Significant Others

[Shanti418]

SUCK!

I just had an argument with my off and on g/f (we're currently not on technically, though we are sleeping together almost every night. ). It's been off and on for almost three years.

But this argument was bad, because I felt the anger of my father welling up in me. The anger that I never wanted to feel, especially to my significant other. Seeing him be that angry and that loud with my mother always steeled me against that kind of behavior towards women.

I would want to "break up" with her, if we were even going out. I love her, and as far as couples go, we're a solid 6.5-7 out of 10. But I don't know if a 9.5 is around the corner. Hell, I don't even want to be in a relationship. I'm 25, how much longer am I going to have fun really before I'm going to start REALLY looking for something serious.

But I feel like I'm scared. Scared of not having someone to cuddle with when the world is kicking my ass. Scared of saying goodbye to the one girl who has told me, "I love you," and never finding another one.

It just feels like in our relationship, we make the same mistakes, over and over again. And when we take a big break and then it starts up again, it's like we've pushed the rock up the hill a ways during the break, but once we start being together again, the rock just slowly rolls back down the hill, until we're right back where we were last time.




Hamburgers.

[Autobloke]

Are you two making the same mistakes? Can you lboth earn from them if you are? Who seems to be the troublemaker? Are there no other potential partners in your life? Being single isn't all that bad - I have a double bed to myself. Bliss. And I can fart in it without her moaning.

Hamburgers: Food for thought. And your tummy.
Chin up.

[Kup_1]

I just had an argument with my off and on g/f (we're currently not on technically, though we are sleeping together almost every night. Rolling Eyes ). It's been off and on for almost three years.

Well, m'dear. that means you are together. :-)

But, if you really want to make it work out, have you tried counseling?

And the fact that you know your anger is a bit much, and are willing to admit it, is actually a good thing. ;-)

[spiderfrommars]

Mate, sorry to hear about this.

One thing you need to remember is that someone else will always come along. At 25 you don't need to worry that you won't find someone else.

Sounds like you're not sure whether you want a relationship or not? Yep, you're young its the time to have fun if thats what you're after, but us blokes are needy and can't help wanting a bit of companionship too.

Some people just rub each other up the wrong way. You probably know best if the two of you are meant to be, but if you got so angry its not a good sign.






Hot dog.

[Brendocon]

But I feel like I'm scared. Scared of not having someone to cuddle with when the world is kicking my ass. Scared of saying goodbye to the one girl who has told me, "I love you," and never finding another one.

As others have said, sorry to hear this, but...

One of the worst possible reasons for sticking something out is being afraid of not having it. Staying with somebody just because you don't want to be alone sounds like a recipe for serious unhappiness down the line. Resentment manifesting towards the other, blah blah pseudo-psychological blah. Especially if the day comes when you realise you really can move on, but the result would risk devastating your partner.

Just my perspective, which you have every right to ignore.

Jumping Frog.

[Impactor returns 2.0]

I know just how you feel - and im emotionally knackered to try and help. sorry, all I an say right now is I know how you feel, but inside my heart and head is broken beyond the point of having the words that would help.

[Shanti418]

Thanks for the kind words and support, everyone.

We make some of the same mistakes. A lot of times we'll have the same arguments. Sometimes about the same things. Like I said, a lot of times, if I just step back, I can see us press each others buttons, often times not even knowing we're doing it.


It's not that I get so angry or I have trouble controlling my temper. Trust me, I'm the exact opposite of that in real life. As I mentioned before, I think the reason for this was because my father had such a horrible temper. So sometimes it comes out occasionallly in day to day life, but I can usually recognize it for such. As far as women go, because of the way my father acted towards women (in addition to being very verbally abusive to me and my mom growing up, calling me "fat" or "stupid" all the time), I have a hard time giving women any kind of trouble at all, because I believe in my subconcious, I'm going A)Don't be like your farther and B)You're just ugly and fat anyway, so you'd better be prepared to kiss some ass to get anything positive.

Brend: Totally understand your perspective. You see, the last time we had a "break", it was because of those very reasons that I broke up with her. You shouldn't go out with someone just b/c you're afraid of not having it. That lasted for about six months, where we were basically friends (okay, maybe we had sex like 3-4 times in those six months). Then, around the start of this year, I became exceedingly depressed: didn't like my job, tired of school, life sucks, not going anywhere, poor, friends all moved away, etc. And in my darkest hour, instead of opening the Creation Matrix, I decided to fall back on her support and love for me. I feel like since then, she is always pushing in very subtle ways to increase the level or intensity of our relationship. A lot of times I can feel this, and instead of saying something, I just push back against it by not calling her, or not giving her compliments, etc. Which gets her mad, and then we have a spat again.

Impy: Thanks for your words and support anyway, mate. I hope you can patch your heart and head up posthaste. If you need any glue or scotch tape, I'm here for ya.

[saysadie]

You're talking about this with us?

Dude, imo you should be talking about this with her. (Assuming you haven't already I mean).

It strikes me as pretty damn selfish to just walk away from someone who's been with you like that without at least making the attempt to talk and make something in it better. Rationalizing it away isn't going to save something that might possibly work.

Unless, of course, you've tried that/have been there before already (sounds like you have, but I don't know). In which case, it's pretty possible that yeah... that one's done. Sounds pretty un-nice from where I'm standing, I'll admit.

IMO from what you've written, anyway. Far be it from me to assess the worth of a relationship of two people I don't even know rl, yikes.