Footballers I saw in a club yesterday...

[snarl]

Robin Van persie: Came in with a man dressed from head to toe in leather, left soon, with said man. Looked shifty. Probably drove home on the M25 whilst pissed, causing him to crash his car, which he then ran away from. Allegedly.

Celestine Babayaro: I think he may be gay based on his actions and that of course is fine. Wouldn't talk to me, infact was quite rude so I took the piss a bit, using sarcasm: "Are you sure you're not Celestine Babayaro, because he's my favourite left back eeeeeeeeeeeeeeever"

Mark Bosnich: Basically I said to my mate Tim, "Ha, look at that old, fat, balding **** trying to get into the VIP area."

After he got in, Tim pointed out that said fat man was Mark Bosnich. He probably still thinks he's the best keeper in the game. A fine advert for not shoving nose candy into your nostrils.