Breaking News in Aruba

[jboyler]

This will probably make more sense to American users, but here goes:

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Aruban Police Suspect Other People May Need Help, Too.

Reuters - The search continues for missing teen Natalie Holloway, but Aruban police spokeperson Marie Croes admitted that officers have moved on to other concerns. In a recent press conference, she told reporters, "You have to understand that there are more than three people on our island, and therefore other crimes that need solving."

When asked if Aruban authorities had a message for the people of America, Croes stated, "A child is kidnapped every 40 seconds. You people have been obsessed with this for two months now. By our calculations, 140,400 children have been kidnapped since Ms. Holloway went missing. The American media could probably find a better use for their air time than focusing on this one individual."

This morning FBI director Robert Mueller offered an explanation. "You have to understand that while there 30,000 adults kidnapped annually, we can only actually look for one of them at a time. For example, a bride recently fled her wedding. It took the combined efforts of the FBI, NSA, CIA, and Army intelligence to figure out she took a bus to Albequerque. During this time, the other 840,000 missing persons were just screwed."

When asked about the 17,000 annual murders, Mueller just sort of stared blankly and shrugged.

In a statement from Washington, White House Spokesman Scott McClellan said, "The Aruban government has to understand that even though a murder committed every 32 minutes, they are probably all ugly black people. Ms. Holloway, on the other hand, is a cute young blonde, and therefore an international crisis."

He then added, "But we have heard that there's some kind of war in some stupid country, but we can't remember the details."

[Guest]

Reminds me of a recent NHS-based joke:

Definition of a Process: Input(s) -> Process -> Output(s).

Example of a Process: The NHS

Example Input(s): Breaks, Viral & Bacterial Infections, Cancers, Checkups, Visiting Relatives, Engineering Callouts, Technical Support, Nursing

Example Output(s): MRSA, Legionella


Hopefully, noone will read this, work out that I work for the NHS and get me sacked.

[Kup_1]

This will probably make more sense to American users, but here goes:

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Aruban Police Suspect Other People May Need Help, Too.

Reuters - The search continues for missing teen Natalie Holloway, but Aruban police spokeperson Marie Croes admitted that officers have moved on to other concerns. In a recent press conference, she told reporters, "You have to understand that there are more than three people on our island, and therefore other crimes that need solving."

When asked if Aruban authorities had a message for the people of America, Croes stated, "A child is kidnapped every 40 seconds. You people have been obsessed with this for two months now. By our calculations, 140,400 children have been kidnapped since Ms. Holloway went missing. The American media could probably find a better use for their air time than focusing on this one individual."

This morning FBI director Robert Mueller offered an explanation. "You have to understand that while there 30,000 adults kidnapped annually, we can only actually look for one of them at a time. For example, a bride recently fled her wedding. It took the combined efforts of the FBI, NSA, CIA, and Army intelligence to figure out she took a bus to Albequerque. During this time, the other 840,000 missing persons were just screwed."

When asked about the 17,000 annual murders, Mueller just sort of stared blankly and shrugged.

In a statement from Washington, White House Spokesman Scott McClellan said, "The Aruban government has to understand that even though a murder committed every 32 minutes, they are probably all ugly black people. Ms. Holloway, on the other hand, is a cute young blonde, and therefore an international crisis."

He then added, "But we have heard that there's some kind of war in some stupid country, but we can't remember the details."

Not funny, and yet...so true.

Scary, huh?