Divorce

Optimus Prime Rib · Post by **Optimus Prime Rib** » Tue Jan 10, 2006 5:50 pm

Well.. Jessy and I have ben fighting for the past week but I thought things were going to work out now that everything was out on the table.

Then someone has to go and lie on me.

Theres this girl that I used to mess around with who is now just a friend of mine who has ruined my maraige. I thought she was my friend and confidant, but apparently she was serious when she said that she wishes her and I were together. She told Jessy that I have been going to see her to [composite word including 'f*ck']. This is absolutely and totally untrue! What makes matters worse is there was an open box of condoms in my car that she found today. What she DIDNT find were the actual condoms that were stashed in the little compartment behind the seat. I bought those months ago when her and I were NOT pregnant but I was embarrased when I bought them at the store so I opened the box and hid it.

I know it looks bad but its the truth.

The WORST thing is there is a mystery bra in my house. I was cleaning one day and there was this white bra in a wal-mart bag in my hallway. I didnt think anything of it so I threw it on the end table and jessy starts in with "whos is that?" Apparently I need to pay attention to Lingerie that she wears. She goes in and out of her moms house and does alot of laundry there. There is her mom, and both of her sisters there. No chance of it being theres I guess?

The point is, Im innocent. I didnt do anything with this girl but she refuses to believe me. Sh got the kids dressed and walked out the door on me. Im so pissed right now that I dont know how to feel.

But I AM INNOCENT DAMNIT.

Obfleur · Post by **Obfleur** » Tue Jan 10, 2006 5:56 pm

Holy ****

Aaron Hong · Post by **Aaron Hong** » Tue Jan 10, 2006 6:52 pm

I'm sorry to hear about that, man. Don't worry, the thing about the truth is that it's bound to come up sooner or later.

Predabot · Post by **Predabot** » Tue Jan 10, 2006 7:03 pm

Optimus Prime Rib wrote:Well.. Jessy and I have ben fighting for the past week

Oh, man!

Theres this girl that I used to mess around with who is now just a friend of mine

Dude.. if it was prior to your marriage.. I suppose it can't be helped... but dude! I 'm not sure you should have kept such a friend after getting married..

I think you basically needs to sit it out for 2 days or so, let her calm down and think a little bit, and then just do your best to turn your heart inside out and tell her exactly how much you want her back, and all sorts of seemingly crazy things you'd do for her if she would come home.

Optimus Prime Rib · Post by **Optimus Prime Rib** » Tue Jan 10, 2006 7:03 pm

yes she was before we got married. the thing is when I say mess around I mean used to hang out and kissed once or twice.

Obfleur · Post by **Obfleur** » Tue Jan 10, 2006 7:06 pm

Predabot wrote: but dude! I 'm not sure you should have kept such a friend after getting married..

There's absolutely nothing wrong with being friends with an ex, or whatever.

Post by **Denyer** » Tue Jan 10, 2006 7:28 pm

Commiserations on getting hitched to [someone prepared to behave idiotically and] believe the word of someone trying to hurt and insult them rather than their partner. [edit: Yeah, there's a difference between being and a behaviour, which I should be bloody aware of by now; I've pulled enough people up on it myself, so there's no excuse for me speaking unclearly.]

Predabot wrote: I 'm not sure you should have kept such a friend after getting married.

Only on the basis she turns out to be a malicious liar. Giving up friends for a partner isn't exactly healthy behaviour.

Optimus Prime Rib · Post by **Optimus Prime Rib** » Tue Jan 10, 2006 7:48 pm

Denyer wrote:Commiserations on getting hitched to an idiot prepared to believe the word of someone trying to hurt and insult them rather than their partner.

I would appreciate it if you didnt call my wife an idiot whether we stay together or not. Shes pregnant, her hormones are out of whack, and I didnt help the issue.

Predabot wrote: I 'm not sure you should have kept such a friend after getting married.

Denyer wrote:
Only on the basis she turns out to be a malicious liar. Giving up friends for a partner isn't exactly healthy behaviour.

Thats how I feel too, but since she has turned into a malicious liar its time to cut bait and run. Or cut her.

Predabot · Post by **Predabot** » Tue Jan 10, 2006 7:48 pm

I thought it was one of those "friends" wich you have a very, very great deal of sexual activity with.

I myself would probably have something of a problem if my theoretical wife was hanging out with that friend after getting married with me, even tho it would seem to be platonic.

But that was obviously not the case here.

Have you talked to your lady-friend about her lying to your wife OPR? What did she say?

sprunkner · Post by **sprunkner** » Tue Jan 10, 2006 7:49 pm

I'm sorry, man.

Hopefully once Jessy has some time to think, she will be able to realize, clearly, what you mean to her and what your word means to her.

Marriages all have their rough periods, where fights are frequent, even bad fights that would break a non-married couple up. It's normal to go through this, I think. Marriage is a different level of commitment than any other relationship. It's a real shame that your "friend" had to pull her **** during one of these rough times.

No married couple wants to let go of all their friends from singlehood, Preds, even if those friends carry baggage. Astonishingly, getting married does not mean your only friend is your spouse. If that were true, the two of you would get sick of each other even more quickly than you sometimes do.

I'm sure she'll understand, once things calm down, and if you can find a way to talk in a peaceful environment. She's not stupid-- obviously she was smart enough to marry you (and she is therefore the envy of every Transfan).

We'll be praying for you, Joey.

Optimus Prime Rib · Post by **Optimus Prime Rib** » Tue Jan 10, 2006 7:55 pm

I just want to die.

sprunkner · Post by **sprunkner** » Tue Jan 10, 2006 7:57 pm

I suggest hitting something over and over and over.

It'll get better, man. Just get through tonight.

Call Karl. He's always helpful.

Obfleur · Post by **Obfleur** » Tue Jan 10, 2006 8:03 pm

Just keep your head cool whenever you talk with her.
If she gets mad, upset or angry and yells at your or something, just keep cool.

Shanti418 · Post by **Shanti418** » Tue Jan 10, 2006 9:18 pm

Yeah man, the truth is on your side, and the truth shall set you free.

Just open a line of dialogue, and tell her why you had the condoms, and how all of them were accounted for. Find out whose bra that was. And as for the friend, well, she's not a friend anymore. At the very least, you shouldn't really ever see her again. At the very most, prior to never seeing her again, make her admit and apologize for lying in front of Jessy.

You and her have been together for a while now, and have a family together. She doesn't want to throw it all away on a few allegations, any more than you would want to throw it away for one night with another woman. She just sees the admittedly suspicious evidence plus your friend plus everyone's natural insecurities and paranoia, and she's scared and doesn't really know what to think.

Yaya · Post by **Yaya** » Tue Jan 10, 2006 11:02 pm

Aaron Hong wrote:I'm sorry to hear about that, man. Don't worry, the thing about the truth is that it's bound to come up sooner or later.

I agree with that. Hang tough, be patient, and honesty will prevail.

Metal Vendetta · Post by **Metal Vendetta** » Tue Jan 10, 2006 11:07 pm

Hormones make women crazy. Bite down on a stick until the rage passes and hopefully you'll be able to talk things out soon.

Yaya · Post by **Yaya** » Tue Jan 10, 2006 11:09 pm

Obfleur wrote:
Predabot wrote: but dude! I 'm not sure you should have kept such a friend after getting married..
There's absolutely nothing wrong with being friends with an ex, or whatever.

I disagree...to an extent. One should avoid contact with an ex as much as possible, but if it becomes necessary, then one should always be as amicable as possible.

Things just work out better with the new relationship, which is the one that counts most, if one ignores the old one.

Most women are of the jealous, gossipy nature. (here come the feminists!). That's just the way it is. Men can usually look at things from a more levelheaded point of view, but I am convinced that women are incapable of separating out their emotions from whatever task is at hand. Granted, these are blanket statements, and is the case with such statements, there are always exceptions. But they are few and far between.

I have an ex, and my wife is as jealous as a human being can be, even though I haven't seen nor spoke to my ex in two years. I have done everything in my power to erase my ex from my very existence for the sake of my current wife, and STILL, when she somehow comes up my wife steams!

Post by **Denyer** » Wed Jan 11, 2006 1:14 am

Optimus Prime Rib wrote:I would appreciate it if you didnt call my wife an idiot whether we stay together or not. Shes pregnant, her hormones are out of whack, and I didnt help the issue.

I'll leave that opinion further unexpressed.

Yaya wrote:I have done everything in my power to erase my ex from my very existence for the sake of my current wife, and STILL, when she somehow comes up my wife steams!

Jealousy's pretty universal -- indeed, a bit (expressed and not bottled up) is perfectly healthy. Maturity involves acknowledging that and not letting it poison things. I won't control or issue edicts over a partner's friendships as they won't mine... in large part because I've seen what possessiveness has done to other people's relationships.

here come the feminists!

Men widely get jealous (and are far more likely to accompany it with possessive behaviour including violence, if we're talking stats.) The dark ages were a while back, and are an appropriate period of time in which to leave the "genders are from two different planets" spiel to rot.

Predabot wrote:Have you talked to your lady-friend about her lying to your wife

I'd be concentrating more on a thorough character-assassination rather than associating further with the troublemaker. Which wouldn't be hard, as this scale of lie is a thing you write friends off for. At the very least, she's immature, but is possibly also mentally unstable. A confrontation could very well make things worse and lead to further accusations, police involvement, etc.

Brendocon · Post by **Brendocon** » Wed Jan 11, 2006 10:58 am

Metal Vendetta wrote:Hormones make women crazy.

Like most of them have far to go...

Eline · Post by **Eline** » Wed Jan 11, 2006 11:40 am

Sorry to hear that. I don't have any useful advice, I just hope that you two can solve it.

*hug*

Without going too much into the men-women-hormones debate, I must say that men can get jealous as easily as women, as Denyer already has said.

Post by **Best First** » Wed Jan 11, 2006 1:41 pm

Eline wrote: Sorry to hear that. I don't have any useful advice, I just hope that you two can solve it.

*hug*

Without going too much into the men-women-hormones debate, I must say that men can get jealous as easily as women, as Denyer already has said.

Femenist!

agreed.

Here come the Femenists. Bloody hell. Don't be a tit.

Joey, stick to the truth man, its the only way. I'd suggest maybe writing a letter as well, i sometimes find it much harder to explaing how i feel verbally when i get one shot than in writing when i can go over it until it says what i mean - what you express above comes across as sincere and honest.

Unfortunately i guess you have to try and balance that with not acting guilty.

My thoughts are with you - sorry you are going through this.

KingMob · Post by **KingMob** » Thu Jan 12, 2006 8:33 am

Oh, hells. Sorry for you man, but yeah, there's some good advice here.
Like Aaron said, the truth will out.
Stay frosty, mate.

Darth Aux · Post by **Darth Aux** » Thu Jan 12, 2006 9:41 am

OPR
Ask your wife and this bunny boiler to talk, the problem with a liar is that their stories don't hold water. Question this home wrecker, ask for dates and all that. If you have distinctive markings under your clothes she has never seen, all that kind of stuff.

Chances are, she'll say a date that you and your wife were together and as you've only kissed as teenagers (Or at least prior to your marriage), if you have a birth mark or tattoo she has never seen, your wife will see her lies.

My thoughts are with you and I hope everything works out.

saysadie · Post by **saysadie** » Fri Jan 13, 2006 8:49 am

Ugh. Good luck, man... I have no advice to give, I've been in/am in some really messed up situs but nothing like. As has been said, truth is good.

Kup_1 · Post by **Kup_1** » Sun Jan 15, 2006 2:39 am

Metal Vendetta wrote:Hormones make women crazy. Bite down on a stick until the rage passes and hopefully you'll be able to talk things out soon.

True...take it from a woman who is going through some crap in her own marriage.

And I agree with Sprunker.....let her cool down, and then talk to her.

Oh...and get someone to kick that other woman's ass........

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