Alcohol makes you smart.

[Obfleur]

One of the best things I've ever done was last new year, when I smeared dog poo all over my floor.

I was supposed to crash on my mates floor - but all of a sudden I got this great idea that I was gonna walk home - a walk that takes about one hour (I always walk home when I've been out drinking...). I was kinda ****** up because of the Tsunami crap and wanted to be alone.
So, off I go. It's five in the morning and it's dark.
It had been raining earlier - and being the smart man that I am, I walked through mud and god knows what.

When I finally get home and pull of my shoes I see a piece of mud on the floor.
Naturally I pull of my sock, get down on my knees and start wiping.
The stench hit me like a punch in the face. It was poo, not mud. I was smearing poo all over my floor with my sock. Oh yeah.
So, what did I do? I took my shoes and my sock and threw it in the bath tub.
Then I went to sleep.
The first thing I did when I woke up was call a cab. I fled the poo stinking apartment and hid at my mates house the entire day.

And I thanked the lord that I was single (imagine finding your boyfriend on his knees smearing poo all over the floor).

What kind of brilliant **** have you done when under the influence of alcohol (or other substances)?

[Aaron Hong]

And I thanked the lord that I was single (imagine finding your boyfriend on his knees smearing poo all over the floor).

Hang on. If he's just a boyfriend, then technically you're still single. You just cross out 'available'.

I don't drink, but Annie supposedly has some hen party stories she won't share...

[Metal Vendetta]

Oh dear.

Oh dearie dearie me.

Myself and a girl I was seeing both went out separately, and got very drunk. We agreed to meet at her place, when I got there she still wasn't home so I curled up in her porch and passed out. She woke me up when she got back, we had lots and lots of loud drunken sex and we both passed out.

I woke up the next morning on the couch, with one sock missing. With a hangover of Krakatoa proportions, I got up and picked my sock up off the floor. It was soaking wet. I sat down in the nearby computer chair and wiggled the mouse around, trying to bring up some relaxing music. No reponse. I hit the spacebar, to be greeted by a splash from within the depths of the keyboard.

Slowly but surely the truth of the matter dawned on me. I had got up in the night to take a leak. Being blind drunk and in an unfamiliar place I had failed to negotiate the four doors and two flights of stairs to the bathroom. Somehow I had got turned around and convinced that her brand new shiny Mac was, in fact, a lavatory.

Cue frantic hungover clean-up operation. Of course she woke up and came through and I had to tell her something about knocking over a glass of water (thankfully it was pretty dilute and didn't smell).

Had to buy a replacement keyboard...I was very lucky not to have been kicked out on my ear, though.

The shame, the shame...

[Brendocon]

Heh. Mac = Toilet. Oh, the jokes that can be made.

Hang on. If he's just a boyfriend, then technically you're still single. You just cross out 'available'.

Somebody's either single or spoken for. Not being married/engaged does not equate to being single.

[Impactor returns 2.0]

I was on acid once, out camping, and found a bag with chesse init, thought I would eat some, y delayed brain didnt realise it wasnt cheese and infact a fire-lighter untill it was in my mouth... I should have smelt the petrol long before!

[Metal Vendetta]

Heh. Mac = Toilet. Oh, the jokes that can be made.

Well, quite.

Scary thing is, the box was plugged in and operating at the time. Now that would have been an embarrassing way to go, electocuted through the weiner by a pissed-off Mac...

[Death's Head]

Oh dear.

Oh dearie dearie me.

Myself and a girl I was seeing both went out separately, and got very drunk. We agreed to meet at her place, when I got there she still wasn't home so I curled up in her porch and passed out. She woke me up when she got back, we had lots and lots of loud drunken sex and we both passed out.

I woke up the next morning on the couch, with one sock missing. With a hangover of Krakatoa proportions, I got up and picked my sock up off the floor. It was soaking wet. I sat down in the nearby computer chair and wiggled the mouse around, trying to bring up some relaxing music. No reponse. I hit the spacebar, to be greeted by a splash from within the depths of the keyboard.

Slowly but surely the truth of the matter dawned on me. I had got up in the night to take a leak. Being blind drunk and in an unfamiliar place I had failed to negotiate the four doors and two flights of stairs to the bathroom. Somehow I had got turned around and convinced that her brand new shiny Mac was, in fact, a lavatory.

Cue frantic hungover clean-up operation. Of course she woke up and came through and I had to tell her something about knocking over a glass of water (thankfully it was pretty dilute and didn't smell).

Had to buy a replacement keyboard...I was very lucky not to have been kicked out on my ear, though.

The shame, the shame...

I've done something very similar, except for girlfriend's house read 'mate's house' and for Mac read 'best mate's face'.

Could have been worse. I could have been the one being pissed on.

[Metal Vendetta]

It happens, apparently.

A few months later, me and a couple of friends were staying round this guy's house. First time I'd ever met him. Woke up in the night to the sound of running water, and caught one of my friends pissing in the kitchen bin.

Tequila, 'nuff said.

[Legion]

a pissed-off Mac

surely that should be a "pissed on" mac?

[IronHide]

Ummm, driving would be the obvious answer (yes I know, very dumb and something I don't plan on doing again.)

But the stupidest thing that got me in the most trouble would be shooting up my friends neighbors brand new RV with a paintball gun. I'm pretty sure we hit some people with it to, but i can't remember...

[Optimus Prime Rib]

Hung out with a friend and some friends of his one night:

drank a fifth of Jack "Animal House" style and then sat in a small, closed off room with 5 people and 3 blunts. Now let me point out that I have only smoked weed once. It was not this night. I got really drunk + inhaling alot of smoke.

woke up the next day in a pool of my own vomit, a mop resting against my head, and my shoes at the bottom of the steps to his apt. Apparently I stood up, tried to leave, was tackled on the landing in front of the steps and I took my shoes off and threw them to the bottom yelling "You might be able to stop me from leaving, but you cant stop my shoes!" and then vomited.. alot... a WHOLE lot.

Chris (the friend) informed me that he had already mopped the kitchen once before and I just wouldnt stop puking. So he just made sure I was on my side so as not to choke to death and he went to bed. So I was very unhappily mopping up vomit, covered in my own. Chris goes on to say "Yeah, Id let ya take a shower, but you have no clothes" good thing for me I used to always keep a change of clothes in my car. Unfortunately for me, it had rained that night and my shoes were now soaked.


But by god.. they made it.. they made it

[Darth Aux]

Alcohol, lots of. Very drunk and for the first time in a while I'm feeling extremely aggressive. D?on'y like getting like this but RAAGH
I'm glad I got home before it kicked in because work is **** (almost got myself banned Predabot stylee then) and was about to lety my bosses ( a holes) know how much a bunch of ????ers they really are. Luckily only my supervisor only got the brunt of it, and thankfully he mostly agrees with me.

alcohol hmm, rant over I guess. Sorry guys I'm p***ed

[Pissin' Poonani]

I've done the 'piss in stupid places and not remember it' many times. As far as I can tell, my subconcious makes me take the route from my bedroom to the bathroom at my old house, because it's a route that's been firmly ingrained into my mind over 20 odd years. So I inevitably end up pissing into a sink or up the side of a fish tank, because I believe I'm still in my childhood home.

Pissin' Poonani-he may be a ****, but even when drunk (as I am now) my spelling and grammar remain...average.

[Aaron Hong]

...
A few months later, me and a couple of friends were staying round this guy's house. First time I'd ever met him. Woke up in the night to the sound of running water, and caught one of my friends pissing in the kitchen bin....

I've nearly done this once ... and I was sober.

[Impactor returns 2.0]

my god I could fill this topic...

[Computron]

Last spring break I went to bar where some of my friends were doing a gig that night.

This bar is also famous for it's very cheap long island ice teas.

Suffice to say I had far too many of those in far too short a time span.

From what I remember I woke up the next morning wondering what had happened, and all I could recall was a nightmare about not being able to turn the shower off.

This is where my friend's filled in the rest of the night.

Being extremely drunk once said gig was over, I get back to my friend's house, (after vomiting in another friend's car), and decide to take a shower.

An hour and a half later the shower is still going because I couldn't figure out how to turn the damn thing off.

One of my friends had to venture into the bathroom, avert his eyes and shut the thing off for me.

Even better, I took the shower with my glasses on.

I didn't hear the end of this for a long while.