GREAT QUESTIONS OF OUR TIME!

Impactor returns 2.0 · Post by **Impactor returns 2.0** » Wed Jan 19, 2005 11:24 pm

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?

Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough?

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?

Why do they use sterilised needles for death by lethal injection?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?

What is the speed of darkness?

Are there specially reserved parking spaces for "normal" people at the Special Olympics?

If you send someone 'Styrofoam', how do you pack it?

If the temperature is zero outside today and it's going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?

If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?

If it's true that we are here to help others, what are the others doing here?

Do married people live longer than single ones, or does it only seem longer?

If someone with a split personality threatens to commit suicide, is it a hostage situation?

Can you cry under water?

What level of importance must a person have, before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches?

Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

How is it that we put a man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on bigger suitcases ?

Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up, like, every two hours?

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

Why do doctors, when they ask you to strip, leave the room or close the cubicle curtain while you change? ..... They're still going to see you naked anyway

Dylan · Post by **Dylan** » Wed Jan 19, 2005 11:30 pm

Ah, the return of Impy's annual list of things that speak for themselves.

Rebis is so going to ace this one.

Impactor returns 2.0 · Post by **Impactor returns 2.0** » Wed Jan 19, 2005 11:36 pm

I have to say, I didnt make them up, just got them in an e-mail

Ultimate Weapon · Post by **Ultimate Weapon** » Wed Jan 19, 2005 11:50 pm

Before Rebis gets in, the one that intrigued me the most was the speed of darkness. The dark matter that we see in the universe perhaps may be alternate universes. Since light is seen bending towards such areas in space.

World-renowned physicist, Dr. Michio Kaku, discussed in his newest book Parallel Worlds, which presents what today's trailblazing cosmologists know about the nature of the universe, including its age, its composition, and perhaps even its eventual death.

Hypothesizing about the existence of parallel universes, Kaku said there could be millions of different universes, some that look like our own, but completely invisible to us. "We are prisoners of our sheet of paper (universe)," Kaku explained, while noting that gravity, unlike light and matter, could travel between parallel universes. Since gravity theoretically exists in all parallel worlds, Kaku said we should be able to detect "shadow" matter in these dimensions. A good exxample of this is the book by HG wells, The Invisible Man. Wells creates a scenario where a man leaps into the 4th dimension thus becoming invisible to our 3-d retinal scanners.

Kaku speculated that parallel universes would allow a sufficiently advanced civilization to escape the death of our universe trillions of years from now. According to Kaku, such a technologically advanced society would be able to "boil space" to create wormhole escape gateways into parallel universes, where they could send DNA-carrying nanobots to recreate their race. Kaku also detailed the civilization types, and discussed global climate change. The boiling of space to rip it open is only attanined in the trillion centigrade measurement of tempreature.

Tired Tracks · Post by **Tired Tracks** » Wed Jan 19, 2005 11:53 pm

One's missing so I'll just add it to your list:

"Another 4 years?"

Impactor returns 2.0 · Post by **Impactor returns 2.0** » Wed Jan 19, 2005 11:57 pm

Tired Tracks wrote:One's missing so I'll just add it to your list:

"Another 4 years?"

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Thu Jan 20, 2005 12:18 am

Ultimate Weapon wrote:Before Rebis gets in, the one that intrigued me the most was the speed of darkness. The dark matter that we see in the universe perhaps may be alternate universes. Since light is seen bending towards such areas in space.

World-renowned physicist, Dr. Michio Kaku, discussed in his newest book Parallel Worlds, which presents what today's trailblazing cosmologists know about the nature of the universe, including its age, its composition, and perhaps even its eventual death.

Hypothesizing about the existence of parallel universes, Kaku said there could be millions of different universes, some that look like our own, but completely invisible to us. "We are prisoners of our sheet of paper (universe)," Kaku explained, while noting that gravity, unlike light and matter, could travel between parallel universes. Since gravity theoretically exists in all parallel worlds, Kaku said we should be able to detect "shadow" matter in these dimensions. A good exxample of this is the book by HG wells, The Invisible Man. Wells creates a scenario where a man leaps into the 4th dimension thus becoming invisible to our 3-d retinal scanners.

Kaku speculated that parallel universes would allow a sufficiently advanced civilization to escape the death of our universe trillions of years from now. According to Kaku, such a technologically advanced society would be able to "boil space" to create wormhole escape gateways into parallel universes, where they could send DNA-carrying nanobots to recreate their race. Kaku also detailed the civilization types, and discussed global climate change. The boiling of space to rip it open is only attanined in the trillion centigrade measurement of tempreature.

Pop Science. And not very good science at that.

Oh, yes. I'm quite familiar with manifold-space theory, although for me, the jury's still out on whether gravity should be singled out for this special trans-universal treatment.

And if the Invisible Man leapt into the 4th dimension and became invisible to our 3d retinal scanners, then, being of a 3d nature himself, he would suffer the same blindness, with respect to our entire world.

What was your source, btw?

As to impy's questions, I could answer them, but perhaps someone who is more interested in those who inhabit the world we live in, rather than the world itself, would make a better... whatever. Like Denyer, for example.

Legion · Post by **Legion** » Thu Jan 20, 2005 12:23 am

Rebis wrote:What was your source, btw?

wasn't it Star Trek : The Next Generation 4x03 : "This science thing is a lark"

Ultimate Weapon · Post by **Ultimate Weapon** » Thu Jan 20, 2005 12:36 am

Rebis wrote:What was your source, btw?

www.coasttocoastam.com

Dylan · Post by **Dylan** » Thu Jan 20, 2005 12:39 am

You know, I must say, Transfans is a great place.

Post by **Best First** » Thu Jan 20, 2005 12:58 am

significantly better than reality, i must say.

Impactor returns 2.0 · Post by **Impactor returns 2.0** » Thu Jan 20, 2005 1:20 am

Best First wrote:significantly better than reality, i must say.

Dude dont say that word! *the dream is broken!*

Dylan · Post by **Dylan** » Thu Jan 20, 2005 1:36 am

Raise the shields! We can still escape!

Optimus Prime Rib · Post by **Optimus Prime Rib** » Thu Jan 20, 2005 1:38 am

LALALALALALALALALALALALALALALA IM NOT HEARING YOU!

Galvatron91 · Post by **Galvatron91** » Thu Jan 20, 2005 4:06 am

Ultimate Weapon wrote:
Rebis wrote:What was your source, btw?
www.coasttocoastam.com

And here I thought that insanity died when Art Bell went into his bunker!

Emperor_Starscream · Post by **Emperor_Starscream** » Thu Jan 20, 2005 5:58 am

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?

mmm maybe there is some residual energi in those batteries

Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough?

piramidal sheme?

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

well, if you can have the time to check 1 billion stars by yourself... but wet paint is more easy

Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?

if glue stick to the bottle you cant use it (cheaps glues really do that they stick to the bottle)

Why do they use sterilised needles for death by lethal injection?

they dont want the executed have a corpse infected with some kind of virus that can star an epidemy (G.virus

)

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

mmm he shaves clean....is soft

Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

revolvers are made with some alloy with kriptonite

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

in case they be hit in the head before get a course of collision they can be conscious to do that

Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?

sssssssssweett ..sssssnake ...don't you like the SSSSSSS?

What is the speed of darkness?

welll that's something i can't tell you

Are there specially reserved parking spaces for "normal" people at the Special Olympics?

no, they have to find another parking lot

If you send someone 'Styrofoam', how do you pack it?

just bend an push....bend and push

If the temperature is zero outside today and it's going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?

double zero...cold now gets license to kill

If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?

they are not smarter enought to evolve in humans...someone want a banana?

If it's true that we are here to help others, what are the others doing here?

they are calling for our help of course....

Do married people live longer than single ones, or does it only seem longer?

well if you get married with an elf...you will need a looong life

If someone with a split personality threatens to commit suicide, is it a hostage situation?

of course...and the worst of it is how we can stop him without hurting the hostage...well he must have to suffer wile we stop the other personaity

Can you cry under water?

well some people pee in the pools so....i think we can cry in the water too ...after all is a body fluid like pee

What level of importance must a person have, before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

mmm he must be a politician or a famous start or a transfan

If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches?

hey...is for the same reason of the money is green

Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

to use the box as a wings like jhonny bravo

How is it that we put a man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on bigger suitcases ?

well they don't have to take big suitcases in moon...houston we have a problem...

Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up, like, every two hours?

they sleep in fetal poscition and sucking their thumbs

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

nop is a mimic

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

that are x-ray binoculars

...look i see that girl nude

Why do doctors, when they ask you to strip, leave the room or close the cubicle curtain while you change?

doctors dont want to see how you get undresed they only want to see you nude

Post by **Computron** » Thu Jan 20, 2005 6:42 am

Impactor returns 2.0 wrote:
If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?

*eyebrow twitches*

Because evolution is not an RPG. When something evolves, it's not like all the other animals out there level up as well...

In other words humans evolved from some set population of apes. It doesn't mean the other populations of apes had to evolve as well, for in their particular instance, they were already well adapted to the environment.

Post by **Best First** » Thu Jan 20, 2005 8:46 am

If people evolved from apes, why are there still Computron?

Metal Vendetta · Post by **Metal Vendetta** » Thu Jan 20, 2005 9:38 am

Who says people aren't apes?

Obfleur · Post by **Obfleur** » Thu Jan 20, 2005 9:48 am

I'm ape.
Apetastic!

*throws feces at the mods*

This site was a total let down.

Aaron Hong · Post by **Aaron Hong** » Thu Jan 20, 2005 11:22 am

Obfleur wrote: This site was a total let down.

For a while I thought PinnaclePaladin was allowed to have a website...

Post by **Denyer** » Thu Jan 20, 2005 1:30 pm

Computron wrote:It doesn't mean the other populations of apes had to evolve as well

For that matter, nothing has to evolve. Plenty of species merely go extinct.

Isn't language crap for expressing things?

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat? The same idiots who do this also tend to think speaking louder makes them understandable by foreigners.

Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough? It ties a small but usually steady stream of repayment to the financial institution, maximising their gain.

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet? Distance.

Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle? Oxygen reaction.

Why do they use sterilised needles for death by lethal injection? Pretence of formality and civilised behaviour.

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard? Residual memory of parent(s). Can't quite remember, but he may have in the original text versus the Disney rewrite.

Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him? Years of conditioned behaviour posing as a human.

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets? It would be a bit counter-productive if they died before reaching the target.

Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"? Old English and Middle English in written form don't really distinguish between a 'ss' and 'th' sound. Or 'ff' for that matter.

What is the speed of darkness? Relative absence of light or background universe radiation?

Are there specially reserved parking spaces for "normal" people at the Special Olympics? Because some of them are on the committee.

If you send someone 'Styrofoam', how do you pack it? Plastic, most often. Into vehicles, if there's enough of it.

If the temperature is zero outside today and it's going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be? Mu. Alternatively, where n = calendar day, pos((n-(n-1))*2) [although bear in mind I barely passed A-level maths with a D.]

If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes? The questioner is an idiot who doesn't grasp basic principles of evolution theory.

If it's true that we are here to help others, what are the others doing here? Initial precept is unverifiable.

Do married people live longer than single ones, or does it only seem longer? Now we're into joke territory rather than poorly-framed questions.

If someone with a split personality threatens to commit suicide, is it a hostage situation? In law, no.

Can you cry under water? Yes, I think so.

What level of importance must a person have, before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered? Assassination is always a premeditated crime; murder isn't necessarily.

If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches? Meh. Wordplay.

Why does a round pizza come in a square box? Boxes cheaper to produce like that.

How is it that we put a man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on bigger suitcases ? We didn't.

Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up, like, every two hours? Hormonal and comparative reaction to finally getting the brat quiescent.

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing? Yes.

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground? Because they also use binoculars to look into buildings in the hope of spotting perky redheads.

Why do doctors, when they ask you to strip, leave the room or close the cubicle curtain while you change? To minimise accusations of impropriety and voyeurism.

Many things that seem incongruous aren't. Indeed, incongruity is usually a temporary reaction to insufficient or apparently conflicting data.

Post by **Best First** » Thu Jan 20, 2005 1:36 pm

Denyer wrote:
Computron wrote: Isn't language crap for expressing things?

We should replace it with the Manga stylings of Pat Lee.

Post by **Denyer** » Thu Jan 20, 2005 1:40 pm

Then there'd be tits all round. Or sort of square, lumpy and on Prime's cab. Drawing his cab, even...

Impactor returns 2.0 · Post by **Impactor returns 2.0** » Thu Jan 20, 2005 2:43 pm

last time I post up funny e-mail.

Obfleur · Post by **Obfleur** » Thu Jan 20, 2005 3:33 pm

Impactor returns 2.0 wrote:last time I post up funny e-mail.

I liked it...

Dylan · Post by **Dylan** » Thu Jan 20, 2005 4:27 pm

Impactor returns 2.0 wrote:last time I post up funny e-mail.

What was, if I may ask, the intended effect?

Tired Tracks · Post by **Tired Tracks** » Thu Jan 20, 2005 5:33 pm

Dylan wrote:
Impactor returns 2.0 wrote:last time I post up funny e-mail.
What was, if I may ask, the intended effect?

Laughter! Its funny! Taking the thing too seriously, in a way is fun too, but still...

Señior's Covenant · Post by **Señior's Covenant** » Thu Jan 20, 2005 5:40 pm

Denyer wrote:Then there'd be tits all round.

¿Dónde?

[EDIT] Just occurred to me; Aren't they usually as such?[/EDIT]

Señior's Covenant · Post by **Señior's Covenant** » Thu Jan 20, 2005 6:06 pm

Impactor returns 2.0 wrote:last time I post up funny e-mail.

Keep'um coming.

TransFans.co.uk

GREAT QUESTIONS OF OUR TIME!

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