Movie one-liners

Dylan · Post by **Dylan** » Mon Jan 24, 2005 6:33 pm

Tomorrow's my audition for Be a Moviestar. One of the things I'll have to do in my 5 minutes is to deliver my favorite movie one-liner. The thing is though, I forgot which one I wrote down on my registration form.

I'm sure it won't matter at all. I just need to have a cool one and do that line instead. Who knows, it might even be the same I originally picked.

Does anyone feel like sharing great movie one-liners that are actually cool to perform during an audition?

Thanks a bunch in advance!

Impactor returns 2.0 · Post by **Impactor returns 2.0** » Mon Jan 24, 2005 6:34 pm

S.Jacksons lil speach from Pulp Fiction - tricky.

Predabot · Post by **Predabot** » Mon Jan 24, 2005 7:37 pm

[dumb question wich one already knows answer to]Wich one? The one in the beginning wich is so darn famous, when he and Travolta/Vincent blows the head of of the treacherous drug-dealer? Or the one in the diner at the end to Honey-bunney and Pumpkin? [/dumb question]

Post by **Denyer** » Mon Jan 24, 2005 7:40 pm

I love the monologues in Fear And Loathing about Nixon and about the tide-mark... it'd be impressive to be able to remember them and deliver them with laidback confidence.

The one I now use day-to-day is Ron Perlman's excellent "Aww, crap."

Something smart from Fight Club?

"There can be only one."

"This time it was right, it would work, and no-one would have to be nailed to anything."

Dylan · Post by **Dylan** » Mon Jan 24, 2005 8:19 pm

Thanks for the suggestions, gents. I just ransacked a site and found these candidates, in random order. Note that some are way too long, obviously, and some are just included because they are fairly cool.

Have you ever danced with the devil in the pale moonlight?
Jack Napier, Batman

(This was actually the one I filled in on my form I think.)

There are four questions of value in life... What is sacred? Of what is the spirit made? What is worth living for, and what is worth dying for? The answer to each is the same. Only love.
Don Juan Demarco

I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.
When Harry Met Sally

The Greatest trick the devil ever pulled, was convincing the world he didn't exist.
The Usual Suspects

It's a hell of a thing killing a man... You take away all he's got, and all he's ever gonna' have.
Clint Eastwood, Unforgiven

We are the middle children of history, with no purpose or place. Our generation has had no Great Depression, no Great War. Our war is spiritual. Our depression is our lives.
Tyler Durden, "Fight Club"

This is your life and it's ending one minute at a time!
Tyler Durden, Fight Club

We've all been raised on television to believe that one day we'd all be millionaires and movie gods and rock stars. But we won't. We're slowly learning that fact. And we're very, very pissed off.
Fight Club

I've seen things you people wouldn't believe. Attacks ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I watched C-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhauser gate. All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain...

Time to die.
Roy Baty, "Bladerunner"

Because we don't know when we'll die, we get to think of life as an inexhaustible well, yet everything happens only a certain number of times, and a very small number, really. How many more times will you remember a certain afternoon of your childhood, some afternoon that's so deeply a part of your being that you can't even conceive of your life without it? Perhaps four or five more, perhaps not even that. How many more times will you watch the full moon rise? Perhaps twenty. And yet it all seems limitless.
The Sheltering Sky

It was one of those days when it's a minute away from snowing. And there's this electricity in the air, you can almost hear it right? And this bag was just... dancing with me... Like a little kid begging me to play with it. For fifteen minutes. That's the day I realized that there was this entire life behind things, and this incredibly benevolent force that wanted me to know there was no reason to be afraid, ever. Video's a poor excuse, I know. But it helps me remember... I need to remember. Sometimes there's so much beauty in the world I feel like I can't take it... and my heart is going to cave in.
American Beauty

It's hard to stay mad when there's so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel like I'm seeing it all at once and it's too much. My heart fills up like a balloon that's about to burst, and then I remember to relax and stop trying to hold on to it and it flows through me like rain and I can feel nothing but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid, little life. You have no idea what I'm talking about, I'm sure, but don't worry. You will someday."
Lester Burnham from American Beauty

Why shouldn't I work for the NSA? That's a tough one. But I'll take a shot. Say I'm workin' at the NSA and somebody puts a code on my desk, somethin' no one else can break. Maybe I take a shot at it and maybe I break it and I'm real happy with myself cause I did my job well, but maybe that code was the location of some rebel army in North Africa or the Middle East and once they have that location, they bomb the village where the rebels are hiding, fifteen hundred people I never met, never had no problem with get killed.

Now the politicains are sayin' "Oh send in the marines to secure the area, cause they don't give a ****, won't be their kid over there gettin' shot just like it wasn't them when their number got called cause they were all pullin' a tour in the National Guard. It'll be some kid from Southy over there takin' shrapnel in the ass. He comes back to find that the plant he used to work at, got exploited to the country he just got back from, and the guy that put the shrapnel in his ass got his old job cause he'll work for 15 cents a day and no bathroom breaks.

Meanwhile, he realises the only reason he was over there in the first place was so that we could install a government that would sell us oil at a good price, and ofcourse the oil companies use a little skirmish over there to scare up domestic oil prices, a cute little antilary benefit for them, but it ain't helpin' my buddy at 2.50 a gallon. Their takin' their sweet time bringin' the oil back, of course maybe they even took the liberty of hiring an alcoholic skipper who likes to drink martini's and ******' play slolum with the icebergs. It ain't to long til he hits one, spills the oil, and kills all the sea life in the North Atlantic... so now my buddy's out of work, he can't afford to drive, so he's walkin' to the ******' job interviews which sucks cause the shrapnel in his ass is givin' him cronic hemroids and meanwhile, he's starvin' cause everytime he tries to get a bite to eat the only blue plate special their serving is North Atlantic squad with Quaker State....

so what did I think? I'm holdin' out for somethin' better. I figure [composite word including 'f*ck'] it, while Im at it why not just shoot my buddy, take his job, give it to his sworn enemy, hike up gas prices, bomb a village, club a baby seal, hit the hash pipe, and join the National Guard. I could be elected President.
Matt Damon, Good Will Hunting

Post by **Denyer** » Mon Jan 24, 2005 8:44 pm

I reckon these are the best of your selection...

"The Greatest trick the devil ever pulled, was convincing the world he didn't exist."

"We've all been raised on television to believe that one day we'd all be millionaires and movie gods and rock stars. But we won't. We're slowly learning that fact. And we're very, very pissed off."

The second one is perfect for the piece, I think. Pro-active and feisty.

Dylan · Post by **Dylan** » Mon Jan 24, 2005 9:13 pm

Thanks for the input, Denyer. I would most definitely agree with you, were it not for the fact that the monologue I had to prepare is also fairly energetic, if not aggressive.

So to balance things out a bit, I'm actually considering the romantic line, from When Harry met Sally, even though I never saw the movie, nor like the two actors in question. :/

Still open for debate though!

edit: and practically speaking, does a one-liner have to be one line? O_o

Post by **Denyer** » Mon Jan 24, 2005 9:45 pm

You should be able to get it out in a couple of breaths to qualify as a one-liner, I think.

There's a Four Weddings one I've always liked:
"As John Lennon said, who died the same year as my dad: Love is the answer, and you know that for sure."

Or this partial one:
"Onto the Hollywood freeway, straight into frantic oblivion. Safety... obscurity... just another freak, in the freak kingdom."

sidestreaker · Post by **sidestreaker** » Mon Jan 24, 2005 10:20 pm

devil´s advocate

John Milton: Don't get too cocky my boy. No matter how good you are don't ever let them see you coming. That's the gaffe my friend. You gotta keep yourself small. Innocuous. Be the little guy. You know, the nerd... the leper... ****-kickin' surfer. Look at me.
[stops and pauses]
John Milton: Underestimated from day one. You'd never think I was a master of the universe, now would ya?

John Milton: There's this beautiful girl just ****** me forty ways from Sunday... we're done, she's walking to the bathroom, she's trying to walk, she turns... she looks... it's me. Not the Trojan army just ****** her. Little ol' me. She gets this look on her face like: "How the hell did that happen?"

once upon a time in the west

Cheyenne: You know, Jill, you remind me of my mother. She was the biggest whore in Alameda and the finest woman that ever lived. Whoever my father was, for an hour or for a month - he must have been a happy man.

magnificent seven

Vin: You know - I've been in some towns where the girls weren't all that pretty. In fact I've been in some towns where they're downright ugly. But it's the first time I've been in a town where there are no girls at all, 'cept little ones. You know if we're not careful we could have quite a social life here.

Vin: Reminds me of that fellow back home that fell off a ten story building.
Chris: What about him?
Vin: Well, as he was falling people on each floor kept hearing him say, "So far, so good." Tch... So far, so good!

guns of navarone
Squadron Leader Howard Barnsby RAAF: Look, sir. First, you've got that ruddy old fortress on top of that ruddy cliff. Then you've got the ruddy fortress inside the cliff. You can't even see the ruddy cave, let alone the ruddy guns. And even if we could, sir, we haven't got a ruddy bomb big enough to smash that ruddy rock. And that's the ruddy truth.

north by northwest
Roger Thornhill: Now you listen to me, I'm an advertising man, not a red herring. I've got a job, a secretary, a mother, two ex-wives and several bartenders that depend upon me, and I don't intend to disappoint them all by getting myself "slightly" killed.

fist full of dollars

Joe: I don't think it's nice, you laughin'. You see, my mule don't like people laughing. He gets the crazy idea you're laughin' at him. Now if you apologize, like I know you're going to, I might convince him that you really didn't mean it.

matrix

Agent Smith: I'd like to share a revelation that I've had during my time here. It came to me when I tried to classify your species. I realized that you're not actually mammals. Every mammal on this planet instinctively develops a natural equilibrium with the surrounding environment, but you humans do not. You move to an area, and you multiply, and multiply, until every natural resource is consumed. The only way you can survive is to spread to another area. There is another organism on this planet that follows the same pattern. A virus. Human beings are a disease, a cancer of this planet, you are a plague, and we are the cure.

good luck

Metal Vendetta · Post by **Metal Vendetta** » Tue Jan 25, 2005 12:15 am

"Remember, short, controlled bursts!"

"Come with me if you want to live!"

"Aren't you a little short for a stormtrooper?"

"I have a bad feeling about this..."

...I have more, I'm just drunk. Again.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Jan 25, 2005 12:22 am

Have you ever heard of insect politics? Neither have I. Insects... don't have politics. They're very... brutal. No compassion, no compromise. We can't trust the insect. I'd like to become the first... insect politician.

Seth Brundle, The Fly

I would've posted the one about Einstein and wearing clothes that look the same every day, but I can't find it anywhere.

Metal Vendetta · Post by **Metal Vendetta** » Tue Jan 25, 2005 12:39 am

"I've got better things to do tonight than die!"

"This is it, Jennifer, your big break in TV! Welcome to prime time, bitch!"

"Oh, it's unbearable isn't it? The suffering of strangers, the agony of friends. There's a secret song at the centre of the world, Joey, and it's sound is like razors through flesh!"

"Your mother ate my dog!"

"In a world exclusive interview, thirty three year old shot putter Jeff Wode, who weighs three hundred and seventeen pounds, admitted taking massive doses of anabolic steroids, drugs banned in sport. 'He used to get in bad tempers and act daft' said his wife. 'He used to pick on me. But now he's stopped, he's much better in our sex life and in our general life'.
Jesus Christ, this huge, thatched head with its earlobes and cannonball is now considered sane. Jeff Wode is feeling better and is now prepared to step back into society and start tossing his orb about.
Look at him. Look at Jeff Wode. His head must weigh fifty pounds on its own. Imagine the size of his balls. Imagine getting into a fight with the ******!"

"No need to get uptight man. I was merely making an observation. I happened to be looking for a suit for the coal man two weeks ago. For reasons I can't really discuss with you the coal man had to go to Jamaica. Got busted coming back through Heathrow, had the weight under his fez. We wored out that it would be handy karma for him to get hold of a suit but he's a very low temperature spade, the coal man, went into court wearing a kaftan and a bell. This doesn't go down at all well. They can handle the kaftan but they can't handle the bell. So there's this judge sitting there sitting in a cape like ******* batman with this really rather far out looking hat."
"A wig."
"No man, this was more like a long white hat. So he looks at the coalman and says 'what's all this. This is a court man. This ain't fancy dress' and the coal man looks at him and says 'you think you look normal, your honour?' **** give him two years."

Or indeed most of the lines from Withnail & I, the script is hosted here:

http://dillonstars.hilken.co.uk/reedall ... script.htm

Eline · Post by **Eline** » Tue Jan 25, 2005 7:47 am

maybe a Dutch oneliner?

Obfleur · Post by **Obfleur** » Tue Jan 25, 2005 8:14 am

Twin Peaks.

(this one really has a 'Dylan feeling' over it)
Albert Rosenfield "Now you listen to me. While I will admit to a certain cynicism, the fact is I am a naysayer and hatchetman in the fight against violence. I pride myself on taking a punch and I'll gladly take another because I choose to live my life in the company of Gandhi and King. My concerns are global. I reject absolutely pride, aggression, and retaliation. The foundation of such a method is love. I love you Sheriff Truman."

Team America: World Police.

(I'd love to see Dylan do this one)
Chris "If you betray us, I'll rip your ******* balls off and stuff them up your ass. So the next time you ****, you'll **** all over your balls."

Monty Python and the holy grail.

Dennis "Oh, king eh? Very nice. And how'd you get that, eh? By exploiting the workers. By hanging on to outdated imperialist dogma which perpetuates the economic and social differences in our society."

Oh well, your auditon's today - good luck!

Dylan · Post by **Dylan** » Tue Jan 25, 2005 8:47 am

Heheh, some of those are really lovely, and oh so suitable for prime time television.

The role I'm auditioning for is in an international picture, therefore the winning actor has to be able to speak English. Might as well use this opportunity to show the jury I could probably manage that.

Alright, I'll be gone in less than an hour, wish me luck, everyone!

Predabot · Post by **Predabot** » Tue Jan 25, 2005 9:16 am

Good luck Dylan.

I would have taken that Fight CLub line wich goes a bit like this: "You are not the money you make, you are not the sh*t you own, you are the singing, dancing crap of the world!!!" YOu know, when he goes completely bonkers while yelling into a megaphone.

Eline · Post by **Eline** » Tue Jan 25, 2005 9:27 am

Good luck!

Dark Link · Post by **Dark Link** » Wed Jan 26, 2005 6:47 am

"I immediately regret this decision" - Ron Burgandy Anchorman.

wideload · Post by **wideload** » Thu Jan 27, 2005 1:13 am

"I like you Clarence (snaps). Always have." Val kilmer as Elvis. True Romance

Redstreak · Post by **Redstreak** » Thu Jan 27, 2005 4:14 am

I have two:

"You stood up to be counted with the enemy of everything the grail stands for, who gives a DAMN what you think?" Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, Indy to Dr. Schneider.

"Tell someone you're the Metatron and they stare at you blankly. Mention something from a Charlton Heston movie, and suddenly everybody's a theology scholar! Can I continue uninterrupted, please?" Dogma, the Metatron to Bethany.

Good luck!

Optimus Prime Rib · Post by **Optimus Prime Rib** » Thu Jan 27, 2005 4:19 am

Now, dicks have drive and clarity of vision, but they are not clever. They smell pussy and they want a piece of the action. And you thought you smelled some good old pussy, and have brought your two small mincey faggot balls along for a good old time. But you've got your parties mangled up. There's no pussy here, just a dose that'll make you wish you were born a woman. Like a prick, you are having second thoughts. You are shrinking, and your two little balls are shrinking with ya. The fact that you've got "Replica" written down the side of your gun. (withdraws his gun) And the fact that I've got "Desert Eagle point five O" written on the side of mine, should precipitate your balls into shrinking, along with your presence. Now... [composite word including 'f*ck'] off.

Bullet Tooth Tony, Snatch

IronHide · Post by **IronHide** » Thu Jan 27, 2005 6:44 am

"I'm a man who discovered the wheel and built the Eiffel Tower out of metal and brawn. That's what kinda man I am. You're just a woman with a small brain, with a brain a 1/3 the size of us. It's science." - Anchorman

Post by **spiderfrommars** » Thu Jan 27, 2005 9:19 am

"Japanese submarine slammed two torpedoes into our side, Chief. We was comin' back from the island of Tinian t'Leyte, we'd just delivered the bomb. The Hiroshima bomb. Eleven hundred men went into the water. Vessel went down in twelve minutes. Didn't see the first shark for about a half hour. Tiger. Thirteen footer. You know how you know that in the water, Chief? You can tell by lookin' from the dorsal to the tail. What we didn't know, was that our bomb mission was so secret, no distress signal had been sent. They didn't even list us overdue for a week. Very first light, Chief, sharks come cruisin', so we formed ourselves into tight groups. It was sorta like you see in the calendars, you know the squares in the old calendars like the Battle o' Waterloo and the idea was the shark come to the nearest man, that man he starts poundin' and hollerin' and sometimes that shark he go away... but sometimes he wouldn't go away. Sometimes that shark looks right at ya. Right into your eyes. And the thing about a shark is he's got lifeless eyes. Black eyes. Like a doll's eyes. When he comes at ya, he doesn't even seem to be livin'... 'til he bites ya, and those black eyes roll over white and then... ah then you hear that terrible high-pitched screamin'. The ocean turns red, and despite all your poundin' and your hollerin' those sharks come in and... they rip you to pieces. You know by the end of that first dawn, lost a hundred men. I don't know how many sharks, maybe a thousand. I do know how many men, they averaged six an hour. Thursday mornin', Chief, I bumped into a friend of mine, Herbie Robinson from Cleveland. Baseball player. Boson's mate. I thought he was asleep, Reached over to wake him up. He bobbed up, down in the water, he was like a kinda top. Upended. Well, he'd been bitten in half below the waist. Noon the fifth day a Lockheed Ventura swung in low and he spotted us, a young pilot, lot younger than Mr. Hooper here, anyway he spotted us and a few hours later a big ol' fat PBY come down and start to pick us up. You know that was the time I was most frightened? Waitin' for my turn. I'll never put on a lifejacket again. So, eleven hundred men went into the water. Three hundred and sixteen men come out, the sharks took the rest, June the twenty-ninth, nineteen-forty five. Anyway, we delivered the bomb."

Quint, Jaws.

Not exactly a one-liner though.

Dylan · Post by **Dylan** » Thu Jan 27, 2005 11:49 am

Please feel free to continue quoting one-liners.

For those interested - I didn't make it to the next round.

Optimus Prime Rib · Post by **Optimus Prime Rib** » Thu Jan 27, 2005 1:20 pm

sucks that you didnt make it dylan