She's kina fine, but I feel like a tosser

angloconvoy · Post by **angloconvoy** » Sun Jan 23, 2005 3:32 am

I know besty knows how I fell, and I'm sure many of the rest of you do too. I've been single since the last one broke my heart and am only just getting back in the game. Thing is, I'm stil having trouble on the approach. What to say? Whatever I can think of makes me sound like a total tit. Hmmm, what was it I used to do? If I could remember that I'd be ok. I guess its just a case of rebuilding confidence. Ah well, maybe next time, eh?

Optimus Prime Rib · Post by **Optimus Prime Rib** » Sun Jan 23, 2005 3:33 am

Be confident, not cocky.. too many people confuse the two

angloconvoy · Post by **angloconvoy** » Sun Jan 23, 2005 4:45 am

True enough, but its more a thing about approahing strangers with, well, not a line, but an in. I used to have very little trouble with it, but I seem to have lost it since my last relationship. Bit pathetic I know, but I guess that's what love can do to a guy. Still, its time to move on, and I have to get back in the saddle, so to speak. hrm.

Post by **snarl** » Sun Jan 23, 2005 11:19 am

Once you make eye contact, think about something funny that happened to you recently. Bang, you're happy and relaxed and smiling. Touch wood you wont think about thinking about an opening line and will be happy to just chat and act natually.

WAAAAAA-HOOOOOH!

Club mix.

Club Mix.

Dylan · Post by **Dylan** » Sun Jan 23, 2005 11:35 am

From a purely practical point of view - you'll probably learn to deal with inconfidence and anxiety if you just continue to talk to people, including girls. Things aren't quite as freightening as they seem once you've been in those situations a couple of times.

You could of course also talk to a girl and be utterly convinced of the fact that it would never work out between the two of you anyway. Then there's room to be just friends, and perhaps later on room to become very good friends. A lot is based on trust, and you need to build that up over a period of time.

All that said, sometimes you have to take a chance. Be sincere, even if it means risking getting your heart broken again. I'm not suggesting you should go out and let yourself be hurt, but you can't live a life of fear either. Sometimes strong emotions are needed to make us realise certain facts about life and about ourselves, and move us forward.

angloconvoy · Post by **angloconvoy** » Sun Jan 23, 2005 12:46 pm

And that folks, is one of the many dangers of late night drunken intarweb use. And after this post, I'm going to go check just what I wrote in my blog. Its all a bit hazy between buying the fried chicken at about 3 am and throwing it up at about 9.

All good points though. I think it doesn't help if you're out with certain goups of friends to begin with, i.e. the sort that will take the piss if you're blown out. You guys are right though, its just about reaxing and going for it, which I really did have no problem with this time last year. I think the last girlfriend just knocked my confidence a bit much and I need to get back into that old frame of mind.

saysadie · Post by **saysadie** » Tue Jan 25, 2005 6:29 am

Go Anglo! Git on up that hoss and ride, etc...

Confidence blows. Oh, I mean... yeah, your confidence probably just needs to get back on up there. Don't worry too much about what others think, it only holds you back man. Like a lot of things, failure is only as big as you make it... making the attempt is the important thing.

Good luck!

Impactor returns 2.0 · Post by **Impactor returns 2.0** » Tue Jan 25, 2005 10:46 am

the old saying of 'act natural' ... which is odd, because you dont act natural, you are natural by deffinition. - hard to do I know.
Generally, im a right flirt, and get away with it. yet theres this one girl, who for about 2 years now, everytime I see her, wham, dry lips, cant think of one witty line, anything, it all gos to pot. and she bloody knows it, playing lil mynx... saying that xmass eve i was top in form and she couldnt take her arms off me.

angloconvoy · Post by **angloconvoy** » Tue Jan 25, 2005 12:09 pm

That's another thing, I'm flirty as hell once I get talking to people, but its the "approaching some stranger that I fancy" bit that I feel like a bit of a nonce on. Cos you have to say something, otherwise you just look like a letcherous stalker, but if its not the right something, they tend to think you're a bit of a psycho anyway.

I'm liking sadies advice, get back up on them hoes and ride...that was what you meant right?

Oh and that thing with the one girl and the dry lips and lack of anything to say? Been there, but I even managed to overcome that one and she turned out to be the aforementioned last girlfriend. I know I've got it in me, but this is what I always did like about general discussions, its a nice forum to have a slightly self-indulgent whine once in a while, without getting slagged off for it.

Its annoying, cos I'm confident in pretty much every other aspect of my life. But then, I do blow my failures out of proportion, so that don't help. And in other news, my blog from that night was surprisingly coherent, if not particularly well written.

Post by **Best First** » Tue Jan 25, 2005 1:15 pm

yeah - i suck at approaching people - it feels os fake;

"Hi! Trite comment, fancy making sex?"

meh.

My matehas a theory that the best way to meet people is through friends, as you te nd to end up in more natural circumstances - the problem with approaching people in nigtclubs and bars is you never act natural really as everyone is, in the language of the ghetto, fronting. bitch.

I spent sunday afternoon with a couple of my mates, and some girls from one of their offices. It was realy nice to be able to just chat in a more normal fashion with some attractive women without feeling any particular pressure or deadline and next day i felt just a tiny bit more hopeful about life in general.

I think the other thing is - don't go out to pull, go out to have a good time with your mates and just let stuff happen. That way if you don't pull the night isn't a failure some how, cos you still had a good time with yoru friends.

meh - i'm probably talking ****.

good luck. and to me too.

angloconvoy · Post by **angloconvoy** » Tue Jan 25, 2005 2:13 pm

Thing is, I did have a good night, since I was just hanging out with mates. I just saw someone I fancied, and well, meh.

And as far as meeting trough friends goes, most of my friends are of that age where most people they know are hooked up, and I've pretty much exhausted the supply of attractive single females that way (I'm not bragging, there really weren't many to begin with).

Then again, maybe actualy going out on the pull would be a good way to get past it. Make a total arse out of yourself all night, get some spectacular and maybe even slightly violent rejections, and maybe if you're lucky, find an interested party. That way, it would be easier to approach someone naturally. Maybe I could literally say "Hi! Trite comment, fancy making sex?" and see if anyone appreciated the honesty, or even understood.

Brendocon · Post by **Brendocon** » Tue Jan 25, 2005 2:15 pm

Best First wrote:meh - i'm probably talking ****.

In a break from the norm, you're not.

A friend of mine was recently on the end of the following "opening gambit." Straight-up, genuine, as I was sat next to her at the time. The guy was off his face and it surprised me that he could even string these words together...

"You're lovely. I've got a spot, can you see it? You're lovely. Can I eat you out?"

Unsurprisingly, he didn't get anywhere.

Thought it was worth sharing, as amusing anecdotes on the subject go.

Post by **Best First** » Tue Jan 25, 2005 2:17 pm

angloconvoy wrote: Maybe I could literally say "Hi! Trite comment, fancy making sex?" and see if anyone appreciated the honesty, or even understood.

There may some dark genius in that idea...

angloconvoy · Post by **angloconvoy** » Tue Jan 25, 2005 2:24 pm

Next time we all go for a drink, we should give that one a go...

You're lovely, cn I eat you out? Strangely, I reckon if you asked every single girl in a club that you'd probably get somewhere.

Post by **snarl** » Tue Jan 25, 2005 10:44 pm

Well, it has a lot to do with delivery doesn't it?

A crap comic is often a comic with very poor delivery, would you not agree?

I've had success before with the line 'excuse me, you have absolutely amazing breasts', said matter of factly to a girl I tapped whilst walking past me. It's not the thing I usually do, but I was relaxing with mates and literally saw this girl and just thought of it straight away so probably came across with a fair bit of cocky confidence. I didn't plan on saying anything quick, but the fact that I had no time to convince myself that I would get tolf to eff off helped. but that's all frame of mind rubbish, I have learned this from many art books as it happens.

For the benefit of For Ben and Paulo, this was on a night out with Betsy's best mate from my uni mates Mark 'Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon is **** + I dont wank off to porn' Andrews.

Oh the fun we had that night.

Said amazing breast girl had a complete arse for a friend though, so it didn't go very far, the point is though that she was literally dragged away but was very interested and believe it or not flattered - I suppose she could have been a prostitute though. I was having much fun with my mates - I infact got to revel in the situation like it was everyday occurence and that I didn't care. Secretly I would have nailed that girl to a wall.

I guess different things work for different people, just find your niche and dont be afraid. If you think you will sound a dick, consider that you talk like you talk everyday without mickey taking... Unles you're Jonathon Ross. Actually, that's perfect, he talks like a div but has major game! Personally I find playful comedy acting, which I do pretty well imosho, mixed with a bit of brash charm does well. I cant always get in the frame of mind to do it though, which is very frustrating. I suspect like many people I'll have nights of real form and other nights of absolute ****. At the end of the day, nobody likes getting rejected but people just have to recognise at a conscious level that the fear of rejection is worse then the actual event. But yes, go out to have fun with your mates, if you're having fun you'll look more attractive anyway then just some nobhead stalker trying to get some action.

Post by **snarl** » Tue Jan 25, 2005 10:47 pm

At the end of the day, it always helps if youve recently seen a gif of a man that looks like Ron Jeremy kicking a granny in the head, so:

angloconvoy · Post by **angloconvoy** » Wed Jan 26, 2005 12:58 am

Yay, now I have a recent funny thing!
I've saved that pic on my puter, and may see if it goes on my phone.

Incidentally, when are we all going for beers again?

Optimus Prime Rib · Post by **Optimus Prime Rib** » Wed Jan 26, 2005 1:01 am

I want beer

saysadie · Post by **saysadie** » Wed Jan 26, 2005 7:03 am

angloconvoy wrote:I'm liking sadies advice, get back up on them hoes and ride...that was what you meant right?

Y'wanna see it that way, go right ahead.

Best First wrote:don't go out to pull, go out to have a good time with your mates and just let stuff happen. That way if you don't pull the night isn't a failure some how, cos you still had a good time with yoru friends.

That sounds like sound advice.

But what Snarlos said is true, too... I guess it depends on situation. Clubs are different from your typical night out, though ('round here they are anyway)... more people go to 'em for the specific purpose of pulling, trying to figure out who's out for what is the fun part.

Best First wrote:My matehas a theory that the best way to meet people is through friends, as you te nd to end up in more natural circumstances - the problem with approaching people in nigtclubs and bars is you never act natural really as everyone is, in the language of the ghetto, fronting.

Yeah, I'd agree. But I think everyone fronts a little at first, no matter what... I've yet to meet anyone who was genuine immeadiately, anyway (kinda annoys me, tbh... someone genuine, unattached and unafraid to be themselves would be such a breath of fresh air. But then, I'm not so perfectly confident as to go "this is me, like it or not" straight from the getgo sometimes either). The only guy I can think of who ever really was genuine from the getgo is currently in the process of "renouncing his wild and woolly ways" and becoming a born-again Christian.

Geh, but to each their own.

snarl wrote:At the end of the day, nobody likes getting rejected but people just have to recognise at a conscious level that the fear of rejection is worse then the actual event.

Right on.

And the granny.gif rocks too.

Post by **Best First** » Wed Jan 26, 2005 9:33 am

snarl wrote: For the benefit of For Ben and Paulo, this was on a night out with Betsy's best mate from my uni mates Mark 'Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon is **** + I dont wank off to porn' Andrews.

"Yeah, but the thing about Science is... its bollocks, innit?"

i'm still laughing at that one.

TransFans.co.uk

She's kina fine, but I feel like a tosser

ooh me po' noggin