Post
by snarl » Wed Jun 15, 2005 1:56 pm
Benny: [to the three-breasted hooker] You make me wish I had three hands.
Douglas Quaid: If I am not me, den who da hell am I?
Douglas Quaid: I'll be back!
Lori: Doug. You wouldn't shoot me, would you sweetheart? Sweetheart, after all, we're married!
[Lori goes for her gun, Quaid shoots her]
Douglas Quaid: Consider that a divorce.
Benny: Ever ****** a mutant?
[Douglas Quaid seeing his real personality on the screen]
Douglas Quaid: Now get your ass to Mars.
Melina: It's been a while Hauser. Still bulging I see.
[grabs his crotch]
Melina: What have you been feeding this thing?
Douglas Quaid: Blondes.
Melina: I think it's still hungry.
Lori: No wonder you're having nightmares, you're always watching the news.
Lori: [Kicks Doug in the face] That's for making me come to Mars.
[Kicks his groin]
Lori: You know how much I hate this ********* planet!
Melina: Kuato's gonna make you remember some things when you were Hauser.
Douglas Quaid: Like what?
Melina: All sorts of things, like maybe you'll remember that you loved me.
Douglas Quaid: I don't need Kuato for that.
Melina: Since when?
Kuato: What do you want, Mr. Quaid?
Douglas Quaid: The same as you, to remember.
Kuato: But why?
Douglas Quaid: To be myself again.
Kuato: You are what you do. A man is defined by his actions, not his memory.
Richter: You have to make a decision, sir.
Vilos Cohaagen: Kill him.
Richter: It's about goddamn time.
Vilos Cohaagen: Don't touch that! get away, get back!
Douglas Quaid: What are you afraid of? Turn it on.
Vilos Cohaagen: Impossible! Once the reaction starts, it'll spread to all the turbinium in the planet. Mars will go into global meltdown. That's why the aliens never turned it on.
Douglas Quaid: And you expect me to believe you?
Vilos Cohaagen: Who gives a **** what you believe? In thirty seconds you'll be dead, and I'll blow this place up and be home in time for corn flakes. I didn't want it to end this way, I wanted Hauser back, but nooo, you had to be Quaid.
Douglas Quaid: I am Quaid.
Vilos Cohaagen: You're nothing, you're nobody, you're a stupid dream. Well, all dreams come to an end.
[last lines]
Melina: I can't believe it, it's like a dream. What's wrong?
Douglas Quaid: I just had a terrible thought: what if this is a dream?
Melina: Well then kiss me quick before you wake up.
Lori: Sorry, Doug. Your whole life was just a dream.
Douglas Quaid: See you at the party Richter!
Fat Lady: [slurred] Two weeks.
Douglas Quaid: Benny! Here!
Benny: WHERE THE [composite word including 'f*ck'] ARE YOU?
Douglas Quaid: [killing him with a large drill] SCREW YOU!
Douglas Quaid: Cohaagen, you got what you wanted; you must give those people air!
[Quaid enters a Johnnycab to escape from killers]
Johnnycab: Please state your destination.
Douglas Quaid: [absently] ****!
Johnnycab: I am not familiar with that destination!
[Quaid wakes up in a Johnnycab]
Douglas Quaid: Where am I?
Johnnycab: You're in a Johnnycab.
Douglas Quaid: What am I doing here?
Johnnycab: I'm sorry. Would you please rephrase the question?
Douglas Quaid: How did I get in this taxi?
Johnnycab: The door opened. You got in.
[the taxicab pulls up]
Johnnycab: The fare is 18 credits please.
[Quaid gets out]
Douglas Quaid: Sue me, dickhead.
Richter: I want that ************* dead!
Helm: I don't blame you, man. I wouldn't want a guy like Quaid porkin' my old lady.
Richter: You saying she likes it?
Helm: No, I'm sure she hated every minute of him.
Vilos Cohaagen: Richter, do you know why I'm such a happy person?
Richter: No, sir.
Vilos Cohaagen: It's because I have the greatest job in the solar system. As long as the Trebinium keeps flowing, I can do anything I want. ANYTHING. And I fear that if the rebels win, it all might end. AND YOU'RE ******* MAKING IT HAPPEN!
Vilos Cohaagen: Kuato wants what's in Quaid's head, and he may be able to get it because they say he's psychic. Do you think you could play along?
Richter: Yes, sir!
Vilos Cohaagen: Good, 'coz if you don't I'll erase your ass.
Lori: Those assholes at Rekall have ****** up your mind. You're having paranoid delusions.
[Quaid holds up his bloodied hands]
Douglas Quaid: You call this a delusion?
Melina: That was your wife?
[Quaid nods]
Melina: What a bitch!
Vilos Cohaagen: You see, Quaid, none of my people could get near Kuato. ******* mutants could always sniff us out. That's when Hauser and I sat down and invented you: Douglas Quaid, the perfect mole.
Douglas Quaid: You know you're lying. Hauser turned against you.
Vilos Cohaagen: No, Quaid. That's exactly what we wanted you to think. The truth is Hauser volunteered to become Doug Quaid, to have all his memories erased. It was the only way to fool the psychics.
Douglas Quaid: Get your story straight. That idiot over there, Richter, has been trying to kill me ever since I went to Rekall. You don't send your own men to kill a mole you're trying to plant.
Vilos Cohaagen: That's because Richter wasn't in on it. You set him off by going to Rekall.
Douglas Quaid: So, why am I still alive?
Vilos Cohaagen: We gave you lots of help. Benny here with his driving skills and wits... that man on Earth with the suitcase containing the money, the mask, the messages from Hauser. All of that was set up by us.
Douglas Quaid: ********! I still don't buy it. It's too perfect.
Vilos Cohaagen: Perfect my ass! You go to Rekall and pop your memory chip before we can activate you. Richter goes hog-wild and tries to kill you, bringing a lot of attention to us and ruining the plans I've spent a over year prepareing. To be perfectly honest, I'm amazed it worked!
Helm: Look at that ****!
Agent: The Martians love Kuato. They think he's ******' George Washington.
Helm: Kill the bastard!
Douglas Quaid: Excuse me, what's that?
Burly Miner: You mean the Pyramid Mine? I used to work there, until they found all that alien **** inside.
Douglas Quaid: Well it's a rumor isn't it?
Burly Miner: Ha, think so?
Benny: Hey man, I've got five kids to feed!
[Quaid hands him a wad of cash]
Douglas Quaid: Then take them to the dentist.
Vilos Cohaagen: Well my boy, you're a hero!
Douglas Quaid: [composite word including 'f*ck'] you.
Vilos Cohaagen: Now, now, don't be modest.
[Benny shoots George/Kuato]
Melina: How could you? You're a mutant.
Benny: I've got four kids to feed.
Douglas Quaid: So what happened to number five?
Benny: ****, man! You got me. I ain't even married. Now put your ******' hands in the air!
Harry: Hey Quaid, how was your trip to Mars?
Douglas Quaid: What trip?
Harry: You went on a trip to Mars, remember?
Douglas Quaid: I did?
Harry: Yeah you did. I told you not to but you went anyway.
Douglas Quaid: Ever heard of Rekall? They sell those fake memories.
Harry: Oh, "Rekall, Rekall, Rekall". Why? You thinking of going?
Douglas Quaid: I don't know, maybe.
Harry: Well don't. A friend of mine tried one their "special offers", nearly got himself lobotamised.
Douglas Quaid: No ****?
Harry: Don't [composite word including 'f*ck'] with your brain, pal. It ain't worth it.
Douglas Quaid: I guess not.
[Kuato is dying]
Kuato: Quaid, Quaid.
Benny: Forget it man, his fortune telling days are over.
Kuato: Start the reactor, free mars...
Tony: You've got a lot of nerve showing your face around here Hauser.
Quaid: Look who's talking.
Vilos Cohaagen: What the [composite word including 'f*ck'] is going on down there?
Richter: I'm trying to neutralize a traitor.
Vilos Cohaagen: If I wanted him dead, you moron, I wouldn't have dumped him on Earth.
Richter: We can't let him run around. He knows too much.
Cohaagen: Lori says he can't remember jack ****!
Richter: That's now. In an hour, he could have total recall.
Vilos Cohaagen: Listen to me, Richter, I want Quaid delivered alive for re-implantation. Have you got that? I want him back in place with Lori.
Technician: Sir, the oxygen level is bottoming out in Sector G. What do you want me to do about it?
Vilos Cohaagen: [as if obvious] Don't do anything.
Technician: But they won't last an hour, sir.
Vilos Cohaagen: [composite word including 'f*ck'] 'em. It'll be a good lesson to the others.
Vilos Cohaagen: [Cohaagen has Quaid strapped into a memory machine and is about to turn him back into Hauser] Relax, Quaid. You'll like being Hauser.
Douglas Quaid: The guy is a ******* asshole!
Vilos Cohaagen: Not true. He's one of my best friends. Besides, he's got a big house and a Mercedes. And you like Melina, don't you? Well, you'll get to [composite word including 'f*ck'] her every night. That's right, she's going to be Hauser's bitch.
Melina: [who is also strapped into a memory machine] ... I'll bite his balls off first.
Vilos Cohaagen: No, Princess. We're having you FIXED. You're gonna be respectful, compliant, and appreciative... the way a woman SHOULD be.
[She spits in his face]
Douglas Quaid: [old woman grabs briefcase left on sidewalk for Quaid] Excuse me, this is mine.
Woman in Phone Booth: [struggling with him] I don't see your name on it!
Douglas Quaid: I'm sorry, but I NEED it!
[rips it away from her, walks away]
Woman in Phone Booth: [composite word including 'f*ck'] YOU, YOU ASSHOLE!
[Quaid turns, bows]
Richter: But I thought...
Vilos Cohaagen: [interrupts] Who told you to THINK? I don't give you enough information to THINK! You obey, THAT'S what you do!
Douglas Quaid: [after fooling Richter and Company with the hologram-bracelet, Quaid reappears on the other side of the reactor-site... right in front of Cohaagen's guards] HA HA HA, you think this is the real Quaid...?
[They whirl to face nothing]
Douglas Quaid: ... IT IS!
[He blows them away]
Douglas Quaid: [as Hauser] Howdy, stranger! If things have gone wrong, I'm talking to myself, and YOU'VE got a wet towel wrapped around your head.
[Which Quaid, sure enough, has got]
Douglas Quaid: ... Get ready for a big surprise: *You* are not *you.* You're ME.
Douglas Quaid: ...No ****.
Dr. Lull: [after Quaid goes crazy at Rekall] Listen to me, he's been going on and on about Mars. He's really been there.
Bob McClane: Use your head, you dumb bitch! He's just acting out the secret agent portion of his Ego Trip.
Dr. Lull: I'm afraid that's not possible.
Bob McClane: Why not?
Dr. Lull: Because we haven't implanted it yet!
[first lines]
[Doug awakens from a nightmare]
Lori: Doug? Honey, are you all right?
Douglas Quaid: [nods]
Lori: You're dreaming. Doug? Was it about Mars?
Douglas Quaid: [nods]
Lori: [kisses him] Is that better?
Douglas Quaid: Hmm.
Lori: My poor baby. This is getting to be an obsession.
Douglas Quaid: What the hell is going on? what the [composite word including 'f*ck'] did i do wrong? Tell me!
Harry: You blabbed Quaid. You blabbed about Mars.
Douglas Quaid: Are you crazy? I don't know anything about Mars.
Harry: You should of listen to me Quaid. I was there to keep you out of trouble.
Douglas Quaid: Harry, you're making a big mistake. You got me mixed up with somebody else.
Harry: Uh Uh pal, you got yourself mixed up with
[Quaid kicks him in the chest]
Benny: Hey man, you need a cab?
Douglas Quaid: what's wrong with this one?
[Points to other cabbie]
Benny: He ain't got five kids to feed.
Douglas Quaid: Where's yours?
Benny: Right over there man.
[Takes Quaid with him]
Punk cabbie: Hey man, that's my fare. Hey, asshole, that's my fare.
Benny: Eat this!
[Gives him the finger]
Benny: I'm gonna drill you sucker!
Last edited by
snarl on Wed Jun 15, 2005 2:04 pm, edited 1 time in total.