if
the Welsh bloke was given the elbow.

Arsenal - Jordan:
Were more likeable when they weren't packed out with expensive foreign
implants.

Newcastle - Jodie Marsh:
Impressive front two but embarrassing at the back. Had surgery but need
a lot more work to compete at a higher level.

Aston Villa - Dido:
Bland, boring and still trading off the one big hit they had years ago.

Liverpool - Sophie Ellis-Bextor: Individually all the components look
great but stick them together and it just doesn't work.

Chelsea - Rachel Stevens:
You'd rather just watch them than listen to all that painful whining.

Bolton - Clare Balding:
You wouldn't. Not even if they were the last team on earth

Manchester United - Catherine Zeta Jones
Used to look great until they were shafted by an old fat American with
too much money

[divebomb]

If women were football teams

Birmingham - Pamela Anderson:
Used to look good in the cups but now a declining force. Plus millions
of people watched them get a good seeing to.

Wigan - Davina McCall:
Poor attendances confirm they've been promoted above their ability.

Portsmouth - Girls Aloud:
Only one real class act among the hastily assembled line-up. You
shouldn't like them but admit it, you've sneaked the occasional admiring
glance.

Sunderland - Kerry Katona:
Once the people's favourite but now an embarrassment. Fun while it
lasted - now disappear from where you came, please.

Spurs - Keira Knightley:
Undeniably easy on the eye with an attractive English spine. And proof
that two little ones up front needn't be an drawback.

Everton - Dannii Minogue:
The poor relation to the more glamorous sibling. Can anyone remember
when it was they were supposed to be any good?

Fulham - Charlotte Church:
Proof that money can't buy you class. But could look more attractive if
the Welsh bloke was given the elbow.

Arsenal - Jordan:
Were more likeable when they weren't packed out with expensive foreign
implants.

Newcastle - Jodie Marsh:
Impressive front two but embarrassing at the back. Had surgery but need
a lot more work to compete at a higher level.

Aston Villa - Dido:
Bland, boring and still trading off the one big hit they had years ago.

Liverpool - Sophie Ellis-Bextor: Individually all the components look
great but stick them together and it just doesn't work.

Chelsea - Rachel Stevens:
You'd rather just watch them than listen to all that painful whining.

Bolton - Clare Balding:
You wouldn't. Not even if they were the last team on earth

Manchester United - Catherine Zeta Jones
Used to look great until they were shafted by an old fat American with
too much money

I'd take Dido in exchange for villa, I swear if we sell gareth barry to newcastle this summer, I stop supporting them

Surely more Birmingham city's style?

[Aaron Hong]

I just realised I follow less football than I do women. Hmm.