GAAAAAHH!!! My mom's getting married!

[Predabot]

GOD F*CKING DAMNIT!! I'm so angry right now!

Or to be accurate, I was about 2 hours ago...now I'm just feeling an immense amount of helplessness and sadness.

I feel that I'm going trough the entire register of despair, first it was a numbing shock, I didn't feel a thing, I couldn't say much really. Mom and her boyfriend came home around 15:00 today, and they ate a pizza ( I had already eaten, but they didn't ask either) after awhile, while I was happily surfin' the net, my mom called me in.

I was a bit confused as to what the h*ll she could want, and sat down. Then she dropped the bomb:

They are getting married the 20th of August.

Shortly after they left the rage sank in! I was so mad at her for what she's doing, that I really can't tell what would have happened if they had still been there.

The rage surpassed in approx 20 minutes. And I got a call from my cousin, asking me over for some games, I accept and prep myself. I get out, and un-loade my bike, then I see them on the other side of the street, waiting for the bus. Then I recall them asking me to check the time-table for the bus, but it didn't go until 40 minutes later...

I cycle pass them, and the immense sence of emptiness comes back.

I do my best when I come over to my cus to keep a good face, but I probably gave away a sence of blazé and boredom, so it seemed atleast. I just don't want to load this on him.

Now that I'm back home I just feel sad, lonely and completely devoid. I tried calling my sister who lives in Swiss with her boyfriend, but they weren't in...

What the heck to do??! Currently I feel as if the only thing possible is to immediately cut all contact with my mother and pretend she's dead, but how the hell am I going to accomplish that in TWO F*CKING WEEKS?

The main snag is that I live with my mom, altho currently she hasn't been around much for some time, always off to that c*nt person of hers, but I still live in her appartment cause I don't have a job, just an intership wich pays about 300 £ a month (if I have made a remotely correct translation to pound) and are simultaneously reading up on maths, second degree equations and sh*t.

Ah sh*t, I really don't want this to happen.

Maybe it's a good idea to give you the low-down on her boik...

He's like 26...my mom's 44... he's from Pakistani, he's a sporadic flee- market sales-man.. He speaks very bad swedish. Guh.

I've always considered myself a rather politically correct man, without any racist tendencies, but the events of the recent year, with her having several younger immigrant "boyfriends" ( most of them came around to f*ck her only really..) and this recent development, has made me think some thoughts on a daily basis wich I would normally find detesting..I guess that's how rascism really starts, it's personal.

I don't know if I've ever felt this helpless about anything, it feels as if I can't do anything. And what can I do or say? I can't say a word about the pain she's causing me now, with that supid f*ck of a dumb smile she put on when she laid it on me, jeesus.. I really gotta talk to the family about this, cause I gotta stop it!

Agh. I think I'm sinking into depression here, I got little air in my bike-tires, and had to go and pump them, but it felt like a monumental undertaking when I did it. I even find myself wishing to go back to the time 2 years ago, when I lived in a small village, with mom and her abusive paranoid monstrosity of an ex.

I'm slumped.

[Darth Aux]

I know it's hard dude but you gotta let people make their own mistakes. If you try and push them apart it could push you and your mum further apart.

If you want a chat dude, I'm on MSN and ICQ. (I'm playing xbox live but I check my pc when it makes a random noise)

[Kaylee]

Precisely- it's hard own business and she seems determined on taking short-term relationships with people who perhaps aren't as stable as you might consider sensible.

The best you could do is talk to her, but understanding she can and will run her own affairs. The last thing you want is to blow up at her and then she makes further (possibly) poor decisions based on spiting you.

The guy might be a perfectly nice chap, afterall.

If you're having difficulties, or feel you might be making things hard for her, then think about moving out. Being patient and tolerant is a great skill but it's not a reason imo to force yourself to be around people you dislike for extended periods.

[Predabot]

Thanls lads. You bring a bit of perspective on things. And yes Karl, it's very close to a move out now, it may be for the best for both of us.

I have talked to my sister (wich she obviously hadn't told jack) and she has said that mom apparently are thinking that it may be time for me to get my own place, since she's seeing her boo more now.

We'll see how things turn out.

I've talked to my sister for a lengthy perioud now, some 2 hours or so, and it got emotional, not just both of our feelings of betrayal because of the recent events, but a lot about our wacky family, and what we went trough growing up. I even cried a little.. or a lot. It felt good, I haven't really cried in almost ten years, I couldn't really, because of how my family situation was, with a corrupt abusive father-figure.

I'm glad I called her, because now I'm almost feeling a bit happy.

My sis said the she sure as h*ll wont be coming to this 'wedding'.

Don't really know for myself tho, I obviously don't acctually want to go, but I'm afraid how to tell mom that.

Peace lads.

[Darth Aux]

you're welcome and I'm glad you're feeling better now.

[Aaron Hong]

I'm reminded of the current story arc on Stone Soup.

[Kup_1]

Well....I dont know the whole situation, but....

Is he good to your mother?

Is she happy?

I'm currently seperating from my husband of 15 years, for reasons relating to this. He's not really a bad person, but...well, it doesn't matter.

Other than him being foreign. (?)..is there any reason that she shouldn't marry him?

[Predabot]

I'm reminded of the current story arc on Stone Soup.

Uhh.. what's that, Aaron? Never heard of.

Is he good to your mother?

Well, it appears mostly so, I don't really know that much about there activities, she mostly goes over to his place for lenghty periods. He's been getting increasingly jealous tho, apparently.

Is she happy?

I think so.

Other than him being foreign. (?)..is there any reason that she shouldn't marry him?

She's only known him for about 1.5 months...

[Aaron Hong]

I'm reminded of the current story arc on Stone Soup.

Uhh.. what's that, Aaron? Never heard of.

It's your generic newspaper comic. Holly's getting all riled up because her mom is dating this Phil, and one night Holly disappears, turns out she's talking to her dad. In front of his tombstone in the cemetery.

[Kup_1]

She's only known him for about 1.5 months...

Ohhhh! I see your point. That's waaaaay to early.

But, don't push her away. Sit down with her and tell her this in a calm manner, is at all possible.

If she's happy, and he's treating her nice, I don't see a reason for them not to be togrther, but, that's a bit early to even consider something like marriage.

[Predabot]

I know, and they're going to do it in like 2 weeks! Mom started telling people yesterday!

It really feels like both a shock and a betrayal, what's she thinking??

Last night I got a call from one of my friends who also happens to be a friend of moms, and got a scolding at first, because mom had apparently called him crying, "because I hadn't even congratulated her"!

I told him in various tones of my voice of my side of the story, and he came around. He's not really very glad about it either, he's apparently just doing a good show, wich is his style. (Maybe, just maybe, it was because I was in frickin' emotional shock that I couldn't say anything els?! )

I seriously hope you use more tact and tone, than my mom when you deal/dealt with similar issues. Kup1.

Guh... I would like to mobilise the family to stop this, but then I have to reveal it to them, and I think mom would like to tell them herself, on the other hand... she hadn't told her own daughter, late night yesterday... what to do? Hard to have a convincing talk with her when she's not home, and without the backing of the family.

[Kup_1]

I

I seriously hope you use more tact and tone, than my mom when you deal/dealt with similar issues. Kup1.

Yeah, easier said than done, I know.


If they're rushing into it so quickly...is there maybe something more going on that they havent told you?

It just sounds so odd......

[Predabot]

Well, I just heard from my sister that mom has told our common friend Robert, that apparently the groom doesn't have a permit to be in the country.

Waddaya know...

[Señior's Covenant]

Other than him being foreign. (?)..is there any reason that she shouldn't marry him?

She's only known him for about 1.5 months...

But this is the main reason yes? Nothing else, right? It seems awfully quick, yes, but maybe they're really into each other? My wife and I dated only half a year before getting engaged and married a couple to three months later (would have been sooner but it was the first slot open for where we wanted to get hitched). She spoke very little English, and I guess there are some that would say she still speaks 'bad english'. She wasn't exactly in the US properly but now her residency is in process.

I'm not understanding the entire situation I think. But considering I don't know first hand your relationship with your mother and this dude, that may be understandable. The age difference and suddeness of it all seems the biggest issues, and they are issues. Out of curiosity, if they get hitched, is this dude then set to be in the country legally by marriage?

[Metal Vendetta]

Sounds liker a green card thing to me...

[Kup_1]

Sounds liker a green card thing to me...

Yep. If thats the case....

Well, I dunno what to say.

[Predabot]

Out of curiosity, if they get hitched, is this dude then set to be in the country legally by marriage?

As far as I understand... YES.

My mom...is very, how shall I put it, trusting and blind when it comes to men.

Her ex, my former step-dad, who was abussive and an a$$, she met while things was going bad with my dad ( he had epilepsia and took medication wich gave side-effects, wich apparently he countered by drinking) , pretty soon moved in with him after he had died. ( I was about 3yrs dun' remember mucho)

She seems to want to hook up with someone no matter the cost as quick as possible. Further proven by her promiscous behaviour this year, ( she has gotten a somewhat rotten rep..) wich culminated into this.

I. AM. PISSED. NOW. THAT. I. SAID. THAT.

[Señior's Covenant]

Well, that's understandable then. Sorry to hear of it all Pred.

[Predabot]

Thank you for those kind words those years ago Senior. You were a right chap with a proper mind.

Things have changed in these more than 2 years... and it's turned out that it was most definitely the green card that he married my mother, and out of visciousness, criminal insanity and a distorted sense of "honor" and "tradition" that he's remained married to her.

He is from Pakistan as you all well know... and he is a scummer. He has hit my mother repeatedly, and he's cut her off from her family completely, crushing her into a several year long depression, and the only way he's keeping her is trough threats of violence towards me and other family-members, as well as trough guile, making it seem like we hate her, and of course the good ol' Stockholm-syndrome, since he has managed to isolate her from society and family.

He is a MUSLIM. Reading this old thread... is returning some memories to me, that contains such rage, that I think I may very well kill somebody one day. It's the only solution.

I cannot even look at a man from the middle-east or from Indo-asia anymore, without seeing his face and feeling an UTTER, UTTER animosity to that person.

Racism is PERSONAL. I've said it before and I'll say it again. It's f***ing true. The sad part is that one of my best friends is half-asian. Luckily he has some rather non-Paki features, so we've managed to stay friends.

I most definitely feel that each and every single culture from that area is stuck in the stone-age and their ways do no longer belong on the same bloody planet as the rest of us. Uncivilized mangy twits..

[Guest]

Despite your personal hatred for this guy, who is obviously the worst sort, it is an unwarranted attack on people from that part of the world, who include many members of our site.

Single most prejudiced comments made by you or anyone else on this site ever.

Not really the best idea for dragging up a thread that's been buried for nearly 2.5 years, either.

Topic locked!