Women

Metal Vendetta · Post by **Metal Vendetta** » Tue Jul 12, 2005 12:55 pm

Bit of background story here.

Last night at 6 my girl got off work after working solidly in the pub since Thursday morning. I went to meet her, took her back to mine, cooked her a big meal and fell asleep on the sofa together watching Alexei Sayle. Lovely. All good.

I also got a call from a couple of friends who said they were coming out for a drink tomorrow night. They said they were going to Mrs. V's pub and as I was meeting her there after work anyway I said I would be along. Mrs. V says that's fine.

This morning I drop Mrs. V off at hers, come to work, do stuff. About half an hour ago I get a hysterical phone call from her telling me that I never include her in any of my plans and she doesn't know what she's supposed to do, she doesn't get much free time and when she does she'd rather spend it out of the pub where she works and she could have arranged to go out and see her friends but she'd much rather spend time with me except that she never knows what I'm doing etc. etc. etc.

So I email round the boys and tell them that I won't meet them at Mrs. V's pub because she wants to go out and do something else instead. I send her a text asking her what she wants to do tonight. She calls back saying "Why are you texting me, don't you want to talk to me or something?" then has another go at me for cancelling drinks with my mates on her behalf because that wasn't what she meant at all and she doesn't want me to change my plans, she just wants to be included in them (initially I was only going to her pub to meet her and spend time with her, but of course that's irrelevant). Amidst more tears and grief she tells me to email the lads and let them know that I will be meeting them after all.

Suicidally, at this point, I suggested out that it was the time of the month and that she was just being hormonal.

...And to think I cancelled going to see Louis XIV with one of my very close lady friends so I could spend some time with Sian on her night off. I've half a mind to say "[composite word including 'f*ck'] you all" and go to that instead.

Eline · Post by **Eline** » Tue Jul 12, 2005 2:22 pm

I am like that sometimes.

Had more or less the same last week...

It's a tendency to dramatize little things. Doesn't have to do anything with time of month; more with tiredness, stress, insecurity etc.

Sometimes you just lose perspective and cannot think rationally anymore.

Metal Vendetta · Post by **Metal Vendetta** » Tue Jul 12, 2005 2:29 pm

I know...it just gets frustrating for me because I have no real control over it:
I arrange to meet her after work. Wrong.
My friends decide to come and drink at her place. Wrong.
I call them and tell them that she doesn't want to drink there and that I'll take her out just the two of us. Wrong.
I send her a text asking what she wants to do. Wrong.
I say "I'll go to see Louis XIV with Lucy and you can call some of your friends if you want to see them". Wrong.
I offer to take her to the cinema. Wrong.
I offer to take her anywhere but her own pub. Wrong.

This is getting to be a bit of a relationship strain is all. Where's the fun?

Autobloke · Post by **Autobloke** » Tue Jul 12, 2005 2:41 pm

Megatron: "You failed to dispose of me when you had the chance (Starscream). Mistake number one."

Metal Vendetta wrote:Suicidally, at this point, I suggested out that it was the time of the month and that she was just being hormonal.

Megatron: "Mistake number two."

I can understand your lass not wanting to spend her free time at the place she works. Perhaps she can't just let things go back to normal without feeling like she's losing face afterwards though, and is difficult because she doesn't know how to say 'Okay, we're good now'.
Many's the time I could have made amends with people I'd fallen out with over some small sh*t, but them continued being a bit of an arse because I didn't want to seem like the weak one.

And if only you'd checked with her in the first place, eh?

Post by **Denyer** » Tue Jul 12, 2005 2:49 pm

Metal Vendetta wrote:I never include her in any of my plans and she doesn't know what she's supposed to do, she doesn't get much free time and when she does she'd rather spend it out of the pub where she works and // she could have arranged to go out and see her friends but she'd much rather spend time with me except that she never knows what I'm doing

Breaks down into two things (?):

1) "Okay, we'll meet at the pub and go on to somewhere else."

2) People often like plans having been laid for a while rather than spontaneity when busy, gives something to look forward to and scores communication points, etc.

Autobloke · Post by **Autobloke** » Tue Jul 12, 2005 2:56 pm

Autobloke wrote:And if only you'd checked with her in the first place, eh?

That's two...

Metal Vendetta · Post by **Metal Vendetta** » Tue Jul 12, 2005 3:11 pm

Yeah my communication's not the best, and my capacity for planning tends to get somewhat waylaid. These are faults of mine that I admit, but it's not like either of them is a new thing.

And, in my favour, the place where she works is also the place where she lives. Going round to see her after work was always my initial plan, and then my friends said they were coming over after work as well, both of which were fine with her last night. And this morning, when I dropped her off at Euston - it's only since she got home that she called me at work and got all emotional about it.

Granted, the "time of the month" thing wasn't the best thing to say, but this was all so completely out of the blue I couldn't think of another rational explanation. Plus I know it's biologically accurate.

...

Just got off the phone, things are better now. At least she's stopped crying and I can actually talk to her. I never thought going for a drink could cause so much heartache. I am seriously tempted by the single life again.

Autobloke · Post by **Autobloke** » Tue Jul 12, 2005 3:15 pm

You should arrange to take her out for a drink...

Metal Vendetta · Post by **Metal Vendetta** » Tue Jul 12, 2005 3:38 pm

Aha, things are looking up already. My friend Lucy just texted me saying she has 3 spare Louis XIV tickets and Mrs. V is well up for going. I think I'm saved. Hurrah!

I'm still not sure why we had to have all the wailing and gnashing of teeth first. Surely she could have sent a text saying "Let's go somewhere else tonight", though of course that would have been the logical and rational thing to do.

Autobloke · Post by **Autobloke** » Tue Jul 12, 2005 3:42 pm

Metal Vendetta wrote:Surely she could have sent a text saying "Let's go somewhere else tonight"

And then you could have said:

Metal Vendetta wrote:"Why are you texting me, don't you want to talk to me or something?"

Ah, the ebbs and flows of the relationship. Remember: 'ship happens.

angloconvoy · Post by **angloconvoy** » Tue Jul 12, 2005 11:17 pm

Metal Vendetta wrote: the logical and rational thing to do.

Or as its otherwise known, "the manly thing to do"

Post by **Denyer** » Wed Jul 13, 2005 1:05 am

Metal Vendetta wrote:friend Lucy just texted me saying she has 3 spare Louis XIV tickets and Mrs. V is well up for going.

Nice.

Eline · Post by **Eline** » Wed Jul 13, 2005 12:01 pm

Glad it all worked out. Hope you will have a fun time.

Metal Vendetta wrote:Suicidally, at this point, I suggested out that it was the time of the month and that she was just being hormonal.

That is NEVER a good idea. Even if it's true. Or, especially if it's true.

If I have my period and feel bad and say mean things, I don't want someone to say "oh it must be that time of the month, eh?". It's like you are not taking her seriously.

I also understand that you cannot be nice and sweet and loving all the time, 'specially when she's not. But a girl cannot be understanding at that time.

Complicated stuff, and completely irrational.

Señior's Covenant · Post by **Señior's Covenant** » Wed Jul 13, 2005 1:36 pm

Eline wrote:That is NEVER a good idea. Even if it's true. Or, especially if it's true.

Agreed. And agreed again.

Metal Vendetta · Post by **Metal Vendetta** » Wed Jul 13, 2005 2:42 pm

Well I just got back from hers and all is good again. Not too shabby

Homonal women frighten the bejeezus out of me though. Particularly when they happen to be going out with me as well.

Señior's Covenant · Post by **Señior's Covenant** » Wed Jul 13, 2005 2:44 pm

Metal Vendetta wrote:Homonal women frighten the bejeezus out of me though. Particularly when they happen to be going out with me as well.

And again... ...twice over.

Post by **spiderfrommars** » Wed Jul 13, 2005 3:20 pm

Metal Vendetta wrote:Lucy just texted me saying she has 3 spare Louis XIV tickets

I thought he was dead?

saysadie · Post by **saysadie** » Wed Jul 13, 2005 3:56 pm

I don't understand women, and I am one

Post by **Best First** » Wed Jul 13, 2005 5:45 pm

do you understand men?

it might be a cross humanity issue.

Autobloke · Post by **Autobloke** » Wed Jul 13, 2005 6:32 pm

Eline wrote:I have my period and feel bad and say mean things

And then it's off shoplifting. Weren't periods used as an excuse for nicking stuff once and the woman got away with it?

Eline wrote:But a girl cannot be understanding at that time.

My ex was apparently never affected during her 'decorating phase'. Unfortunately though, she was a moaning bitch during most of the non-period times.

sprunkner · Post by **sprunkner** » Wed Jul 13, 2005 6:57 pm

Ah hah... for some reason the 'post reply' button was taking me back to the forum index.

Glad to hear things are quiet and lovely with Sian. Hormonal women scare me, too. Luckily my woman is only hormonal some of the time. Sounds like (and seems like) Sian is that way, too.

I haven't found one good way to deal with the occasional insanity of relationships. Generally I go on a walk to cool down my own anger and confusion or I tell her straight up that she's acting strange. Then I ask if she's stressed out or sad. Then I play Captain Understanding until she feels better. Problem is, I'm not too good at Captain Understanding as she tends to be mad at me along with stressed/sad. So in comes some kind of anger-dealing mechanism, hence the walk.

My goodness, chile... I've got this down to a science. It's like cellular respiration with less steps.

Say hi to Sian for me, btw.

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